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Saturday, May 10, 2008

Currently Listening
Learning to Breathe
By Switchfoot
Love is the Movement
see related
Survey

Age: 14.
Height?: 5'2"
What weight do you want to weigh?: 105
What eating disorder do you have?: anorexia.
How many calories do you eat in a day, on average?: sometimes none, sometimes up to 400.
Do you throw up your food on occasion?: sometimes.
Do you want to look like a supermodel/actress?: somewhat.
Are you in some sort of extracurricular sport, ie soccer or track?: dance, soccer
Has anyone ever teased you about your weight?: yes.
Have you ever fasted? If so, for how long?: I've tried. Doesn't always work. Longest? 48 hours.
Do you take laxatives to get rid of food/calories?: nope.
Are you 'inspired' by models/actresses?: yes.
Have you ever been hospitalised for your ED?: no.
Have you ever ingested Ipecac to induce vomiting?: no.
Have you ever tried to recover from your eating disorder?: yes.
Body Image Q's
Do you constantly see yourself as fat, even though others say you are not?: all the time.
What part of your body would you change?: my stomach, my face, my theighs, my arms, everything.
On a scale of 1-10, how happy are you with your body?: 1.
Do you judge your value/merit solely on your weight/body?: no.
Because of your body apperance/weight, have you become severely depressed?: yes.
Do you constantly compare your bodies to supermodels/actresses?: yes.
Health/Food
Do you think you eat healthy enough?: no.
Are you morbidly afraid to eat carbs?: no.
Fat grams?: no.
calories?: no.
Are you often tired/fatigued?: yes.
Do you feel more energised after eating food?: i feel guilty, disgusted and gross.
Do you eat meat?: rarely.
Do you eat your food in a certain way? not really.
Do people tell you you look sick or famished?: no.
Have you ever thrown up blood?: yes.
Is your heart bpm above 49?: way above.
Do you have fainting spells from lack of eating?: yes.
Other Stuff
Do you think the media is at fault for the prevalence of eating disorders?: no.
What's your opinion of Pro-Ana?: all for it.
Do you have any other mental disorders? yes.
What's your favourite food to eat?: yogurt.
Favourite drink?: water.
Do you often wish you didn't have an ED?: no.

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Currently Listening
Crisis
By Alexisonfire
see related

Since it didn't work too well before,
I have decided to have a proper diet,
instead of just not eating every day,
and an excersize routine.
Now,
I will not consume more than 400 calories PER DAY.
I will do over 400 situps, I'm really good at them :)
I really need to do this,
I need to prove to myself that I
can be beautiful too!
But right now, I'm really sick.
I went to this meeting thing at Christopher Lake,
and there was a girl that was sick,
but I didn't pay attention and I used her lip chap
and drank out of her cup and stuff,
So here I am, I have mono and Strep throat,
hurts pretty bad!
But I'll be okay, as soon as I get better...
Thinspo:
stay strong girls<3

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

Currently Listening
Regeneration
By Superchick
Courage
see related

I fucking hate everything right now.
I could care less if I died.
I just cut myself, I'm so depressed.
I'm crying so much, and I don't want to be ugly and fat anymore.
I want to prove to myself that I can do something,
be somebody,
be beautiful.
but it's so hard, everyday is harder for me,
I just can't do anything right ever.
I fucking hate my life more than I ever have.
I really don't care what you all think of this blog,
I'm just trying to get this out of me.
I need something...
but I don't know what.
I'm going to lose weight and I don't give a fuck how hard i gotta work.
I hate my lifeeee..

Monday, March 10, 2008

picture.

Sunday, March 09, 2008

im fat

so looks like a gotta start over
I caved in,and I gained a bunch of weight back.
I regret it, I'm sorry, I screw everything up
Well this time I won't.
This time I will lose the weight
and fucking keep it off.

somebody please help me.
I want to lose this fast.