Monday, February 04, 2008

• Part 2

  There has been such a demand for the next part of "The Story" here is another post:
  
  
  "The Story...Part 2"
  Before I begin with current events, I need to clarify a few things from the last post.  This fella' had expressed interest in me all those years ago to my brother but never officially talked to my dad as far as I know.  When I heard about his interest I told my brother that there was no way I would ever consider marriage to this guy, my brother passed this information on to him...  The fella never actually talked to my dad until much later...but more on that in a minute.  After I said "no" three years ago, he came back to me and apologized for being out of line and said he hoped that we could still be friends.  I remember thinking that it was not possible to still be "friends" after something like that came up in a friendship....but somehow we managed to do it.  We became even better friends....and I am glad!  In response to the question, did he pursue me again, I have only just found out that he has been dealing with this issue for over three years! Nothing was said to me about the situation again until one month ago today.
  
  Now...lets see, where was I?  Ahh... Part Two of "The Story".
  
  Since I was old enough to understand the concept of marriage, I have had very definite ideas about the kind of man who would be a possible candidate to step into the role of husband in my life.  Having a very strong willed heart myself, I didn't figure there was anyone out there who could blend with my personality.  I spent quite a bit of time telling myself there just had to be at least one, but didn't really believe it.  So, when I met this fella' six years ago, I wasn't really at a place in my relationship with the Lord where I could honestly evaluate anyone for this position of leader in my life.  I was still a kid, dealing with my own issues and living in a bit of heart rebellion to the Lord.  However, in reading through my journals of past years, there were many character requirements that were added to "The List" during this season of growing.
  
  When this fella' and my oldest brother became good friends I naturally spent more time in his company.  I hang out with my brothers all the time so we were naturally together a lot.  The more time we all spent together, I saw a friendship between he and my brother deepen into that of very best friends.  The fact that one of the requirements on my "List" was that whoever I married had to have a friendship with my brother, 'cause my brother and I are best friends I didn't plan on giving that friendship up just to get married, crossed my mind but I couldn't go there with that train of thought....
  
  Girls, you can understand when I say that those of us who committed to leave our hearts in the Lord's hands have a more difficult road than most.  It means we have to work extra hard to not encourage young men in a way that would draw unwanted attention to ourselves. I became an expert at concealing interest or any other such emotion that could be misunderstood.  If a guy was interested in me, I wanted it to be because he knew that it was something God had led him to and not because of anything I had done to purposely draw his attention.  I wanted to be found serving the Lord, not looking for a husband!
  
  This being the case I chose not to make more of the events the next few years would bring than what I saw at face value. Meaning, I didn't read into anything nice he did for me as being something special just for me.  Or the fact that I would look forward to time spent with him....he was a brother, right? To be honest, I went completely in the opposite direction.  I immensely enjoyed this fella's company, but couldn't make too much of it.  He had so many things that were similar to my life and goals and visions... but I convinced myself that I just knew it wouldn't work. 
  
  Someone asked me why I said "no" the first time (even though the question was not officially asked).  Well, there were two specific areas that we disagreed about, which were important to me.  I knew enough to understand that you cannot change people.  If I couldn't accept these things being different, then a relationship beyond friendship wouldn't work.  I also knew there was a specific vision this fella had, and because of my health issues I did not want him to ever have to choose between following God's call on his life and being able to provide for me.  In those moments when my brother shared the fact that this fella was interested in me, I reacted.  I never expected that he was interested...and I was slightly upset because there were a couple of major issues that would not allow it to work.  In my pride, I said some things that were not at all kind...and unfortunately he heard them.
  
  Yet even in this....God would take the next three years to develop a friendship not based on any kind of potential interest, refine character issues and draw both this fella' and I us closer to Himself.
  
  I know ya'll hate "to be continued" but this is it for now!  I'll write more soon....
  
  Oh...and also pray for me.  I was in another car accident today.  Thankfully, no one was injured but some of the issues I had just gotten over from the previous accident have resurfaced.  Pray that I'll be able to leave it all in the Lord's capable hands!
  

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