Saturday, April 05, 2008

• Well, I did it-- I filed my FAFSFA application for student loans, so we'll see how much I get. I've done a reverse 180-- and decided that I do want to go back to college, rather than take the Resource job. Though about a month ago I had decided that I could handle still being in eduction, I have felt those feelings creep up again of not wanting to be committed to the field, and I can't get rid of them. I don't feel like I put 100% into my job, and with teaching, you have to, otherwise a lot of things suffer. My thinking was that I would feel differently in a different position in the same school. I can't guarrantee that I will still feel burdened about this job either, and that kind of scares me. B/c of that, I knew/know that I have to get out.

  I've only told one person about it-- not my principal-- but I'm not sure the reality of the decision has formed yet. I will need to tell my family about the decision, and they probably will be surprised, b/c I just told them like 2 weeks ago I was taking the other Sped teaching job. My principal announced it in our faculty meeting on Wednesday that I was transferring to the position, so now everyone knows. When the announcement is made that I backed out of it, I hope people don't think less of me. But I have to not think about needing their approval-- My God is the only approval I need.

  I can't even begin to think about what it's going to be like going back to college and having to move all my STUFF 400 miles. I also don't even want to think about having to leave my friends and my church here. Oy Vey.

  • 12:43 PM
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