Tuesday, April 08, 2008

• Love & Commitment: A Rambling

   I've been thinking about boys lately. Well, not so much boys but relationships in general. It's the culmination of different incidents that have taken place over the last few days that has got me thinking about love. 

        I'm sure that many of you know couples who have broken up. Even the ones who seemed so right for each other; the ones you even now associate with the ex-significant other. Perhaps you know of so many broken relationships and broken hearts (or have one yourself) that you've become cynical of all relationships. How many of you, when hearing of a new couple, immediately think "they won't last a year", or start guessing how long the relationship will last? I do, most of the time.
  
        I know that there are some others who actually enter a relationship with some vague expiry date in mind. Some expect the relationship to end; for them it's just something to 'experience' and get out of when the emotions aren't there anymore. Or it's to last you till the actual "Mr Right" comes along. Not many actually see themselves marrying the person they're with and growing old together. Not at my age.

        There's a popular practice of dating for fun, with no strings attached. At the surface, that sounds great. You get to go out for movies, enjoy physical intimacy, and have someone to gush about at sleepovers. Best of all, the loneliness goes away. This is dangerous because it just isn't possible in reality to spend alone time with a guy and not end up giving more of yourself than you intended. I know, I've been there. Theoretically, yeah, you're supposed to just be having fun with the guy. But there's no way to invest time and emotions and energy into one person without creating a bond that could potentially hurt you.

        I think that the reason most relationships among teens and young adults fail is because we haven't fully grasped the concept of love & commitment. Do you agree with me when I say you can't have one without the other? To me, commitment is the only way a relationship can last, which makes sense since commitment is basically a promise to stick with the person no matter what.
  
  Things that Break Up Relationships:
  1. The unwillingless of either party to work out problems.
  2. The fading of emotional love in relationships where that's the only kind of love experienced.
  3. "I've met someone else"/ I've been seeing someone else.
  
       The most ridiculous -and the most tragic- phrase I've heard used about love is "the marriage ended because of irreconcilable differences". May I say, objectively, reasonably, that there's no such thing as irreconcilable differences? (They don't mean abuse or adultery, by the way.) "Irreconcilable differences" is just a fancy way of saying "We give up", while making it sound like it's not your fault the marriage ended, since the differences were humanly impossible to make up.
  
  (continued on April 10, 11.49pm.)
  
       While I feel sad when I hear of marriages ending, the main response for me is anger. Anger over how much we have lost in our values and principles. The culture of divorce is becoming increasingly normal, increasingly acceptable...and so few are left who see it as unnatural.
  
        Isn't it true that the bride and groom promise to love each other in sickness and in health, for better or for worse? Isn't the very act of marriage a commitment to stay with one another till death separates you? Where does divorce come in? Nowhere. Marriage isn't a promise to love each other...till you don't. Divorce just shouldn't exist. It just shouldn't.
  
        Better not to marry if you're not prepared to love a person past the emotions, beyond the comfort, to love a person when he/she becomes sick, or ugly, or goes through a rough time. 
  
        Divorce...it doesn't make sense. The concept of marriage is mutually exclusive with the concept of divorce. A relationship that doesn't end: that's marriage. Divorce is an end.
  
       You know, I starting out talking about relationships without intending to write about marriage, but here I am. The fact is, unless you date with marriage in mind, you're dating a person with leaving in mind. 
  
       Okay, I guess that's not true for everyone. It depends on what you want, really. I want love. I want the real deal. I'm not going to share the best of my thoughts and give the best of my time to someone who's not going to be around 3 years down the road. Memories fade. 
  
        So what I'm looking for is a relationship that lasts. A relationship in which each puts the other before his/her self. A relationship with love and commitment.
  
        That's a description of marriage.
  
  Jenna
  
  p.s. I know that this whole entry was a bit unstructured, going all over the place with no pendahuluan, isi, kesimpulan. It is a rambling, after all.
  
  p.s. 2. Divorce is now seen as just a break-up that involves lawyers, and on TV you see characters casually throwing out the number of ex-wives they have, and joking about alimony. In real life, that's really not very funny. It's heart-breaking.
  

  Currently Reading What's So Amazing About Grace? By Philip Yancey see related

  • 12:46 AM
  • 0 eprops
  • 2 comments