Take a stone, place it in your
hand... throw it as far away as you can... its inevitable that
you will see it land... invariably not as far as you wish you'd thrown
it. Still, it is far enough away that you eventually forget about it.
all metaphors aside. Life is quite like throwing a stone out in
front of you. You never quite know where it will land. What way
things will pan out. Being an optimist, I concern myself more
with the present.
There are moments when I figure things out about life, about people... a new understanding about the why's of life.
It is simple when you figure it out.
I wish there were easier ways though... I wish it was as easy as ordering 6 bottles of champagne for the honeymoon.
Such is life I guess, such is
the wonder. It seems sometimes hard to grasp that happiness arrives
when it wants to and frustration appears so dominant. I crave a simple
existence but know deep down that I can get nothing without first
working for it. And only by working for it can I find
satisfaction in having it. I fear that life and my joy will
somehow be snubbed out some day before I have time to grasp it. My
silent destiny.
There are time when I write
here and I feel the need to explain what I write, and other times
I take joy in letting others take what meaning they will from my
ramblings. Such is this evening.
Deep in my soul (if I have one)
I feel a longing for the peace and tranquilty of a French Villa... I
feel a resentment for every moment I must spend before I can be
there. I need space and no phone calls for at least 10
days... thats all I need right now... to recharge my core.
To fill myself without stress.. to gorge nothing to feel numb
from the waist down. My heart torn beween wanting to get away and
on the other hand wanting to linger inevery moment. It is these last
few days before you get married that you stand in a sort of
median... a mid way point... Where I should be busy but then
again should be chilling out. I'm on the verge of just giving
up... just work wise, I so need moments where I don't talk about
work... contracts... work... sh!t I'm doing it again.
It is almost 1am, I 've just
come back from a lovely dinner with friends... where my mind wanted two
more pints but my head knew I had things to do. I have this
feeling constantly, like I need to celebrate but I can't cause
its not quite time.
I surely will explode on the
9th or 10th of september... an explosion of love, kind
jesture and the full knowledge that I don't have to do anything
other than enjoy myself for the next three weeks.
I decided something this today,
that on the ten days running up to the wedding I should have delivered
in consecutive order, ten, then nine, then eight ,
flowers.. preferably roses... certainly white ones... to my
darling. That way she will have no doubt as to when we are
getting married. Not that it isn't front page news at the moment.
There is one thing I must do now... that is go to bed...
I bid you Adieu
There are 504 Hours left before
I get married ... 168 of those I will sleep... 60 I will work... like
real work... I'll spend about 2 hours showering... about 5
cycling, another 10 in the car, 4 hours finishing
invitations, 2 sorting rings, 10 eating. 21 tring to go asleep... 21
tring to get up in the morning, 15 visitng people.
That leaves 220 hours of other stuff I'm just to lazy and tired to mention.
I'll never come back to this.
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