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| 2 AMFuck me.
Started over...at 2am.
Yup...what's new?
Well, I think I might have to get rid of my new bunny.
He's a pain in the ass!!!!
He chewed threw my cell phone charger & the cord to my computer speakers.
Mother fucker....
I love him, he's cute....but god damn he's costing me a lot of money!
Plus my dad still doesn't know I have him.
Friday is coming up quick...
Shit, I have to take my placement test that day.
I'm still not even sure I want to....go to college I mean.
Ugh, fuck my life.
After that fucking talk with my ex I've been even more fucked in the head.
I don't know why I always let him get to me.
He thinks he knows me so fucking well, reality check dickhead, you don't know shit about me!
Whatever, I'm so sick of people trying to bring me down with their immature, insignificant fucking problems.
Time to go for another walk at 4am.
Just to listen to music & zone out.
Try not to get hit by a car....haha.
Hmm...what do I have to do today?
House work...yeah.
Then probably just gonna sleep all day again.
But this time when I wake up I'm not going to go eat.
Haven't cut or burned in awhile.
In recovery?
Maybe...probably shouldn't call it that.
If I do then I'm sure it'll get fucked up.
2 AM & she calls me 'cause I'm still awake,
"Can you help me unravel my latest mistake?
I don't love him. Winter just wasn't my season".
Yeah we walk through the doors, so accusing their eyes...
Like they have any right at all to criticize...
Hypocrites. You're all here for the very same reason.
*Edit*
Still haven't eaten...but I'm sure I will.
Gotta go help mother at work, gotta get some money!
I need to get a new charger & the boy still wants me to dye my hair pink, haha.
I'm in a pretty good mood today.
I hope it lasts this time.
I have Gatorade Frost...it's amazing.
My new skinny jeans that I bought on Friday are getting too big on me already.
I still haven't taken the tag off the other ones yet....so I might end up bringing them back & getting a smaller size.
My bunny really is a major pain in the ass...but I think I'd feel bad if I get rid of him. Ugh.
I don't think he means to be bad...he's just a poor little bunny. Or maybe he's the spawn of the devil. Haha.
Might watch 10,000 B.C. tonight, hope it's good.
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| Again & again.Ate a salad.
Started my fast (again) at 3 AM.
3am.4am.5am.6am.7am.8am.9am.10am.11am.12pm.
1pm.2pm.3pm.4pm.5pm.6pm.7pm.8pm.9pm.10pm.11pm.12am.
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| This is Bandit...
He was trying to text on my phone, haha.
So he stuck out his tongue at me.
I love my bunny. <3
I fucked up my fast nothing new....
Whatever.
It wont happen again.
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| The boy went out camping for the weekend.
It's kind of nice having a little break...
Yeah, I sound like a bitch...oh well.
Went out rock 'n' glow bowling on Friday.
It was just me & my friend Danielle.
It was fun, we got hit on by drunk guys from the bar. Haha.
I also went shopping on Friday.
I got 2 new pairs of skinny jeans.
I also got my bunny.
I've named him Bandit. <3
He's the cutest little thing ever.
But he sure is a pain in the ass.
Well I'm fasting, hopefully 'till the end of the month.
Today is going well so far, I just have to keep it up.
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I can't stand people right now.
I can't stand myself right now.
I wish I could just go cut.
I wish I could just go die.
Today will be better.
Depression will not win.
I wont let this thing inside of me rear it's ugly head.
Not like this...not again.
I'm going to get better.
One day at a time.
I think I should hide my scale.
Out of site, out of mind?
I guess it's worth a try.
I'll probably go crazy not knowing my weight.
But knowing it makes me crazy too.
I know where this is taking me...
Either to a therapist, IP, or the grave.
I hate therapists...I refuse to go to IP...& I wont let this kill me.
So the only thing left to do is 'recover'.
Whatever the fuck that means.
I can't keep doing this to myself.
But I can't bring myself to get better.
I'd rather starve than eat.
I'd rather die than gain.
So it's either lay down & die...or fight.
Right now I'd rather die.
But I can't do that...
I have so much left to do.
I have so much left to give.
I'll make it.
One day, everyone will know me...they'll know I overcame.
This thing wont win, it wont become me.
I will reclaim myself, and by doing so I'll lead the life I always wanted.
After I'm dead, I'd rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one.
- Marcus Porcius Cato
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