Tuesday, March 25, 2008

• A Story...Part 3

  I guess I am overdue for the next installment of this story....  There will be several in a row as I have a lot to catch you all up on!
  
  In December of last year, Josh (formerly know as "this fella" ) came home from Virginia where he had gone to finish a degree and find a job after teaching locally for many years.  It was around Christmas time and he usually spent time with our family during the holidays.  This year as he was around and something was different.  I had no idea what was going on at this point but I could tell something was up.  Because I was still in my state of denial as to my true feelings on the subject, I had everyone convinced that anything more than just being friends with Josh was out of the question.  How glad I am that God does not give us what we think we want...or make decisions based on what we feel at any given moment!
  
  Christmas passed and the new year started.  Josh again spent pretty much the entire New Years Day at our house.  Since we are friends and have always enjoyed each others company I had a good time.  Little did I know how my life was about to be turned upside down!
  
  Unknown to me, Josh had called my dad a couple of months before and asked if he (Josh) had any chance to be more than friends with me.  He came home having absolutely no idea whether I would be open or not, but knew that God had put the things in his heart he was dealing with and that he needed an answer one way or another so he could move on with life.  Josh started popping up at the most random times....I called my mom one day and she had just finished a long conversation with him.   I remember asking her if he was getting ideas about me....she said that I just really needed to pray and seek God about Josh and what I wanted or didn't want.   Then Josh showed up at my church that Sunday!  I saw him come in from where I sat in the choir loft and felt my heart nearly jump out of my chest.  What on earth was he doing there?  Then after the service, my dad invited him over for lunch...which my dad never does!!!!  We didn't really talk much that day...I was still in shock, I think, and he had a lot on his mind.  He asked my parents if they could "talk" and spent over two hours behind closed doors.
  
  While they were talking I was wrestling with my own issues.... You see, Josh and I come from very different lives.  I kept thinking that we were too different and came from such different places that we would not be able to come to a good place because of the extremely different lives we had lived.  As I kept telling God things of this nature, I remember clear as day when He hit me over the head with a baseball bat.  Through the words of James which I had been studying, God pointed out to me that I was making distinctions among myself.  I realized that I was so busy telling God what could or could not happen that I had not really stopped to ask what He wanted.  I left the sink full of dishes I was washing and went to my room.  I fell on my knees that day and confessed the sin of arrogance and pride and asked forgiveness from the Lord for my attitude.  I told Him that I was willing for whatever His best was...and that I was ready to look and recognize whether or not it was Josh.  I felt peace come to my heart that I had not ever had before....

  • 11:30 PM
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