well, we didn't have to try for long!

it's been killing me keeping this a secret, but all is well and we can finally tell the world now.  you guessed it -- we're pregnant.  we're 13½ weeks along, and so far everything's been a breeze.  turns out we got pregnant on our birth control (again -- for the 4th time in a row) but that seems to be the way i operate   it looks like all we have to do is think about getting pregnant and it happens.

anyway, we kept it quiet for a while.  we've known since week 5, but we wanted to learn more before we started blabbing to everyone.  and i will admit that it was getting really hard to keep it hidden because of my ever-expanding waistline.  it is true that by kid #4, you do do grow a lot bigger a lot sooner.  but anyway, we were nervous wrecks and weren't really excited at first.  we were grateful that God blessed us with another life; that's what we were praying for, but we were just really anxious about what might plague this child.  we've had 4 or 5 appointments so far, and of those, the most important one was the nuchal translucency screening which showed us that this baby has no signs of excess fluid, hydrops or anything related.  that was our main concern, and now that has been eliminated, we can actually get on with enjoying this pregnancy and being excited.  and i'm actually getting a chance to.  by 13 weeks in with yalaina, i was already getting sick around the clock, having migraines, nosebleeds, backaches and every other pregnancy symptom that you'll ever read about.  in fact, as many of you know, my whole pregnancy was that way.  my doctor said that she hadn't, in her experience, seen a pregnancy as bad as mine.  my theory is that my symptoms were reflecting the pain that the baby was having.  yes, that is completely medically unfounded, but in my mind, we make sacrifices for our children and often times we feel their pain.  well, with this pregnancy, i'm sleepy and hungry and that's about it. i'll take that.

so there's our update.  we're due october 22, 2008 (which is dangerously close to emmi's birthday of october 18) and eric is convinced that this one's a boy.  last time he was convinced that it was a girl and he was right, so we'll see.  my dreams matched his prediction last time, but they don't match this time.  i dreamt emmi was a boy, calvin was a girl, yalaina was a boy and a stuffed lion (don't ask) and now i'm dreaming of boys.  i'll totally take a boy, though.  i'm a strong believer that every household only needs one girl.  girls are fun until they turn about 4, then they turn into hormonal little beasts.  but anyway, again, we shall see.  so please keep us in prayer and i'll keep you all posted.

HUGE update!

ok.  so we've had a LOT going on and i've been told that i needed to get on here and update everyone.  where to begin...i guess the first thing is that i quit my job.  january 11 was my last day of working for IPS.  as some of you know, i was the parent liaison and i loved my job, but had issues with the people that i had to work with and i didn't like the negativity i received when i wanted to do more, help more.  so i quit.  my friend laura garcia was an ESL (english as a second language) teacher at the school where i worked, and she also started going to the dwelling place after we started working together.  she asked which church i went to, i told her, and she's been going ever since.  long story short, she quit, too; for similar reasons. 

the opportunity presented itself for us to start a new series of ministries at the dwelling place, so we listened to God, stepped out on faith, and feel very confident that He will take care of us.  and since we've made that leap, i've felt so much happier and freer.  what we've started at the dwelling place is called the growing place.  it is a place to receive spanish classes, english (ESL) classes, scrapbook lunches, tutoring and parents' nights out.  we have it set up in semesters, so next semester will be a different set of classes, addressing a different set of needs.  this way, we have the flexibility to help a broader range of people, and we won't have the chance to get bored .  i'm very excited, and have nothing but good feelings about this venture.

also, i started homeschooling the kids.  this is something that i had been tossing around for a few years, now, but just never had the opportunity to do it.  so their last day was also on january 11.  so far they're LOVING it. 

we had a field trip on the first day of school to the new downtown library, and they were able to learn how to use different programs on a laptop, as well as learn how to program robots.

we are further along than their peers in public school, and they are able to learn in many different ways, now.  that was my main motivation in wanting to homeschool.  i didn't like having to stifle their love for learning so that they wouldn't be too far ahead of the class and be bored.  every year i've been told by teachers about how bright my children are, but then they don't have the means or time to tailor lessons specifically for the gifted kids in their classes.  so in result, we've had issues with boredom and discipline.  even over Christmas break they wanted to learn two-place multiplication and start division.  well, calvin's class hadn't even started multiplication tables and emmi's class had just started and both of them were already ready for the next level and i had to tell them 'no' so that they wouldn't be ahead of the class, finished with their work first and then get in trouble for talking and entertaining themselves.  i've been making up our curriculum myself, because it's a little overwhelming trying to sift through curriculum packages in search of the one package that's perfect for my kids.  but it's been a great experience so far, and we're all very excited for what's to come.

lastly, eric is up for a promotion at work, which really is a blessing.  he started working at the indiana juvenile detention center in september and he absolutely loves it.  that was the career move that he had been wanting to make.  in fact, he had applied and interviewed there before, but they weren't actively hiring.  he's always wanted to help to mold troubled youth, so now he is in the position to.  and better yet, after only 5 months, he's up for a promotion.  it's a great relief when you're able to work somewhere that really makes you happy.  it's also a lot of pressure off of our relationship because now we're not both coming home, miserable and complaining about our days at work, so now we're able to just enjoy each other's company.

all of these things falling into place has also encouraged eric and me to start talking about the growth of our family.  that is a HUGE deal.  right now we really feel God's hands in our lives and we're finally over ourselves enough to start listening and being obedient, so we feel that this is the direction that God is leading us towards.  i can actually say that for the first time, in maybe, ever, i'm actually happy with every aspect of my life.

my friends

this is a bit random, but my friends are the best.  sometimes i feel as if i'm not a good enough friend, myself, to deserve them.

i need to work on that.

recap of yalaina's short life

ok.  i figured it might help me with everything if i see her story all in one place, so i'm just gonna copy and paste blog entries, message board posts and emails from various people, right here.  this is VERY long and VERY emotional:

April 10, 2007 - My Post on WhattoExpect.com:

April 14, 2007 - Written by my What to Expect Labor Buddy, Julie:

Ok, so I just got off the phone with her (we're labor buddies), and here's the lo-down....

They admitted her Wed, which, we both believe she'd already said they would do. Because her water levels were lower than they wanted. Well, after some tests (which she's had tons) they discovered that her water level was WAY down to 1 (VERY not good.) Well, as of today, she's back up to 3.2, which is better, but still not as good as they'd like.

So, as of now, she is on complete and total bedrest, hooked up to the usual fetal monitors and such, but also a heart monitor for her. They've got two sets of stockings on her (for blood cots, or rather, the prevention of) and she says, that due to those, and all the tubes, wires and everything else, she's quite literally, strapped to the bed (Poor thing!!). She's allowed to get up to use the bathroom. Not even allowed to walk the halls, or sit in the waiting room, for a change of scenery!! So, until further notice, she'll be in the hospital.

Now, the neonatologist came in yesterday (Or the day before, her days are starting to run together..hehheh) and told her, ever so bluntly (how nice of him), that with what's going on with lil Yalaina (I think I spelled it right), there's a 100% mortality rate. That it's VERY difficult to revive. Her reaction though, sent this guy into a sort of stunned stupor though. She simply told him, "Good thing I have prayer support then, isn't it?" She said all he could do was blink at her. LOL.

Ok...So as far as that little fighter she's got, VERY active, and growing VERY well. In fact, she's bigger than her gestational age!! And the doctors a bit baffled by the fact that with the lack of amniotic fluid, the baby shouldn't have been kicking or rolling or tossing, since there's no fluid to help support her movements, but she's been doing ALL of that, and more! As if she's floating in normal levels!! Yaay!!! God DEFINATELY has His hands on this little miracle! They've given Ro two steriod shots, just in case, but are hoping to keep her in place for as long as possible. Funny thing is... the better the baby's doing, the more Mom has to remain bedridden and in the hospital. Sooo...

Keep them all in your prayers, they're definately working!! Oh.. and she's bored silly. Aside from the nurses and doctors checking in every two hours, which is taking away from her ability to sleep and rest ( "Wake up and take this sleeping pill" ) and the poking and prodding, which after several days, is now becoming painful, boredom is her largest complaint. I told her I'd email a small carepackage full of games and goodies ( I have some puzzle games and even virtual bubblewrap to pop! lol) If any of you have anything she might like, that's a good boredom fighter, send them to me, and I'll make sure she gets them!!

She promises to call AS SOON as she hears anything new (the doctors haven't been able to give her any answers as of yet.) Just keep her, and her family lifted up, and know that she's thinking about ALL of you, as much as we're thinking of her!

May 16, 2007 - My Post on WhattoExpect.com:

now for the mini-story.  this, unfortunately, is gonna be short and sweet because i'm at the hospital with baby, just taking a break for lunch and then i'm heading back to sit with miss yalaina.

on friday, may 11th, after exactly a month in the hospital, we had another routine ultrasound where they noticed a bit of fluid around her heart, so they got the ambulance to take me to the children's hospital to get another echo on the baby's heart around noon.  that dr. decided that we shouldn't take any chances, so he was gonna talk to my regular doctors to see what they thought.  by 1:00 everyone talked and decided to do my c-section at 4:00.  so i went into panic mode.  i called eric and my brother and sent everyone else text messages.  by 3:00, a cousin, aunt, brother and a few friends actually showed up to the hospital.  by 4:00, there were about 15 people there -- everyone but eric whose job woldn't let him leave early (pick your choice of explitives to insert here).  so the dr.'s said that they wouldn't start without him. 

in the meantime, i had one brother do a shakespearean-type monologue of nothing but the 'f' word, and an aunt do a song and dance number about diarrhea.  it was a good time.  i wasn't panicked at all anymore.  my people are awesome.  then eric finally got here around 5:00.  then the dr's came back into the room with all 18 or so of us and started offering different, more risky options and reminding us AGAIN that she'd still probably die.  i started crying, again, most of my friends were crying, too and my aunt even had to leave when she had intended to stay through the whole procedure.  anyway, eric told them to just keep going with these plans (he didn't even want to begin to think about a chance of losing both of us) then he hopped up enthusiastically with a big grin on his face and said with a clap, "let's go!" and that's what we did, and i was smiling again.

the procedure itself went very fast.  the spinal hurt like the dickens, but i think the local anesthetic for the spinal was what really hurt.  then it was all very surreal after that.  next thing i know i hear a little cough-like sound and it was the baby -- the baby that supposedly wouldn't be able to transfer air at all and that supposedly wouldn't have any use of the muscles in her face or throat.  then i hear the dr. say, "there's a little one biting my finger right now!"  after that, she was intubated in less than a minute and was trying to take breaths on her own -- PRAISE GOD!!!!

born at 6:18pm on may 11th, she was 7lbs 4oz at birth, but they had to tap off 12oz of fluid from her abdomen making her birth weight 6lbs 8oz.  had we actually gone to her due date, we would've had a 10 or 11lb baby!

since then, she was attached to an oscillator which was less work for her body, and they sent the fluid off for testing and they drew blood and have done numerous x-rays and ultrasounds on her trying to figure out where the fluid is coming from and how to get a handle on it.  she got a blood transfusion today and off of the oscillator and is now on a regular ventilator because her lungs are strong enough to handle it.  she has a few issues with blood pressure, her blood vessels, and one aorta.  but the issues are present only because her body is working so hard to function because of all of that fluid.  so once they figure out the fluid, all of that stuff will work itself out then i'll be able to hold her then she'll be able to go home!  so we gotta keep on praying that she doesn't get worse again and that she'll make some progress.

i just want to also say thank you to all of you girls for all of your prayers, thoughts, well wishes and compassion.  with your help, a baby that has basically been deemed dead since march is now 5 days old and still fighting.  so thank you again, and i'll try to keep in touch a little more

*Side Note: People present at the hospital for the birth: Eric, Maurice, Chenault, Lauren, Jenn, Angie, Nicole, Chris, Stephanie, her mom, Shawna, NiNi, Kirstin - the nurse who had the day off but came in for the delivery

May 17, 2007 - My Post on WhattoExpect.com:

i've been way too upset today to actually talk much, but i knew that i had to update you girls and get you guys praying for us.  i'm not gonna go into much detail because i'm just a little too upset.

yalaina had a rough night, so upon my arrival to the hospital this morning, i got "the talk."  that would be the talk where they tell me that her organs are shutting down and they want us to make a decision on whether to keep up the treatment or...well...not.  they said they'd just make her comfortable and we could hold her until...geez -- i'm sick of crying -- you know

of course eric and i decided to keep up with the treatments and since then her stats have leveled out a lot more, but it's still very touch and go.  the kids came to see her and all they did was cry and fight tears.  all i've done was cry.  i'm not leaving the hospital anymore.  i will be here indefinitely 'cause i can't bear to leave her side.

please, PLEASE pray.  now that i've met my angel i want her to stay my angel here with us.  maybe when i'm a little less emotional, i'll let you all know what all is going on with her.  in the meantime, please just keep praying

May 22, 2007 - My Post on WhattoExpect.com:

after our horrible day on thursday, we have had a miraculous turn around and we owe it to you and your thoughts and prayers.  God has been answering them in a wonderful way.

her kidneys started working and she has been peeing like a champ, her blood pressure has been staying up exactly where it should be, that very next day after the doctor's read me her demise, she became stable enough for me to hold her, four nights ago she had her first poop, two nights ago she opened her eyes for the first time, last night she got a pacifier for the first time, and today they started her on breastmilk through her feeding tube to see if she could tolerate it and she's had three feedings so far!

so thank you all again and PLEASE keep praying for us.  it's still one day at a time, but as we have seen, the power of prayer is a wondrous thing.  also, my emotions have been on a bit of a roller coaster, and i need a little prayer for my stability, too.  i had post partum depression with my son, and i really don't need to head down that road again.  it's just been hard trying to balance everything.

thank you all again for your support.  you are absolutely amazing

May 12 - June 11, 2007 - From Maurice's Blog

Update on My Sister (Ro) - Updated 6/11/07

[I know, some of you have been wondering and I thought this was easier than having to keep telling the same story over and over again.]

My sister, who has already had a pretty rough year or so, has been on hospital bedrest for the last month or so. Unfortunately, her daughter was diagnosed with hydrops, so the pregnancy has been a series of complications and emotional ups and downs. Yesterday, I got a frantic phone call from her telling me the doctors said they were going to do the C-section then rather than try to wait another week. Six weeks premature.

I got to the hospital a little after four o’clock, having just missed my brother. Most of my sister’s bridal party was there (look, she had 10 ladies in her bridal party, so the room was crowded, plus some family). Ro had called in her people to support her no matter what happened. Just so you know, Broadduses only know one way to grieve or deal with tense situations: joke. Our role is to keep the mood light and I have been especially “gifted” with the ability to laugh in inappropriate situations.

As we waited on Eric, her husband, to arrive (his work wouldn’t let him out early), we prayed. Upon his arrival, the doctors then filed in to deliver the news. They presented a series of options, all of which ended with prepare yourself for the worst, mortality in this situation is expected, usually within a few minutes to hours. The lungs would be underdeveloped. There were a series of procedures they were going to attempt, including traeching her while she was still attached to her placenta. And, as a premature delivery, her small size would be an issue. Once the doctors left, Ro in tears, we did another round of prayers.

A few minutes later, the nurses and doctors came back into the room to wheel Ro out, but then they suggested that we pray. I was all prayed out, so a nurse/chaplain led the prayer this time. After that came the interminable waiting – every time the doors open or footsteps came from down the hallway, we looked up expectantly, waiting for any sign of hope. If you have seen the movie Rize, you may have a bit of an image of what came next. We heard the footfalls first, interrupted only by the occasional clap, then we saw Eric steppin’ down the hallway.

Yalaina Symone was born at 6:18 pm May 11th, 2007, at 6’ 8 oz. They were able to not only get some of the fluid off from her stomach, but there was no swelling in her head, so they were able to do all of their procedures they didn’t think they could get done. In under a minute. Her lungs are doing okay and she is on an oscillator (a type of ventilator) right now. For now, she is doing as well as she can. The word “miracle” has been tossed about, including one doctor remarking that “you’d think with all the stuff we see, we’d get used to the idea that there might be a higher power.” So we remain cautiously optimistic.

Please join in our prayers: That as we come to the end of our ability to control things, we know God loves us. So help us to trust in that, no matter what happens. We thank Him for that love and for His love reflected in our friends and family. We continue to pray for the doctors and nurses as they attend to Ro and Yalaina. And we pray for Ro, Eric, and Yalaina, for their health and for their faith during this time.

***
5/29/07

This time has been quite instructive on the discipline of prayer. I have realized how much we've come to depend on the "prayer warriors" around us. It's been an emotional roller-coaster, good days followed by really bad days. So continue to keep everyone in your prayers.


***
6/11/07

My wife sent out the following e-mail that I thought I would share:

Earlier tonight (6:50 pm) I got a text message from Ro

"The baby is doing worse right now than she has since she's been alive. It's really bad and she's in a lot of pain. Please Pray."

Then two hours or so later (9:35 pm) I get this message from Ro:

"In a few minutes she is gonna undergo an incredibly risky procedure on her lungs. If it doesn't work. they're pretty much out of ideas. Please pray hard."

then right as I sat down to write this e-mail (10:25 pm) I get this message from Ro

"the procedure didn't work so now they're gonna make her comfortable and hope for the best"

I don't know what God has in store for little Yalaina, but I hope for the best and she becomes a beautiful healthy big girl. (I started to say baby girl, but I want more than that) It's frustrating for me to think that Ro went thru all that stuff while she was pregnant and then be in the hospital on bed rest for a month just to give birth to an extremely sick kid and then have so many up and downs and now this... this can't be what's planned for Yalaina.

OK it's late, I'm tired and I am in a mood and very frustrated and that just leads me saying the wrong things... I will end by saying I place Yalaina in God's hand and will try to deal with the outcome of that if it ends up being not what "I want".

Please pray for Yalaina along with the Griffin Family (Ro, Eric, Emmy, and Calvin "Bubby")

June 20, 2007 - Sally's email:

Some people are complaining that I don’t update enough (Marcia!!!) and that they never get updates from Ro….. Ok so Ro most the time doesn’t want to / doesn’t have the energy to / is hormonal and it’s not the right time for her to talk. I don’t mind talking about Yalaina so much but it is hard emotionally sometimes, it’s been a roller coaster of a ride with the health of Yalaina and I too am emotionally on that roller coaster…. so I usually update only when I get new info, I also don’t always have contact with Yalaina or Ro but once a week. So be patient I will try to keep you as informed as I can.

I also know that last week I sent out a longer and more intense e-mail mostly that was to answer a lot of questions I was getting from a lot of people and to help you as you pray for her. To know what’s really going on. To know that Yalaina could pull out of this and she’s not just being prolonged on life support. To make it more personal so you can pray more specifically. And finally because I tend to be more blunt than I have to be sometimes.

With that being said …….so I talked with Ro tonight….. Yalaina is not really doing better but she’s not really doing worse either. She has been peeing all last week and currently except she has slowed down slightly (meaning she’s not peeing as much as they would like) The fluid on the lungs is still there and causing trouble, she is still retaining fluid all over (Her nickname that I have given her is Stay Puff girl – since she looks similar to the stay puff marshmallow man) Plus they want her to be a little healthier so they can do a liver biopsy to see what’s going on there. (or as Ro said they are waiting for her to die so they can do a autopsy to she what’s been wrong with her)

The doctors are all very negative to Ro, always stating Yalaina is not going to make it, one telling her she knows of a good cemetery, some acting like they are saying their final fair wells to Yalaina…. But as we know Yalaina has beat the odds and keeps beating the odds…. She wasn’t supposed to live past birth (they said 100 % chance she’ll die at birth) then they said she wasn’t going to live past the previous Sunday (06-10-07) she just keeps out living all the doctors dates.

Ro still has hope for Yalaina and that is encouraging, Ro and Eric still say do what ever you can to help her and just keep treating her. Just because the doctors seem to have lost all hope and given up doesn’t mean God doesn’t have a plan and is more Powerful than the doctors. Ro said it is very hard when everyone around is very negative about Yalaina, she also said that she’s not gone yet so don’t act like she is.

Well that’s about all I know, for now

Sally Jo

June 23, 2007 - Sally's email:

I just went up to the hospital to see Yalaina on Friday night , (06-22-07) Ro was in a meeting at the hospital so I didn’t see her there but later she gave me an update

The doctors like I said before, can’t figure out what’s going on with Yalaina and the fluid she is retaining, which her retaining the fluid is called Hydrops ( http://www.lpch.org/DiseaseHealthInfo/HealthLibrary/hrnewborn/hydrops.html ) I said before, that babies with Hydrops usually don’t make it this far, actually the hospital said in all their other cases of patients with Hydrops they either diagnose what is causing the trouble or the baby dies within a week, that is if they didn’t die at birth. None of their patients with hydrops have lived more than a week unless they have been diagnosed and the problem fixed. So with Yalaina living with it for 6 weeks and no diagnosis, it is unheard of and the doctors don’t know what to do. (remember, she has a team of 50 doctors from Methodist, Riley, and IU hospital working on her) their solution is to just make her comfortable as possible, keep her sedated and wait for her to die. Which Ro hates to hear them say that.

So now the hospital ethics board has now gotten involved with Yalaina’s case. The Ethics board has pulled the staff that works on Yalaina and said: They are to quit the just make her comfortable, sedating her until she dies, all the random blood tests, and the basic poking and prodding her. Also no more doctors pulling Ro aside to say she’s going to die, or being negative to Ro about Yalaina. They are going to try to start some more unconventional ways of treating Yalaina…. Which will even stretch the nurses in their way of doing things, Yalaina is not a normal case and so they are going to have to stop treating her as a normal case. They are going to try massages, baths, putting clothes on her everyday, moving her more, putting her in different positions (maybe even trying sitting her upright a bit more). Treating her more like a real baby and see if any of this helps, or she stays the same, or makes her worse…… they haven’t tried any of it and it’s all worth a shot.

Other than that, she’s still way swollen all over,(you can definitely tell that in the picture I attached) she’s not peeing all the time but still some of the time, and she is still having issues with fluid on the stomach and the gel–like fluid on the lungs, so her lack of getting deep breaths in her lungs is still limiting the amount of oxygen that the organs (Kidneys, liver and spleen) are getting with makes them not work properly.

Well, that’s all I know for now, I hope you all are doing well!

Sally Jo Broaddus

June 26, 2007 - This part wasn't written anywhere but here & now:

the morning of june 26th was like a long dream.  the day before, i had gotten to hold miss yalaina.  sometimes she did well with movement, other times she didn't like to be touched.  that day, she liked being held, but she didn't tolerate being put back.  her heart rate and blood oxygenation lurked in low numbers.  throughout the night, the doctor's kept calling me telling me that the baby's heartrate just wouldn't come up and neither was her blood oxygenation.  Prior to this, at&t was scheduled to come fix a phone jack for us.  they gave us a window of 8-5.  God set everything up perfectly.  for probably the first time in history, at&t came out at the exact time that they said they would.  so they were at my house fixing the phone jack while all of the events unfolded.  had they not come, i would have been at the hospital when yalaina left us, but God knew that i wouldn't have been able to witness what they had to do to her.  when her heart rate dropped dramatically, they started chest compressions.  her heart then stopped.  so they gave her a shot of epinephrine to start her heart again, but she was already gone.  at&t was done at the very moment i got word that she didn't make it.  God was at work.  i told the kids without actually saying any words and they weeped.  their friends' mom was coming up the sidewalk at the very same time that we were walking down the sidewalk to go to the hospital, so the kids went with her.  i had to pick up eric's mom, and she drove us there.  when we got to the hospital, i saw my sweet girl, laying there, completely unattached, wrapped in the blanket that i had crocheted for her while i was in hospital.  i grabbed her, held her, cried, and whispered to her how proud of her i was.  we then went down the hall to a more cozy, quiet room to spend time with our baby girl for the very last time.  eric's mom, jenn, maurice and later, eric all took turns holding her.  i didn't want to leave her.  i still don't.

July 2, 2007 - What I Wrote for her Funeral Program: i didn't want to call it an obituary, and i didn't want it to be sad:

Yalaina Symone Griffin*

May 11, 2007 – June 26, 2007

Hi!

My name is Yalaina Symone Griffin and I lived to be 46 whole days old! My birthday is May 11, 2007 and I went home to be with God on June 26, 2007.

Way before my first birthday, the doctors told my mommy and daddy that I had a bunch of icky fluid in my tummy. They called it hydrops. That mean old hydrops gave me a really hard time. It made my kidneys, liver, spleen, and lungs all broken and stuff. On my good days when my kidneys were working a little bit, my family & friends did the "Pee-Pee Dance" They were all really pulling for me. I was and still am very loved.

And when that stinky-face hydrops tried to get the best of me, I put up my dukes and fought it right back with all of my might. In the end, the yucky hydrops won. But since I put up such a good fight for so long, maybe the doctors were able to learn something from me so that next time the hydrops won't win.

I almost forgot to tell you about my family! They've been so great! My mommy's name is Ro and my daddy's name is Eric (I was his first munchkin). I have a big sister named Emminence and a big brother named Calvin. They were really excited to have a little sister. I also have two grandmas, two grandpas, five uncles, three aunts and about 10 cousins. On top of all of those family members, I have my OTHER family who all love me just as much; everyone at The Dwelling Place Faith Community, Traveler's Rest Missionary Baptist Church, & all the people at Methodist Hospital, who took good care of me & tried so hard to fix me.

Thank all of you who prayed for me, thought about me, and hoped for the best for me. I felt the love – in fact, that's what pulled me through. Now that I'm here in Heaven, I'll put in a good word for you, keep my eye on you in the meantime, and I'll see you when you get here!

Hey guys, please remember this!

Romans 5:3-5

"….We also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us."

A Blessing from Heaven

Today:

i miss her so much.  i constantly think of her and i sometimes still want to go sit with her in the hospital, but she's not there.  the image of her being in a 4 or 5 year old's body running around in heaven playing with the other children is what keeps me going and knowing that when i pray to God to give her kisses and hugs from us, He does. 

 

today was my appointment with my regular ob and everything seemed ok.  her heartbeat was great, my blood pressure was good and she's still measuring ok.  i was also told that we'll definitely be having an april baby.

i have to start physical therapy next week, and they're still monitoring my emotions because dr. thinks it may be better to start me on an antidepressant.  she's about as hesitant to prescribe them as i am to take them, so we will see. 

she's also a bit worried about my swelling and headaches, and i'm to watch that closely because preeclamsia is the LAST thing that me or baby need right now.  that would pretty much throw everything outta whack as far as timing for delivery goes.  my blood pressure is still good, but just about all of the other symptoms are present, so i will be trying to relax with my feet up.

so tuesday is the day when we meet the neonatologist and discuss possibly scheduling the c-section, hearing all of the bad news, and hear about what we'll be in for.  i'm soooooooo nervous.  eric didn't get to go to this appt. with me, and after i told him what was going on he was like, "pfft -- i don't know about listening to the doctors.  didn't they say if we could go to term, then that's what we're gonna do?  now they're just gonna take her?"  so he's frustrated now, too, and it's starting to show.  i told him that we're either gonna listen to the doctors or not.  we can't pick and choose what we want to hear.  in our case, they know best.  but i TOTALLY understand his frustration -- we have the same frustrations.

so please keep praying for us.