Freedom is good.  Actually, it's pretty much awesome.  You never realize how much you miss your freedom until your out of that controlling relationship.  You never realize how much you miss silly things, like staying up utnil sunrise with your friends, or going to Ihop with people you just met, until you're out of the relationship that took you away from it.  The relationship has been over, but boyyyy do I have a story.

Last weekend I had my parents house to myself.... wiiiith several of my friends.  I have my computer in my room & one of my friends was on my computer.  I get a scared cry from her, along with a, "Daisy(my knickname).... come here...."  I go in my room & she's looking on google.  She had been searching for 'free phones' when 'free animal sex' popped up.  =|  So we started looking through the google search history & there were other things, details which can be refrained from, being that they're quite disgusting.  However I'll tell you there were searches for horses, donkeys, dogs, couches (yes, couches), etc.  All from when he'd had my computer for about 5 or 6 weeks. 

So I was completely angry, embarassed, but laughing a little at the same time.  I believe I even made the comment "God, I could handle it if It was normal human porn. but this..."

So needless to say, just another affirmation that I won't be with him again.  Things have been going well actually.  I'm enjoying being able to do whatever I want without him questioning who I was with or what I was doing.  He always added up the time & told me that it never made sense, the story that I told him.  Then again, I was sometimes lying to him because I knew that if he found out that I was at my friends house for 30 minutes between work & school, he'd have a feild day screaming at me & if he was actually in town, worse...

But that's all over now & I'm definitely having a better life just being able to do whatever I want, and, actually, being able to go to school & work as well.  Believe it or not he never believed me when I told him I was at school or at work either.  He always found some strange, made up excuse as to why he thought I was somewhere other than what I had told him. 

I did have a nightmare about him though, two nights ago.  I was just standing there talking to my friends & he was walking towards me continually, not stopping or wavering.  He was just looking straight at me, walking towards me, holding a bright blue (of all things) knife in his hands.  He got right on me & pushed me with his whole body as he walked at a steady pace.  No matter how hard I pushed back I couldn't push him away from me or get around him or anything.  But that was just a dream. 

And I also had a dream where I signed onto his screen name & another girl had written him a big long msg, then said "I love v" at the end, (no, not u, v) and I got mad at her, not because she was telling him she loved him, but because she couldn't even spell 'you' in 'u' form correctly.  Haha. 

Anyway, so there's a little update for everyone.  I'll try to get on & write more, but life is busy w/ school & work 4 days a week, 14 hours a day.  Fridays, Saturdays & Sundays I'm usually trying to spend time w/ my family & friends to make up for the weekdays. 

Hope everyone's summer is going well!

Time doesn't ever really stop.  It doesn't even slow.  In fact, time is a stubborn being, it goes on and on with no regard to our wishes that sometimes we could have more of it.  Unfortunately, with the progression of time, we must progress as well.  Most of the time I'd say this was a good thing.  But sometimes, out of the progression of time we just can't find the power to stop the devastation of it's wrath, then we get angry at yesterday because we can't get it back. 

I'm quite typical.  I can't stand for things to change.  I get in my comfort zone and when things get out of sync I usually am physically ill until I get used to the new.  That's what's going on today.  Last night Shane showed me that his mental status was way beyond "one flew over the coocoo's nest".  Even though we're not together, I still felt a sense of fidelity towards him.  I didn't want to date anyone because I knew that if he got better & kept trying like he was, I'd probably want to be with him again.  Last night I learned from somebody that for the past 3, possibly 4 months he's been sleeping with some girl multiple times a week.  I learned that I'm in his cell phone as "baby#1".  He told me he cheated on me because he thought I was cheating on him with one of my male friends.  He said, "I never fucked anybody over who didn't have it coming to them." Then later on when I convinced him I wasn't cheating, he went on a guilt trip & started telling me he was sorry & asking if he messed things up for good.  Of course he did.  Oh, there was also a point where he said, "I told her to tell you that, because I can't trust myself around you to not hurt you."  I told him no matter which one was true, I wasn't going to be with him at all, and that last night was probably the last conversation we'd ever have.  It doesn't change the fact that I wish it was yesterday morning, though.  I truly wish I didn't know any of this.  But then again, I guess it's better to know than be ignorant to people walking all over you. 

Hope everyone's day is well.

It's been a few days since I've written.  I have no other excuse than the truth, honestly, so I'll say it:  I'm lazy.  Well, okay I'm not lazy in general.  I just have been so caught up in work and school that every time I logged on & started to write, the process never actually got finished. 

So where do I start?  I guess I should inform everyone that we reached a milestone yesterday -  Shane called me & said "It's 11:00 am and I'm craving alcohol.... This isn't normal."  Then admitted that he could possibly need rehab.  Although we're not together, I'm still happy to see at least some form of an attempt on his part to take care of himself & realize his problems.  He's even trying to stop smoking, which is huge.  I actually, at one point, was willing to put up with his smoking habit if he quit everything else.  It didn't work, but still....

I have a job interview today!  Yes, the work-god's have smiled upon me and decided to at least give me the chance to get out of this hell-hole I work in.  You wouldn't believe how typical this office is.  There's the tech guys who are quiet & a little rude, then an office full of girls with at least one (sometimes two) that love to start drama, I keep to myself & my boss pretty much.  (Considering she's my Mom...)  The gossiping ladies (who are all much older than me) drive me crazy.  There's one whom I've knicknamed "Bird Lady" because she came to work one day with her hair resembling the feathers of a cockateil.  Another who's quite two faced, she's the one I can tolerate most.  She's nice whenever Bird Lady isn't here, but then when she is here she's a total caddy-high-school-girl wanna be.  We're an advertising agency, so we have sales guys who are the epitome of stereotypical.  They're loud & overly friendly & have incredibly creepy grins on their faces at most times, even when a grin is unbearably inappropriate. 

Don't get me wrong, it's not an incredibly awful place to work in, but it is, sometimes, a place I prefer to avoid rather then being here.  And in my mind, you should enjoy your job.  You should enjoy the people and the thing that you do.  So hopefully today I'll like this new place, and they'll like me.  But who knows what'll happen.  God has his plans, so we'll have to wait and see. 

Hope everyones weekend is good!