I notice that a couple of my girlfriends earn more money than their boyfriends, and I can not help but wonder whether the income discrepancy bothers them. By “them” I refer not to my girlfriends, but to their boyfriends.
No matter how equal men and women are legally, tradition still bounds both sexes. Society still expects the woman to be the housewife (in addition to what she wants to be professionally) and the man to be the primary breadwinner. When the latter is not the case, does it hurt his pride? There are men who chose to be stay-at-home dads, but they are still the exceptions rather than the rule. I refer to the men who want to excel professionally but cannot match up to their female counterparts.
Studies have indicated that this income discrepancy between the sexes could contribute to a problematic marriage. When a woman earns more, she probably works more in the office, spends less time at home, and has a higher chance of meeting someone better at work. In summary, the amount of hours a woman works positively
correlates with (but not necessarily
causes) higher divorce rates; yet the amount of hours a man works has no significant impact on the marriage.
Some of you reading this will argue “I earn more than my husband, and I am happily married,” or “I did not marry for money,” or “Everyone helps out with the chores in my house,” etc. But we are not arguing about your individual situations or ideals. We are dealing with statistics, which show that
on average the above scenario is more likely to happen.
From my perspective I don’t think the problem lies in who earns more, but whether both parties earn enough collectively to sustain the relationship. Financial problems arise because someone isn’t fairly pulling his/her weight or there’s too much pressure placed on one party.
I was one of those women who made more than their significant others. It never bothered me. He always willingly paid on every date and humored me with occasional shopping sprees. Both of us earned enough to be financially independent - which I think is the key to it all. We are not reliant on each other for financial happiness, therefore money never got in our way of having fun.
I once asked a boyfriend who wore the pants in the relationship. He replied, “I do, of course. I always manage to take off yours.”
Comments (27)
it's simple - making more money equals more power in the relationship.
will you be my suga' momma? =)
hey I'm not a proponent nor would I feel good about it but women have married for money for years, why shouldn't men do it. I'm sure there are some good women left who wouldn't leave a husband for another man just cause he makes more money. More money doesn't always mean better, I think that is a huge misconception that the world has created.
it really does matter, as you say, if both can be financially independent. I mean, if the guy makes 125 but the girl makes 150, does it really matter? i know it doesn't for me.
personally, I would want to make more than the girl, I dunno, I think money is just a guy's responsibility
"When a woman earns more, she probably works more in the office, spends less time at home, and has a higher chance of meeting someone better at work."
lol. problem lies not in the work hours or income or whatever, but the woman and her views on marriage then.
BUT, anyhoo, you summarized that section incorrectly. the article actually says it's due to increased stress, which actually fits.
I think society is stupid. It says one thing, but does it really matter who makes money or whatever?
OH HO HO!
Karen got served...
don't think it caused much friction with my parents.
i'd probably feel it though
I think this problem only exists in a person's state of mind. If a man can't get past/accept the fact that the woman is making more money than he is, then that's just too bad. Personally, if I were ever in this situation, I would pay great respectable to the man who can set aside his pride for the sake of his relationship or marriage.
@soupforsoul, I couldn't agree with you more. If the male couldn't get past his own pride then this will probably resulted in stress as well as conflict in the relationship later on. Often time it's male ego, and how they like to dominate everything. I seen both scenarios of both male making more money than female and vice versa, their relationships seem to work out just fine. Some people (whether it's male or female) just have to "accept the fact" that their counter part is doing quite well to support their relationship.
In a relationship it's never "Who contribute more into the relationship." If people start thinking like that, then there will be more gays and lesbians couple around.
Anyways, thanks for shedding light on the important factors in "how to keep relationship consistent" Karen :)
Well if the girl is going to spend more money, it should only be fair that she earns it.
If it was a huge discrepancy and I felt I couldn't earn enough to keep up with her lifestyle, then it might be an issue.
just do it, screw statistics
I've ran into a problem like this before. It left the (now ex-)boyfriend a bit uncomfortable. At first, he didn't mind but afterwards, he somewhat wished he could get all the things that I just got myself. He knew it was that it was modern times and he didn't need to be the one to provide for everything but his culture and the people in his lives (mom, dad, his kungfu sifu & simo) expected him to always pay for me and get me stuff. Usually, he didn't have money and I did. In front of his seniors, I'd give him the money and we'd pretend that he was paying for my meal instead of vice versa.
=P
It didn't really leave a strain on the relationship but it was a minor issue that did pop up.
=]
I could be wrong, but I think it would depend on what you value in life. I suppose if we accept what the world tells us, then money and social status are really important. I think having sufficient money is important, but getting super rich shouldn't be the motivation for our lives, but our personal development as human beings.
You want real statistics? Global warming and pirates are correlated. It says so here.
yeah, It's good that women are starting to get a foot up on the ladder. I'm not against it. I think it is great. Anyways, in this partiarchical society, I wouldn't mind if a woman became president. I dream of a day where sexism is unheard of haha.
Every person men/women but mostly men believe that they should be the primary $$ maker. But this is the year 2008 and it doesn't matter who makes more than the other in a relationship...Yes $$ does make the relationship a bit stronger but it's not always about the $$..each person in the relationship should accept everything for what it is and the main concern is to make each other happy in the relationship..Hell if a woman makes more than me god bless her !!!!
I think it depends on the income bracket. As zontiago stated, if you're makeing six figures, its not going to matter too much. I think most relationships could not handle a difference of more than 50K, particularly if the female is making six figures and the male is making five unless they've agreed upon it in order to make the relationship work.
If the male does not have a large ego then I don't see why it wouldn't work.
At the end of the day, money is money. With the current economic situation in the U.S., I don't think people would complain too much about incomes...
I don't think it matters so much if bitterness and resentment don't stem from traditional societal norms. (ex: the female upset that the male doesn't buy her a LV purse on her birthday b/c he's not making enough)
Loved the last paragraph. =)
I agree. The breadwinning man has other qualities that are appealing besides his ability to bring the best quality bread and milk home, girls like what comes with it. Sure people can deny this, but they're probably lying in most cases.
As for the girl, there are no strict guidlines on how a girl should be, but she should be feminine. If for instance she acts like a boy, like so many women do, then it's hard to like that. It's repulsive.
you had a witty bf. xD