Shadows cover my entire view, shading all the light.

One more step, another breath... it seems to take all my might.

The silence is deafening. Helpless I feel.

God I need answers, I need to know your will.

Heart desires. Burning passions to die over and over again.

No matter how many times it seems... I will never understand.

You gave them to me. They are part of Your plan.

Then why can't I allow them to take full command?

Good! You said it was good. Part of Your design in me.

Where should I go, what should I do – oh, that I may just be!

Identity seems to fade like memories from long past.

Who am I? What shall I do... how long will this last?

Tears fall and soothe the ache that deepens with each sigh.

Lord, will I ever know the answers... the reasons behind "Why"?

Why do You seem so silent, Lord? Your voice I want to hear.

Full of tender mercies and grace to know that You are near.

How far away you seem, my God. The distance oh, so wide.

When did this space become so vast... did my passion die?

Where are You, Lord, when my heart feels naught but pain?

Empty, silence and lifeless heart wonders: Will it be for gain?

Only eternal, lasting gain will forever be,

molding and shaping my dramatic heart for Thee.

Let go! Let God! So easy to simply say.

When it really comes to life? By dying every day.

Daily dying to myself, my wants, desires and things.

Choosing to trust that He knows best, my Jesus and my King.

Broken hearts. Broken clay pots have one thing the same.

Healing comes from the Master Potter... the very reason He came.

Nothingness feels like lost identity, unless filled with something new.

Jesus come... mold me and fill me with nothing less that You.

-KM, July 23, 2008

Today is my dear-kindred-spirit-friend and confidant, Elli’s birthday.

There is so much I could say about Elli… her sweet spirit, her loveable laugh, how she will always listen to me, and how we could talk for hours about anything and everything, her submissive and trusting heart and of course the way she encourages me to better myself. But when it comes down to it:

“I like her because she smiles at me and means it.” - Anonymous

Throughout the last four years I have been blessed by Elli’s smile during so many memories… sleepovers, talking till 3-in-the-morning, BSF nights, meeting in random public places, car trips, listening to books on tape or fun musicals, seeing plays and going to the Theater, girl nights, dressing up, English Country Dances, weddings, planning ideas, the list could go on and on -- But I truly thank the Lord for a friend that has become like a sister to me. One who desires to serve the Lord with her whole heart and chooses to delight in the small tasks of life. Elli works and serves at two different jobs, is a bible study leader during the school year and still finds times to bless those around her. I love the way that Elli reaches out to people, even if she has only known them a short while, she finds ways to include them or make them feel welcome. Elli is also so gifted - a seamstress, is very organized, loves to cook and cook and bake and bake, crochets, sings and I don't-know-what-all. [She sounds like an accomplished lady in my book, Mr. Darcy!]

Thank you for your dear friendship, Elli, dear! May the Lord richly bless you for the many ways you bless my life continually.  Keep seeking Him with your whole heart and He will grant you your heart’s desires! I am glad we can walk together on the road of life toward our perfect home in heaven! May our friendship always glorify the Lord and draw us closer to Him.

Love,

Kristi

---------- The many faces of Elli ----------

 “A friend can tell you things you don’t want to tell yourself.” – Frances W. Weller

“Only your real friends will tell you when your face is dirty.” – Sicilian Proverb

“True friendship comes when silence between two people is comfortable.” – Dave Gentry

“Friendship isn’t a big thing, it’s a million little things.” – Unknown

“If you’re alone, I’ll be your shadow. If you want to cry, I’ll be your shoulder. If you want a hug, I’ll be your pillow. If you need to be happy, I’ll be your smile. But anytime you need a friend, I’ll just be me.” – Unknown

"Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart." - Psalm 37:4