wow...

well, at the moment right now, I am strangely awake at 2:33 A.M. the others are still asleep and really, I have nothing better to do than update on what has happened on this retreat this weekend. I must say that a lot has happened in the course of a weekend.

This retreat to Cape May Point, NJ is specially designated for seniors that have community service hours left at the end of the year. I, being the procrastinator that I am, had 15 hours left. Two of my other friends, Dave and Tom, had 7 ½ hours and 6 hours left, respectively. There were other people that had signed up, but at the end, it was just the three of us. Personally, we were a lot better off. I mean, we didn’t have anyone else to drag us down or anything, at the risk of sounding completely mean there. If you only knew some of the people that were supposed to have come, you would come to the same conclusion as me. Luckily, for me, Dave and Tom are literally my best friends, so I knew I could have a great time guaranteed with my friends. However, I had no idea that this retreat would do so much for me in terms of dealing with situations back home. I left for Cape May Point, NJ on Friday around 4:00 PM or so, after having to go back to Tom’s house for an extra sleeping bag.

The ride there was very interesting. I mean, Dave and I took the back seats and Tom took shotgun. We just all talked about random stuff really. What was really going on with my life was a hot topic for us all. lol I didn’t honestly care because I was pretty comfortable with what was said. Just having my friends there made the trip seem faster and certainly a lot more fun. We all made fun of Dave because of the way he was so technologically advanced and dependent rather than the rest of us. They made fun of me for my taste in music and my laptop. ( a classic favorite ) We just made fun of Tom because of his occasional obliviousness. lol It took us about 2 ½ hours or so to get there because of traffic.

The scenery we saw when we first got there completely took us by surprise. There was a lighthouse not too far away. The place that we were staying used to be a Sheraton hotel back in the 1800’s. (That really took Tom, Dave, and me by surprise; I can tell you that. haha) Also, we were right near an awesome-looking beach. We wanted to take a stroll across the beach later on… (which literally changed me) Just by looking at the beach, we knew that us bringing our fishing gear was really pointless, much to our disappointment. haha the sea was just way too rough and there weren’t any real good spots to cast from. We walked back inside to pack up our stuff into our rooms and to get some dinner before we were set off to work. They had some amazing macaroni and cheese and then some other snacks to help fill us up. Before long, we were raring to work. However, we were allowed a brief time to just relax and take in the sights. We went outside on the balcony and admired the ocean. I felt really at rest and at peace, just taking in the sea salt and feeling the spray of the ocean on my face. We could see the sun setting in the west and the moon beginning to rise in the east. It was an awesome sight to behold. Hearing the ocean waves also set the mood too. Also, once again, having my friends there right beside me made everything perfect. (I also knew that the moment could’ve been a lot better if I had gotten Kaylee to come though.) For the next 3 hours, we put much of our effort into setting up old-fashioned bed posts and bringing mattresses and bedposts from the first floor to the third floor of the building. I can honestly say though that I thought I worked hard and accomplished a lot by myself in the group. We had managed to carry 20 pieces of bedposts and mattresses two floors. We were pretty beat by the end of it all. That didn’t stop us from taking a walk on the beach however.

We took a walk on the beach when the full moon was out and its luster shone down on the ocean waves. It was a really beautiful sight to see and I just wished I could have shared it with someone else. ( You know who you are… :wink: ) This entire sight was so much that it literally sent me into a spell-bound trance. Tom and Dave went on ahead of me and were just minding their own business. However, I could sense that they were wondering what was wrong with me. Honestly, I could say that everything couldn’t be more right at the moment. For like 30 or so minutes, I was alone with my thoughts but not in a bad way as it usually had been for the past 3 weeks. This time around, I got to thinking on how the entire situation with Kaylee was playing down. I also had time to think about the entire situation going on with the rest of my friends. At this time, I also began thinking of the Capstone Project that I had to finish by this coming Tuesday. For some odd reason, I felt like there was something special going to happen very soon. I didn’t know what, but I knew something would happen. Little did I know that I would find out tomorrow. It was getting pretty late for us and we decided to head back to the “hotel” so to speak. We saw people fishing and just some people taking in the moonlight. I really enjoyed just strolling on the beach at night.

So, towards the end of the night, Tom, Dave, and I just pretty much spent time watching Celebrity Jeopardy and just playing some cards at the same time too. Of course, everyone was on their way to falling asleep. However, we woke up our supervisor because a certain someone was talking too loudly to someone else on the phone. Not going to say who. haha After being briefly scolded for being too loud, we all went to sleep momentarily.

The following morning, we woke up. I took my sweet old time getting up and all despite all the yelling I was getting. After eating breakfast, we went out to work outside. We had to shovel and flatten out a dune. In the process, we had to take out all the grass, roots, and a fence that was on the dune as well. It was just really crazy work in general. We managed to fulfill 2/3 of the spot we were supposed to dig out and work on. The next group would follow up on our work. Just a lot of fun times there and just had a lot of fun working and doing manual labor. lol I could honestly say I grew closer to Tom and Dave that day. This entire retreat got me closer to Dave and Tom in general. The entire retreat got me to forget everything that was going on back home. It definitely gave me time to myself which ive seriously needed for so long. At noon, we had lunch. Of course, I never eat much these days because my appetite is usually tied directly to my emotions. After the lunch, we were allowed 90 minutes on break. We decided to walk to the lighthouse to see the view from there. Unfortunately, for the three of us, not one of us brought a camera to appreciate the sight. Plus, it cost $5 to go up the stairs. I did not feel like paying that amount of money to just climb those stairs. So instead, we decided to go to the beach again and see that “underground” bunker from the war. Well, on our way there, the wind really began to pick up. When we got near the water, the wind suddenly died down. I had no idea why but it did. Tom and Dave went up ahead of me as usual because they walk so fast. Then again, it was probably good that time. I got to meet a cool person there named Melyssa. For once in my life, I actually made the first move and talked to the girl rather than have the girl talk to me. We just managed to keep conversation for some time until Dave and Tom came my way. Apparently, at that time, she tried to push me in the water with the hel of Dave and Tom trying to throw rocks at me. There were some tackling involved and some sort of physical contact going on. We just had such a smile on our faces and such a happiness that filled us that it was pretty incredible. I got her screen name and I also find out that she liked manga, which really helped out the conversation even more. It was pretty cool to meet her and I hope I get to talk to her online soon.

Afterwards, after some more work, we went to church. more later...

well, its been a long time since i last updated huh?  a good two months or so... a lot has happened lately. well, the most important thing that i really need to mention is that me and kaylee arent going out anymore. we had a huge fight to end the relationship and multitudes of lies and deceit ensued soonafterwards. right now, as a result of everything, im not even sure if we're even friends anymore because shes been lying to me all this time after the end of the relationship. also, shes moved on to another guy in no time flat where here i am, hesitating to take interest in another girl. but that's also leading into a whole new story plot there.

a girl from my past has come forth recently. she's been in my mind for some time and ever since we met, i could never shake the thought of her from my mind. granted, i promised myself to not let myself repeat the same mistake i had made 8 months ago. however, it came close to happening once again, but i refused to let it happen. i managed to stay strong in that case. however, as a result, this girl and i have gotten so much closer. this girl's name is heather. this is the girl that i dated about 8 months or so ago and was one of the most memorable girls i have ever dated. this is where my post will turn to...

heather and i used to date last september. the two of us were so close and we absolutely loved each other's company. the two of us could see us being together for a looong time to come. things between us were so perfect; well, it was a well-balanced relationship in general. the first time we met was a very unexpected moment. we were instantly heattracted to another. before her, i didnt believe in liking someone at first sight, but thanks to her, now i do.  i still dont believe in love at first sight however. the only thing that came between us was her parents who did not like me whatsoever. then again, they did catch us kissing each other in her backyard. but thats another story. lol  since then, we lost contact every now and then for like 3 months.. only since December did we start talking constantly. i turned to her, along with many other friends, for help with my last relationship because i was so scared of screwing it up. this was the very first time i felt so scared and that i treasured a relationship... and that relationship with kaylee made me feel soo happy and yet so scared. (id better stop or else i'll go into a whole another rant/post...)

so, throughout the entire relationship, i had with kaylee. we became the best of friends... the best that i could ever ask for. and after the terrible breakup between me and kaylee, heather was one of the first ones i called and cried to. i felt like she was actually comforting me and hugging me as if she was in the room with me. at that time, i could tell she was one of my best friends. i can honestly say dave, tom, jordan, heather, anna, and alana were the ones who were there the most for me. and for that, i'll always be grateful for that. (better stop here or else id get into another rant haha)

as you can see, theres a lot for me to write about.. but i dont have the time to start on any of it. i just wanted to say that im alright for the time being. and that there is a lot of life to live. good day all!

well, since the incident thats happened at school, everythings been kinda calm lately. my relationship with my girl has been better than ever and a tighter bond of trust is between us. however, drama has yet to find its way out of my life. ive kinda figured... drama is life.

nowadays...

uhmm, things have really went back to normal ever since the weekend of the play blew over. its strange… it was so hectic all throughout the time preparing for the play… but now, everything seems strangely calm. I had enough drama for one lifetime really.. but yeah, that’s what the last three posts were about.. so if you have no idea what im talking about, go read those posts! well, yeah, some good news here and there lately.. taylor is back in school after being suspended from school for some time. also, im happy that I can go back to being able to hang out with my friends that I usually hang out at lunch or in the library. other than that, I have a whole mess of work to catch up on and I really feel don’t like doing it. however, I am bringing up my grades slowly and gradually so there should be some good things in my future concerning that. well, I seem to have made peace with my parents at home.. at least a temporary truce. at least that bunch of stress will be lessened and I need as much stress reduced as much as possible. hmm.. well, I think its about time I start on my ranting.

well, lately, my girlfriend seems to be getting along with a lot of my friends that I hang out with.. and I find that awesome because whenever she has the time and ability to hang out with us, she’ll fit in nicely. however, I seem to be getting more and more uncomfortable with this one other person. (I am not mentioning names.) the feelings and emotions im feeling nowadays are so unknown to me… some say its over-protectiveness.. some say its jealousy… in my honest opinion, im not so sure. I sure hope its not jealousy coming over me. that’s all I can say.

well, in other news, tennis is proving to be very interesting. this year, the Varsity team is very serious which is a first in my time at John Carroll. lol The JV is another story however… I wish I could say that all the team is serious but there are these two people who just play as a joke. They can be consistent and all.. barely.. but im pretty skeptical because they even claimed it was a joke. so, why have them on the team if they’re just going to hinder us and hold us back? I don’t know. I see where the coaches are coming from in trying to instill some sort of devotion and passion for the game but that’s in an idealistic world. I hate to say it but I try to be realistic, optimistic, and idealistic all at the same time.. but in this case, I would rather have these two cut. nothing more to say there.  in general, ive been doing alright. my record is well-rounded: 7-4. me and Jordan have been hanging out after school every practice and we just love hanging out with each other. its like making up for lost time.

ive also been hanging around my two newest good friends, ryan and lisa. (also one of the cutest couples ive ever seen) lisa lives right behind my girlfriend’s house. (not that I hang out with lisa because she lives right behind her or anything, im being dead serious.) they have helped me with so much lately. (which I will get into next post.) im in their gratitude. well, that’s all for now. adios!