your absolutely everything to me.. and without you im goin crazy.. i dont know what to do with myself.. and its hard to get thru.. theres no regrets.. but i want you back.. i know things happen for a reason.. and theres nothing i can do about it.. as hard as its gonna be for me.. this is something that i gotta do.. and it doesnt mean that i want to.. im setting you free.. my feelings havent changed since the first day i met you.. and if you ever wanted to come back.. your welcome with open arms.. im offcially missing you.. and this pain im feeling.. it wont go away.. nothing's changed.. and everything will stay.. its all still up.. and wont come down.. the pictures.. the memories.. everything.. will forever stay.. weve been through so much together.. and i thank you for it all.. youre an amazing person.. and you deserve the best.. i want you to be happy.. even if its not with me.. as long as were friends.. ill be ok.. its the next best thing i guess.. these have been the best eight and a half months of my liiife.. ive never been any happier.. i just hope everything between us will eventually be ok.. everyday my chin gets higher.. id still do anything for you.. i miss you so much.. and ive gotta admit.. i still love you

FRiDAY - was ian's suprise party!!! wooo! project ikea was a success! haha.. what a werid ass day of running around with nicole! lol.. maganda! .. eww.. how violating! and free ice cream from the guy at shoprite! lol.. bumperfender =P goood one! but yeaa.. had fun! =) played poker.. and OMG! i WASNT LAST! i was 4th our of nine people! not badd! lol.. i got ian his coldstone cake i promised like a month ago! haha.. shit was bangin! then i had to go.. sorry i couldnt help clean `;D good stuff mann..

SATURDAY - was mike's birthday.. went out to eat at olive garden with his famfam.. shit was banging! i could always go for some olive garden! then after i cleaned and what not.. packed and shit.. then when i told my mom we were goin bowlin.. she yelled at me and told me we couldnt go.. but whatever.. she ended up letting us go anyway =) went to pick up chris cause i wanted to see him before i left.. went to a fair in perth amboy.. woodbridge.. then bowling.. gabe and mike beat our asses.. but hey.. at least we won once! =).. shit was hella fun! then these kids decide their hungry.. so off to grease trucks.. mMmm.. good stuff.. then holy crap.. on the way to drop off chris.. i hopped a curb and popped my tire!  didnt realize it until after i dropped off chris.. paniced like a mother fucker .. ended up goin to the gas station and they helped changed the tire.. got home at 1145 and got yelled at.. i was suppose to be home at 930! oopz! my bad.. so now i got my driving priviledges taken away for a week.. sucks.. casue theres so much i wanna do.. that i cant unless i find a ride.. how gay.. but i guess i deserve it..casue KARMA iS THE BiGGEST BiTCH EVErRr.. i knew something was gonna happen eventually.. i lie too much! oopz! but yea.. so no driving =( but hey.. id do it all again! i had soooo much fun!

THE CRUiSE - july 17 to july 24 - was freakin AWESOME! at first i was like.. ehh i wish so and so was here.. i wish friends came.. blah blah.. but as time went on.. it got better.. did my own thing.. went to shows.. saw movies.. bingo.. clubbin.. and all that goods stuff.. came home whenever.. it was hott! went by hella fast too! cant believe its over! tuesday got off at port canaveral in florida and went to cocoa beach.. water was wonderful! sun blazing and the water was warm! hot shittt man! makes jersery shores look like shit! haha.. gotta niice tan from that =) next day we got off in miami.. [[ happy eight months chris =) ]]damn that's another hot place! went to south beach and say versace's house.. whoa nelly! lol.. water and weather there too was baning! topless beaches are madd funny! lol.. hella gay guys there though! ate at some cuban resturant.. good stuff =) next day got off at great stirrup cay.. its a private island in the bahamas for norwegian.. and damn was that water amazing! perfect if you ask me! haha.. went snokling with gabe.. say pretty fish and stingrays.. i was soo stupid.. i totally forgot that if you go too deep underwater.. the water will go in your snorkle.. so stupid me goes under water and chokes on the salty water! hahahah.. got my hair braided there.. shit hurts! lol.. that night landed in nassau, bahamas.. sooo freakin pretty! stayed on the boat though.. it was too late to see anything.. next day got a tour of nassau and pleasure island.. went to atlantis.. and damn was that place pretty! they have a michael jackson room.. he was the first one to stay in that room.. and its freakin $25,000 a night! holy shit! hahah.. the aquariaum was hot! lol.. then went shopping at the strawmarket and down main street.. got some cool stuff! lol.. on the way back.. we were heading into a typoon.. and holy shit.. was this boat rocking.. got major sea sick! was in the chocolate buffet and i almost tipped over! .. haha.. headed to bed and was out by 630.. i was soo nauseated! when i lied face up.. i felt all my food and my lungs in my throat! yucky! haha.. missed out on our special filipino food dinner! oh well.. lol then saturday was a whole day on the ship.. sunday landed at like 10.. got off and waited for kuya dodong and them.. stopped by gelly's house.. saw my best friend abby! =) haha.. cutest chick ever =P then got home at like 3..

SUNDAY - on the way hope passed by the emerald ballroom and say chris and christian in the window! hahaha.. pretty funny! got home and stuffed all my food down my throat.. i missed chinese food! lol.. then went to practice at chloe's.. saw chris after freakin 5 days of not talkin to him.. and 7 days of not seeing him! aHh! i missed him sooo freakin much! =) he ran passed me when i was talkin to chloe's parents.. i was just like.. wtf? niice to see you too.. and he comes back holding flowers for me and says happy eight months! i LOVE YOU CHRiS! [[ thanks chloe..]] haha.. ohh man! =) then he left early to go to a party.. i got him a shirt that says "SMiLE, MON" haha.. and two poker chips from the ship.. one was a dollar.. and the other was 50 cents.. haha.. one day ill get him real poker chips so that he can have poker night at his house =P but yeaa.. practice was uhh.. yeaa?! .. buddy was there! missed his ass too! lol.. i missed everyone and everything! i absolutely love my life! hugs galore! =P

THiS WEEK - wanna go out tomorrow.. but that aint gonna happen unless i find a ride.. might chill with nicole before she leaves.. wednesday.. iono? thursday chris is comin over.. and then we got practice.. [[ holy shit! im talkin about thrusday aready.. feels soo near! ]] friday.. not shure? weekend? no idea.. sucks not havin a car dammit! but im shure stuff will come up! and i have loving friends and family and that will give me a lift =) chloe's sweet sixteen is comin up in like 2 weeks.. hot damn! didnt start summer reading.. dont even wanna talk about school.. i love summer! and i dont ever want it to leave! i need to work on my tennis skills with mae.. gotta remember the game and get better! practice practice practice! lol.. oh man.. so much to do.. definately no time! ok i think thats it now.. =P

everything will make you smile.. when you find somebody to hold you
dont you know ill never lie.. its easier to breath when you need somebody
who makes you laugh.. who makes you glad.. glad that you didnt just give it up
somebody that your comfortable to live it up with.. what ive got is what im feelin
i think i really know what love is now.. how itll get you.. how it looks.. how it sounds
and how it makes you feel.. when you finally found somebody special
and i think i really know what love is now.. and how it makes you smile when your down and out
when the world treats you cold.. it sees you love when youve found somebody special

 
i LOVE YOU SO MUCH CHRiS  =)

i have no idea what i would do without you..

fuckin angelo made my blog go bye bye! that shit hole! i freakin gotta go to church soon.. and this bitch wanted to go on aim+ and my blog disappeared! gRr.. damn.. aright so this aint gonna be as good as the original.. but hey.. fuck all the stuff i said before about how i was doin.. lets cut down to the chase.. faggot angelo over here is laughin at me.. so anyway..

x0m a r y  grace: mikee.. can you promise me something..
blazenxpnoi: yes mary?
x0m a r y  grace: that no matter what..
x0m a r y  grace: we'll ALWAYS be friends
blazenxpnoi: yes
blazenxpnoi: i promiseee
x0m a r y  grace: wow.. im tearin up! lol
x0m a r y  grace: thanks mikee!
x0m a r y  grace: i dont wanna lose a friend like you.. nah mean
blazenxpnoi: I LUV YA KID!
x0m a r y  grace: i love you to mikeee!

i have the greatest friends in the world! and i dont know where i would be without them.. cause see.. you know when your in eighth grade and you sign yearbooks.. and you say.. oh well be friends forever.. and you have a reserved seat at my wedding and what not.. and no matter what we'll be friends.. even through out high school.. well that doesnt always happen.. i know people change when they get to high school.. and they meet new friends and all.. but you know.. i dont even talk to some of my friends from saint matthew's.. i mean yea we try.. but you know.. its hard.. as you grow older.. you know whose gonna be there with you through everything.. and whose never gonna leave.. NO MATTER WHAT.. they'll be the shoulder for you to cry on through the heartaches and breakups.. through the hard times and the easy.. they'll be there when you get caught by the police when you first get your license..  they'll be there when you turn 18 to hit up the strip clubs with you.. haha.. they'll be there to party with you when you turn 21.. and they'll be there for you to hold your hair back when you drink illegally! =P.. they'll be there at you wedding in the entorage.. they'll be there for you when you turn the whopping 50! you'll grow old together!.. your kids will grow up together and be best friends.. as time goes by.. you decipher whose always gonna be down.. you learn to realize who your real friends are.. if church wasnt in 10 minutes.. i could go on forever.. but i gotta say i love my friends!! and there my everything.. you know who you are.. thanks for everything.. and i got you.. like you have me.. aright church calls.. im out! =)

chris is in virginia and i miss him!