Today, I had an insight about a way to circumvent my fear of failing. It started as I was reading the book,
On Becoming A Leader by
Warren Bennis. In chapter three titled, "Knowing Yourself", Bennis was
relaying the perspective of Marty Kaplan on a learning attitude.
What
occurred to me is that instead of seeing a situation as an opportunity
to fail or succeed, I need to see it as an opportunity to learn and
grow.
This is especially important, when I feel afraid to act,
because I might fail to get it right or fail to meet others
expectations. My fear usually produces high anxiety because my worth is
threatened by the possibility of failing. But what if the outcome is
not about if I succeed but if I learn. What if each decision or action
were not a test of my ability to be right but an opportunity to get
hands on experience in learning something new or improving my skills .
What
if challenging situations no longer held the power to determine if I am
a success or a failure but only the power to teach me. I feel much
better being challenged in my ability to learn than my ability to
succeed. If I don't get it right, I am not a failure, I just know what
doesn't work, and the next time I will try something different.
In
my mind this takes the power away from life experience to determine my
worth and instead gives me the power to make life experience my teacher.
Comments (8)
Thanks Michael, That was great. I was trying to explain the same thing to someone but was not able as clearly as this so I sent them you words.
This is extremely helpful, since our worth is determined by God as displayed on the cross of Christ.
Our culture dictates that personal worth is determined by productivity, or success, or looks, or popularity, or winning at sports or in a contest, or creating something useful, etc.
Conversely our worth is already established, as we are already highly valued and loved by our heavenly Father. Truly this good news is tremendously liberating!
That is so true, but I never tire of hearing/reading about this - and you said it so well! I think I love to hear this a lot because I'm bombared with the opposite message daily! Maybe we all are?
I am so grateful that it is actually my Creator who defines me, and that He doesn't value me based on my skills or performance or looks. In fact, He lovingly encourages me. As if that wasn't wonderful enough, He also helps me to grow and learn. When I don't do so well, He still loves me. I am priceless because He intensely loves me. And a challenge that could be used to frustrate me or discourage me or belittle me, God turns around and uses to teach me.
Not only do I have to face many who value me based on my performance, but I can be hard on myself. I think, perhaps, being so hard on myself is worse. Maybe that is another reason why I enjoy discussions on this topic - it is something I need, to be reminded once in a while of what I already know in my head to be true. It always feels like God is giving me a hug.
He speaks to my heart and tells me I am loved, cherished, worth it all, and invaluable.
@Wife_of_Tom -
I appreciate your response, Stephanie!
so i wrote this really long answer... then decided that it wasnt my blog, so i should keep it simple. Your post has inspired an upcoming blog of my own though... I really like what you said. I know i let failure have too much say in my life and there's really no reason it should. Sometimes we just need a good honest cup of humility, and if that's what failure brings- then we can at least be grateful for that.
anyways, thanks for posting!
I remember hearing someone say, "What would you do if you had no fear?" It's a tough one and I realize it's a hurdle I have to step over quite often. Thanks for writing.
I agree. It's a great growing tool and team builder (or team breaker).
How about other peoples failure and how it affects us?
We live, we learn, we grow.
Great post, I especially enjoyed all of the responses.