Dear Reader,

If you're with me now, and care to move forward, there are a few things you should know about my father before you continue.  The following are letters he wrote to the editor of our local newspaper--letters he really wanted the people of our small city to examine and digest.  They express his current political viewpoints.  I say "current," because the man has held plenty, and from plenty of different political perspectives.  During the course of his life he has been a staunch conservative--a southern baptist--and yet he later became a member of a more "relaxed" Christ-affiliated church.  To put it plainly, my father has been on both sides of the political and ideological spectrum.  The reason for this wide degree of difference is probably because he's nothing short a man of the world--having traversed it several times.  My father served proudly in the United States Armed Forces for twenty-two years (Air Force).  During that time, he came into contact with people of many faiths, many philosophies, and many different ideas about "what" mattered.  But you should know that what matters to my father, a student of History, and a certified History teacher (he received his teaching diploma after retiring from the military) is that he always believed in finding his own path.  He taught me this: that life is about your own personal discoveries--not someone else's.  It reminds me of the saying that, "the only truth we own, is the truth we have realized for ourselves."  I digress...

If you care to continue reading, know this: the following letters are written by a man who has seen and been on both sides of the issues, a man who has empathy, a deep understanding, and great compassion for those who believe McCain is the best choice for president, and for those whose choice is Obama.  This is from a man who has voted for both Republicans and Democrats alike--whomever he thought was the best choice for the country.  My father is the kind of man who can look back to what History has taught us, and then look forwards and apply those lessons to what the current situation calls for.  So, consider this both a warning and a blessing.  Whether you agree with his opinions or not, his words are not to be dismissed lightly.

Yours,

(Howling)

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Dear Editor:

It’s a great time to be alive! High school and college football just started. “Da Boys” have their sights on the Super Bowl, and, oh yes, this is the time we vote, and voting takes a backseat to nothing in West Texas. Yeah Right! Here in God’s Country, voting is very easy. If West Texas voters had to choose between a slippery largemouth bass and a Democrat for the office of president, two months later the fish would be seen on FOX NEWS slithering up Pennsylvania Avenue to enjoy its Inaugural Parade.

Speaking of fish, why do intelligent people try to out-think a thing that has a brain the size of a pea? Why do they use so much time deciding if a fish would bite on a red, or white, or chartreuse fake plastic worm? They spend their hard earned money on magazines to learn about lures, rods and reels, but won’t take the time to read UNBIASED reports on the candidate that will affect their lives and their children’s lives. They think they voted when they hit a button next to an R or a D, without really knowing that person. Instead of finding out things for themselves, they listen to Keith Olberman “countdown” on the wrongs of the Republicans, or to Rush using his “talents on loan from God” to rip the Democrats.

A simple thing to help you learn about politicians is that they are not your parents and rarely are they your relatives. When I was a child and saw my parents make a mistake, their excuse to me would always be, “Do as I say, not as I do!” So, when you want to learn about politicians, don’t use that phase, use “See how they vote, not what they say!” Now, how have the people who get paid by us, (two are asking for a promotion and one wants an extension on his service) voted for us?

Politicians know we love the military! We stand when the flag goes by or when our National Anthem is heard. When the symphony plays each of the armed services’ songs, veterans, retirees, and current warriors stand, smile and sing with pride. Based on Congressional voting records, since 2005, 6 bills have been voted on dealing with the veterans who every politician says they support. Let’s check. Senator McCain voted NO three times in 2005 and 2006 to support amendments that would improve their health care. At the time, the Grand Old Party was in the majority and NOT ONE Veteran’s Bill was passed. In 2007 and 2008, Senator McCain didn’t even vote for the next 3 bills. When the “Do Nothing Senate” was voting to give our brave troops a GI Bill equal to what their grandfathers and fathers had, records (not opinion) show the former POW was in California at a fund raising event. In that same time frame, Senator Obama voted YES for the 3 Veteran’s Bills, did not vote for the 2 Appropriations Bills, and voted YES for the New GI Bill. Remembering that Senator “Big John” Cornyn is also running, he voted NO 4 times on bills to help our worthy veterans, and voted YES 2 times for the Appropriation Bills.

Out here in West Texas, the hourly wage is very important. Single mothers use it to feed their children. Married women use it to help support the household. Teenagers, college students and others use it to start or stay on their road of independence. On January 24, 2007 Senator John McCain and Senator Cornyn voted to ELIMINATE the Federal Minimum Wage. That of course failed! When it was time to vote for raising the minimum wage, Senator Cornyn voted against the working people and again voted NO; Senator McCain, hoping you’d forget his NO, voted YES this time. Senator Obama voted YES.

Fish and politicians have at least two things in common: they squirm when they are examined, and are seen for what and where they are when we take the time. Please be careful when you vote!

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Dear Editor:

Have you heard the story of Billy and Gary? One day, little Billy went screaming into the laundry room and told his mother, “MOMMY! He did it again! You said Gary couldn’t touch my toys, but he touched every one of them!”

Billy’s mother was busy folding the clothes, and without knowing the full story, stepped out of the laundry room, looked down the hall, and said, “Gary, you are in so much trouble. Go to your room young man, and I will talk to you later.”

Little Billy smiled as he left the room where his mother was now angrily talking to herself about her disobedient child. Gary had actually helped put Billy’s toys away. You see, Billy wanted to play something that Gary didn’t want to; so Billy got Gary in trouble.

Today, Johnny McCain comes into your busy life and says Barak Obama wants to raise your taxes. Johnny, like Billy, is only telling us what will make him sound good and Barak sound bad. Like Billy, Johnny’s hoping we will be too busy to find the truth and simply believe what he says.

If we take the time to learn the truth from non partisan organizations, then when it’s time for an educated vote, we’ll do better than Billy’s mom did with Gary. The following information shows the average savings or additions individuals will see in their 2009 income tax compared to their 2008 tax in both of the McCain and Obama tax plans. Check the earnings to see where you fit.

If you make up to $18,981, McCain’s plan saves you $19.00 (or a 0.2% decrease in your taxes) and Obama’s saves you $567.00 (or a 5.5% decrease in your taxes). If you make up to $37,595, McCain saves $113.00 (0.5%% decrease) and Obama saves $892.00 (3.6% decrease). If you make up to $66,354, McCain saves $319.00 (0.7% decrease), and Obama saves $1,042.00 (2.4% decrease).

Things begin to even out in the next groups. If you make up to $111,645, McCain saves $1,009.00 (1.4% decrease), Obama saves $1,290 (1.8% decrease). If you make up to $160,972, McCain saves $2,614.00 (2.5% decrease), Obama saves $2,204 (2.1% decrease). If you make up to $226,981, McCain saves $4,380 (3.0% decrease), Obama saves $2,789.00 (1.9% decrease).

Here is where Billy is ratting on Gary, and Johnny is only talking about this part of Obama’s tax plan. Here in West Texas, if you bring home up to $603,402, McCain will give you a 3.1% tax decrease by giving you $7,871. Obama will only give you $12.00. If you are in the top 1% of earners and bring home up to $2.87 million, McCain will add another3.4% to that by giving you $45,361. Obama will raise the tax on those 1% earners by increasing their taxes by 8.7% or $115,974 ( 99% of American taxpayers receive money, 1% pay) . If you make more than $2.87 million (the top .01% earners) McCain will decrease your tax by 4.4%, and send you a check for $269,364. That one check from the government is more than the total of what the bottom four income tiers earn in a year. On that same person who earns more than $2.87 million, Obama would raise his tax 11.5% by adding $701,885.

If you have ever been in the same situation as the mom was, what happened to your Billy and Gary after you learned the truth? Vote intelligently on November 4th.

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As a budding commercial voice actor, I want to take a moment and personally express my deepest sympathies to the friends and family of Don LaFontaine.  He will be missed.

The following is some copy I wrote for a small hometown appliance store, which sells discounted merchandize as a result of minor scratches and dents.  I want you to know that I was first very excited about this script.  No, more like in a fit of hubris.  This. Was. The. Best. Ad. Writing. Ever.  My weird sense of black humor was finally paying off.  It was a masterpiece in copy writing, and I was f-cking Mozart!  And I was very shocked when my boss shot it down... hard.  His email response to my 60 second magnum opus contained only three words:

"Are you serious?"

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[suburban noises in background followed by a mild, repetitive scraping sound]

Guy 1: "Hey, Hey what are you doing?"

Guy 2: "Oh, just draggin' Grandma out to the curb."

Guy 1: "But why?!"

Guy 2: "Well, she's old and kinda worn out. Got a few dents in her too. I figure I can just go someplace else and buy a brand new one--Grandpa thinks it's a great idea."

Guy 1: "But there's nothing actually wrong with her."

Guy 2: "Yeah, but look at all that wear and tear. You've got to think about your Grandmother's resale value."

Guy 1: "Oh, I hadn't thought about it like that. Here, let me help you out."

Guy 2: "Okay on three. One... Two...

Narrator: Would you do this to your Grandmother?

At  [ABC Appliance], we believe in the value of things despite their appearances. That's why we're excited to offer you savings of 20 to 50% on National Brand appliances which may not appeal to the eye, but still work great in the home.

Scratch and Dent savings on National brands like Maytag, KitchenAid, Whirlpool--refrigerators, ranges, dishwashers, washers, and dryers. All slightly damaged, but greatly discounted.

Hundreds to choose from at [ABC Appliance], North Main at 29th St. And for all your appliance repair and service needs, call [ABC]: [765-4321]

Remember: A refrigerator, even with a small dent, keeps your food nice and cool. A washer with a tiny scratch will continue to keep your laundry staying clean. And when you buy these affordable appliances at [ABC], your wallet stays full.

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Delusions of Grandeur, anyone?  Anyone?  Bueller?

My boss was right to flush this one straight down the toilet, and in a way I'm glad that he did.  My ego suffered for one day but my boss's wisdom saved me from future embarrassment.  Does the ad seduce your attention?  Yes.  Is it funny?  Yes--though opinions might differ.  Does the ad illustrate the point?  Yes; what we define as "valuable" isn't found in superficial qualities alone.  But does the ad also portray our client's products as "old," like the Grandmother, conspicuously flawed, and perhaps even disposable?  You bet it does.  Oh, and substituting a handicapped child in place of the Grandmother won't make the symbolism of the writing any better.  In fact, it would just lead to worse problems...

One thing that I've learned now is that the use of a joke in advertising is a delicate thing.  Of course the joke has to be funny--it more importantly has be funny to your target audience.  But what the joke absolutely cannot do is insult the product you're selling.  This is where I screwed up.  Suggesting that the flaws in the appliances were as noticeable as the wrinkles on your Grandmother's face isn't likely going to motivate someone to go out and buy.  You might chuckle over the ad's brazenness, but you won't be laughing with your checkbook in hand.