Sorry for not being around. It's just been one of those weeks. (Or two...) Everything all at once. But life is like that sometimes, and I don't mind. As long as I'm free here and there to sneak out and have a little personal time...
CLICK for high res image... (Three image composite)
"...Feeling Hollow..."
(RAW image dual-processed for sky and earth, merged in PS CS3.)
I definitely am feeling lonely right now; it's week eight of Joy's ten-week study abroad program. So I've been two months without a real embrace, let alone a kiss. Sure, I went some ~20 years without any of that for the first part of my life, but having been with Joy now for 4+ years, it's just different. (And yes, I'm ~24; you do the math... Speaking of math, I proposed to Joy a year and two days ago.
May 6th. I'll never forget.) But anyway, I'm blue. And the Donna Lewis probably isn't helping much. LOL.
I've come to realize just how much my own happiness depends on her presence, and her love. Because going so long without holding each other, I just begin to sink...
I have to laugh whenever someone hints to me that I come across as cocky, conceited, or bragging. Because I'm actually very, very self-deprecating. I think being highly critical of your past and current self is key to improving and getting truly good at something, so maybe this disposition has helped me improve my photography to some extent. But a lot of the time, the darker side is still the more prevalent- there is still so much more to photograph, I could always do so much better, and there will never be a day when I can sit back and say "I have arrived, I'm as good as I can / need to be..." At least I can identify and expose my emotions in an objective manner, objective meaning I can sort of step "outside" myself, detach, and understand everything that I'm feeling. Normally this would be cause for alarm, but I'm in complete control, or at least I don't ever feel that my emotions control me, I never feel helpless or anything. Just presently inferior.
But that's what tomorrow is for. Doing better. I always do better tomorrow. And I'm not too bad of a person (or photographer) to begin with, anyway...
=Matt=
Comments (19)
You seem pretty nice to me... Very knowledgable at and proud of what you do, there is nothng wrong with that. And it is so cool that you are willing to share what you know with others.
I am sorry that your missing your honey.
Going without a good hug is hard... not to mention hot monkey love. lol But it is really good that you two allow each other a little distance to be who you are and grow. Once your together again the time will be a distant memory!
Be happy Matt!
cool shots dude...always a self portrait...
you'll be alrite, only two more weeks =) it'll pass like nothing
Yep. You always have to strive to become better. You just HAVE to.
Hang in there, she'll be back!
You'll be alright brother
Absence clears the mind and builds relationships in the way they should go.
Incredible photos as always man... Whoa.
Virtual hugs, coming your way!!! uuunnnnmmmppppfffff!!! (My 9 yr olds version of an email/chat hug) Hang in, hon, and also, don't forget to let your girl know all these things you're telling us!
You? Cocky, conceited, or bragging? NO WAY! Your willingness to share your knowledge is just the opposite...it's self-less, sharing, caring...all those things. Just tell me who's been hinting otherwise and I'll slap 'em silly for you.
re: Joy. Like Eric said..Absence makes the heart grow fonder....
@mommyfish -
Hey Nancy, actually you'd have to slap-silly at least half the people I know. I get it all the time. And to some extend, rightly so, because on the surface, admittedly, every now and then I do hint at my photographic skill, or good looks. (Even though the majority of the time, I actually believe the opposite. It's just that I never mention it, so when I mention the opposite, people think I'm more serious than I actually am...)
Take care,
=Matt=
By the way, I'm not looking for attention or praise here. I'm just blogging how I feel. I suppose a few "you're a good man charlie brown..." comments are in order, but that's okay...
=Matt=
You wrote: I have to laugh whenever someone hints to me that I come across as cocky, conceited, or bragging.
I have never felt anything like that coming from you and you should'nt ever feel this way.Beside's, we both know that I'm a better photographer than you, better looking and much more knowledgable about photography. In fact I'm quite the expert on digital capture and have been since its inception. Some even say that I was the person who invented the term..Chipping.
HA! Ha! Ha! Now that is cocky, conceited and bragging! And yes its all true.....NOT! LOL!!
=Randall=
~
Dude you're not cocky or conceited...wait...you're not on DPR are you? Hahaha ^_^
Well, you seem like a nice, cocky, conceited & bragging kind of guy. LOL
It's always a joy to come by your site and see what you have done and to read your thoughts. I especially like it when you give photography tips and advice.
Glad it's not much longer until your fiance comes home. It is hard to be away from the one you love for so long.
Let's talk about these amazing B&W photos! Each one is so evocative. Hope to see them printed and framed someday...the clouds over Saddleback is gorgeous
nice photos! love the self portrait! keep hanging in there.
Watch out Ansel Adams.....Here comes Matt
. GREAT SHOTS!
Holy majolie Matt what lovely photos! My dad was looking at the last one, and while I realize it's a self portrait and taking into consideration your present feeling the title makes sense, he did suggest an interesting title based upon the sense it evoked in him, that is, transient; meaning that you're presence, compared to the beach itself, is not much more than a shadow and long after you leave that beach will still be there.
-Timothy
@Balisktic - Tim, that is extremely well-attuned to my outlook on nature and landscapes in general. When I am in a setting like that one in the photo, I am very very aware of two things: How much nature can isolate and dwarf just one person, and also how much we as humans are collectively responsible for "leaving this world the way we found it..." This very same ocean water that I connected with here is probably being toxified on innumerable other beaches, elsewhere in the world, some not far from home I'm sure...
Take care and thanks for commenting,
=Matt=
GREAT SHOTS! ALL REALLY NICE! WONDERFUL