DefianceMy response to Kween of the Queen's challenge Who Are You? Today, my retrospective perspective on who I am (and what I mean by that is that on any given day, my life story could be told differently) is, like my namesake Prometheus, defiant. I’ve always been a person of relatively low self-esteem, didn’t really like myself, quick to self-criticism, and quick to agree with people that criticized me. Over the years I’ve struggled to recognize my strengths, without thinking it conceited to do so, along with my faults, or another way to say it, "honest with myself" (both ways). And I am no longer as quick to agree with other people’s assessments. I believe in what I can do. I don’t always believe I will do it (that’s from past experience), but overall, I believe in myself and in who I am. And my goal is to grow. I believe I can become a better person, happier, more enlightened, more evolved, and that that’s what life is for. It doesn’t have to come quickly. In fact, one could argue that change is almost always inherently slow (depending on your definition of slow - is one lifetime slow?). So, I am quick to recognize that I am not perfect. I am quick to acknowledge, at least to myself, my part in some dysfunction. But I don’t judge myself for not being perfect. I accept it, and try to learn from it. And I don’t accept the "judgment" of others. I'll take responsibility but I won't be judged. I’m as right as often as most, and as wrong. I am human. I expect other people to recognize my strengths and weaknesses. I expect people to help me if they feel good hearted enough to do so, and to ask for my help in exchange. I expect people to treat me as if people can change. (I hear this all the time, that “people don’t change.” It is, in my estimation, an anti-spiritual view that has to affect a person’s policies, so to speak. I think it leads to judgment of others for what they “are” and actions that have the intent of affecting another's behavior without achieving their agreement). And I expect other people to recognize that I have more insight into who I am, than they can possibly have, that they can’t possibly know more about me than I know myself. I want to hear about you from you (who else can tell me?), but don’t tell me what I think or feel without listening to what I have to say about it. And so I am defiant, defiant against those who would judge me, and who would expect me to fit the mold of their expectations. We should all be so defiant. I admire it in others too, even in my children (mind you, – defiance best defends what one thinks is fair – in my thinking. So one has to keep an open mind to being wrong, and treat people with respect for what they believe. Bottom line, negotiation is always fair. But a sense of entitlement, from your children say, deserves an equally defiant response – for I will not be their slave. But I will not either condemn them merely for defiance). |