Saturday, December 15, 2007

  • Oh my God.  My dad is officially annoying me to the Nth degree.

    You may remember, a while back after his not-so-fabulous prognosis of Stage 3 cancer in his brain, I asked if he'd write down some memories of stuff so after he's gone his grandchildren can still get to know him.  Both my kids and my sister's potential kids.  Because there are still so many things I wish I knew about my grandparents and great-grandparents.  So I asked him about it tonight in between his rantings about my mom (don't get me started - but I seriously wanted to ask "So if you hate her so much, why don't you get a freakin' divorce?" numerous times).

    His reply in a nutshell?  "No."  Because he basically doesn't care.
    I asked him "So you don't want your grandchildren to know anything about you?  At all?  I don't even know anything from your younger years.  And come on, not many people can say they grew up in a chicken coop."
    "Nope.  It's better to live in the future."

    I really wanted to strangle him.  So, I guess my kids will never know their grandpa.  He basically ignores them when he "stays" with us (aka using us as a hotel room), and I'm going to try my darnedest to not attempt to color my children's view of him with how crappy he's been to me.  Gah.  I guess my kids will know the neighbor's grandpa better - my 4yo already knows who "H's Grandma!" is, he's met her several times and thinks she's great.  Even if he does tire her out.  Even H's grandpa probably spent more time playing with him at H's un-birthday part than my dad has in like a year.

    It's just his perpetual selfishness.  I'm really starting to get sick of it.

Comments (5)

  • lilmizzie27

    My grandfather died of several different diseases a few years back.
    The only things I know of him is what my mom and her siblings tell us.
    We all have our own stories of Grampa, wether we choose to
    remember how crappy he was at time, or how often he called us
    Sh*t *sses when he had altzheimers. :) I guess it's collecting stories
    from families, and not knowing every detail of his life that makes us
    remember him so well.

    ... don't strangle him :) he loves you.

  • tinybutterfly
    Maybe sometimes it's better NOT to know too much, ya know? Maybe he doesn't have the ability to filter out the bad stuff and pass some good stuff on? If all he would have to say would be negative, then maybe it's best to just let it go. If he has treated you badly as an adult...and he hasn't been interested in your children, they will eventually form their own opinons about him. It's great that you are able to not say bad things about him to them...I know that can be hard. (((((HUGS))))) Has his personality changed due to the tumor? Is that part of his not caring? Or was he always this way? P.S. My dad barely knows my kids, but he knows my step-sister's kids really, really well. Family can be so complicated. P.P.S. If I've stepped on your toes, I am sorry.
  • tinybutterfly
    RYC-No, it's not silly at all. I think it is very normal to hope. ((((HUGS)))
  • ShackintheMountains
    I'm so sorry.  I understand why this is important to you.  Is there anyone else who knows him who could give you some stories?   Otherwise I agree with the TB, maybe it's for the best. 
  • MagnoliaMama
    I hear you. I struggle so much with this aspect of relationships with the elders in my family. None of them seem to give a cr@p about me or my kids, but yet I feel the children would benefit from some kind of story to tell about them.

    I think I've decided that I'll share what I know biographically and geographically about them, and then if the kids really want more context then we can do all kinds of cool internet research on the time period and the location where they lived and worked. That way, they can kind of add context where it is missing. And skip all of the stupid bullcr@p that the clueless adults pass on or refuse to pass on.
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