Dear Everyone,

I'm sorry for letting this go down the pan.

I need a fresh start.

I'll be making a new xanga soon.
I hope i see you all there.

Good luck everyone.

111

I'm still here. I am still alive. And i am full of apologies for not blogging.

As you can see i have paid the price. I have gained so much.

I thought i could do this alone. I can't.

I'm back where i was. I'm back here, sick, annoyed, alone, guilty.

Help me get my feet back on the ground.
A fresh start.

Love and luck to you all.
I need you.
I need this.

109, still.

Bonjour!

I'm starting a fast, i was inspired by one of my fave bloggers who had managed four days.

I'm starting tomorrow morning and i dont want to eat until Friday.

Sorry for this teeny update, but i am ever so busy with last minute homework/coursework and i have to have five pieces done by 4pm. It's just three o'clock here in cold, autumnal England. Brrr.

Todays Thinspo : Lily Donaldson.
Tomorrows Thinspo : My top 10 thinspo Queen's!

[love her collarbones!]

[her legs are perfect]

[shoulders]

You can look like her. We can do it! Stay strong!!

love to all of you xo

109

 Today was really good. I'm so lucky. I was speaking to Cecily, Bella and Lottie, and told them i wanted to get to 95. At first they all seemed worried, especially Cecily (she's friends with Matti who spread rumours about me being anorexic) but after i made them realise i wanted to be thin, not emaciated, they all seemed to support me. Cecily even excused me from lunch in a really non-obvious way. I love them all. I think this will be much easier with their support, like how it is with all of yours. As for Matti, Bitch-Extraordinaire, i will never speak to her again. And neither will Bella, Cec or L. Things are looking up.

Mum seems to have also come to accept me eating more 'healthily'. She didn't ask what i ate today. She just left me some pasta she made in the fridge and told me to help myself. Most of it is sitting guiltily in the bin, but at least she isnt worrying anymore.

Also, i noticed my knees in the mirror today. Sounds odd - but i am finally beginning to see the effects of my weight loss,

I kept my intake below 350 today. I'm feeling more in control than ever.

Todays Thinspo : Agyness Deyn.
Tomorrow : Lily Donaldson.

love to everyone.
I want to know how you are doing. Tell!

109

109! Just 9 less pounds and i would be there - there were nearly everyone wants to be - 100.

Goals, goals, goals.

• 95 by December 1st 2007.
• No more than 450 calories a day.
• A* grades in my GCSE exams.
• Extend art portfolio.
• Cut out 'friends' that are bad for me.

I have to do this. I have to stick to my goals. If i eat, i will feel bloated, unhappy, ugly, ashamed, guilty and horrid. Why should i make myself feel like that?? When if i don't eat i will be beautiful, stunning, happy, confident, thin, skinny and in control.

I know you need this as much as me. Lets get there together.

Today's thinspo : Freja Beha Erichsen.
Tomorrow : Agyness Deyn.

Love to you all. How are you all doing? Let me know!