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| i want to be someone's last call of the night,
and their first thought in the morning. i want
those 5 hour conversations that end in "no,
you hang up first." i want the heart racing,
palm sweaty, "what's going to happen next"
moments. i want the hugs that you never
want to let go of and the stolen kisses that are
always the sweetest. but most importantly, i
just want to know someone considers me theirs.
I want to be .. the smile, the first thought,
the long drive or the short walk, the last voice,
the random call, the laugh, the perfect kiss,
the comfort hug, your second half, the
sparkle in your eye, the everything you need,
just what you want.. i want to be your perfection..
and i think i might just have this chance with Julio again...
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| what am i good for? so...its been forever since i have last been on here but heres the basic:
im passing all my classes and have a 3.0 gpa.
graduating in June.
im turning 18 on april 6.
im getting my car.
my sisters having a baby.
my nephew is cuter than yours.
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| rant rant rant...damn it. im the little big gUrL who could. haha i have a big mouth for someone who doesnt speak a lot. (well thats what i think at least). well everythings up in the air right now...and i dont know when or how its gonna fall. soo many things going on. and i cant wait till im done with everything that im supposed to right now. but really, i swear the year has gone by soo fast that i cant really recall anything anymore. thats not like me. i used to have like one of the best memories ever. now i feel like that one stoner kid Spiccoli from the movie "Fast Times At Ridgemont High" yesh one of the best movies of like all time i swear. but it aint got nothing on "Sixteen Candles" Molly Ringwald can act like no other! haha really tho. sorry i get off topic a lot really. its hard for me to stick to just one thing anymore. i seem to do more than i can right now. life its complicated. i understand that now. and growing up is a bitch....if i could still be a kid....id ride my bike everywhere before that black guy stole it. and yes i say black guy because it really was a black guy who stole my first and only bike ever. :'(. thats ok i got over it i guess....eventually i stopped playing with dolls too. and then i picked up books. i'll admit it im a fucken nerd. i loooove to read. its one of my passions and one of the few things that i have from my child hood. everything else is crap actually. i dunno thats how i see it at least. and skool right now...man its a bitch. im barely scraping by in three of my classes...and if i fail anything this year im not walking the stage. thats a bitch!!! ive worked my ass off since freshman year for this? and for what a few seconds of glory and then get the boot off that stage? well i guess its worth it or whateva. it happens is what i say. and JROTC....i might not even have it second semester...so help me if i dont stay in it i will stop coming to skool. i gives a fuck. thats the only reason why i do go to skool. JROTC is one of my other passions...considering the fact that in charge of everyone...and i get to say what goes. it feels great. its like the one place where i can be heard and listened. it means a lot that im the battalion commander thier....for those of you who didnt get that, im the head pickle at franklin JROTC...haha ^__^.....but heres the shocker for some of ya. im gonna join the NAVY. and yes im almost done getting signed up. dont worry i'll let you know what else happens to me....but really i am joining the NAVY....its one of the few things i can do and go to college and travel at the same time. so if u have something to say, go ahead. but its not gonna change my mind. but itd be nice to know what you think...well heres where im done rambling on about myself....
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| i havent posted in a while but.so much to say. i just dont know how to explain it and whatnot. life is pretty much life for me. its kinda hard to know whats gonna happen next. one day i get good news and the next i get bad news. it happens i guess. so many things can go wrong, and it seems harder and harder for me to figure out what should be right and whats wrong. omgosh i just feel like letting myself go. giving into all those pleasures that i have always wanted. mind u i wont say, its too much for you to take anyways. haha. but ...i just like want everything to start going good for me. school. its too much for me. i dont know why it just is, basically it all comes down to this. if i dont bring up my grades within the next month and a half. im totally screwed.....basically. and it will be my own fault. but on the brightside for me i guess....im like....interested in someone. he's a pretty cool guy. we have some common interests and thats pretty cool. i dont want to rush my head into anything and stuff. im just waiting to see how it goes. i've got to give it time....its of the essence....and i want to see if he's interested too....it kinda takes two to tango know what i mean?....yump. | | |
| food for thought
i dont give a ...whoa anymore. too much thinking and hours spent on thoughts that should have never been thought of in the first place. i kno that most people would say that its a good thing. that it will help me get over them a lot faster. i dont find that true. it only makes me want them more...thats the worst thing that could have happened. i havent found anything to occupy myself yet.well not like i need to because frankly i have no where to go and no one to see. i hate talking on the phone. but i do have my few exceptions. *Carlos* because he is my best guy freind. i've shared soo much with him that i dont know what i would do without him. he's one of the best people i could ever know right now at my age... i really dont know what to do anymore. i kinda gave up on the things i had in mind with all the plans i thought i had for the rest of the summer so im just gonna wait and see. i really dont have a choice. im a broke, jobless high school senior. money doesnt come free you know?...my sisters not gonna be able to give me money for every school activity that im going to want to do.
i just wanna be able to let me family know that i wont rely on them forever. its a harsh reality for them when i do graduate from high school and get on with the rest of my schooling. i guess im not gonna leave home right away as i had expected. i might do two years at Delta first and then transfer to a 4-year. it shall be done really. i know i can. its about getting what i want. and i think i pretty much deserve it.
geez as for freinds...i dont know what to say, i kinda feel like i lost touch with my best freind, seeing as she hasnt even contacted me in a while...im confused...it pretty much happens a lot to me now. not on purpose.it just happens.
and as for those two guys still....grrr to them. and that they should really learn to not lie to people. its a bad habit. i should know. i do it all the time. so hopefully somethings can change...but for everything else...we just have to wait and see really...
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