| Okay, so it's been a while since I've actually updated this thing and I've honestly been meaning to for a long time. But I've been working as a server at Tumbleweed in Henderson and quite frankly, I'm usually too damn tired to type when I come home, much less think about a coherent entry to explain what's been going on in my life as of late. So, here's what I'm going to do. I just typed an email to my lovely friend, Niki, who is currently on a mission trip to Peru. Instead of typing the same thing again into this box, I will just copy and paste key parts of the email that will explain a little about Europe and the things that have been happening to me since Europe.
My favorite place we visited in Europe was Heidelberg, Germany, which I think is delightful because it’s my dad’s favorite place in Europe, too. We were there on my birthday and it was just an awesome time. We met a German boy named Sascha who was really cool and I hope to keep in touch with him a little, although his English is minimal and my German is nonexistent. I also loved Pisa and Rome. And Paris. I definitely have to go back to those places, preferably over and over again. Most of our days on the trip were spent waking up around 8 AM and leaving our accommodations by 9 AM to get breakfast and start our day, so by the time we came back “home” between 6 and 8 PM, we were so ready to crash that we didn’t feel like leaving again to see things at night. So I definitely need to return to those places to get a feel for what they’re like at night because I know that it is vastly different. I especially want to go back to Rome. I loved it so much there and there were many things I wanted to see and didn’t get to. I could have spent two weeks in Rome alone, I think. It was just…I don’t even know how to explain it. Timeless, classic, beautiful, more modern than I expected- a perfect mixture of old and new.
The last thing I have to tell you about is actually quite insane and you’re probably going to be like, “Okay, Janyna. You’re crazy.” Because that’s how Rachel was, too. I have been talking about Andy a lot in this email and that is because he has been a big part of my life since I came back from Europe. While I was there, about halfway through the trip I started to miss him really badly. I wasn’t lonely or anything, I just had a really particular and deep longing to talk to Andy. I kept it to myself for a few days until I couldn’t stand it anymore, and then I mentioned it to Maggie. Now, she doesn’t really know about our history, so she thought it was the greatest idea I’d ever had and that we should totally start dating and see where it went. I felt so confused because not three months before I was telling him that I would never feel that way and that he should give up on me. And I was terrified of thinking I felt the same for him and then finding out a month later that I was wrong and then breaking his heart… again. So I did a lot of thinking about it for the rest of the trip, and there was definitely a lot of time for thinking while we were walking miles and miles, seeing beautiful art and architecture, eating wonderful foods. Finally, one night I wrote about him in my journal and essentially confessed to myself what I’ve known for a long time but wasn’t ready to admit- I have been completely in denial about my feelings for him for a long time. He is my best guy friend, and he is someone I go to when I need to talk, he is honest, loving, interesting, we enjoy the same things, he really knows me and cares about me anyway, he is strong and protective but also sensitive….he is just many things that I really seek in another person. And now that all the stuff that went down between us is over, all the bad stuff from January-ish, things are different. He doesn’t treat me like I’m up on a pedestal anymore, and he isn’t obsessive. And that makes me feel differently about him, it makes it easier for me to care about him the same way he cares about me. I was very close right after New Orleans in November, thisclose to actually reciprocating and then things got weird. But to be entirely honest with myself, I have known there was something special about him from the very beginning of our friendship. Anyway, I came to these realizations in Rome, and it was all I could do to keep from calling him up and telling him everything. So I went to visit him in Richmond when we got home, and it was awesome. Seeing him was awesome. Hugging him- awesome. I ended up coming up to surprise him for his birthday a few days later and then we spent two days together, and since then, he’s come to visit me in Henderson and we talk on the phone everyday.
Now, I know what you’re probably thinking, but I assure you that I have thought about all these things, too. And I have been completely honest with him every step of the way and we’re taking things reallllllllly slowly so that I don’t get freaked out and try to run away from him like usual. And so far, things have been going really well and I’m really happy.
So there you have it, folks. Things have changed in my life and I'm really glad that they've been the way they are. I never thought that I would be here in my life, but now that I am, I don't think I want it any other way. |
