Tuesday, May 06, 2008

• sun breaks

  My life is about sun breaks.  Its about choosing to focus on the sunbreaks, and not the clouds.  It doesn't mean I don't complain about the clouds and the rain and the mud.  I recognize it causes growth.  But come on I'm human.  I prefer the sun breaks.

  

  Even if they are minute.  LOL  Today miss Donnis is back and we are having a full day of baton.  Its been a while.  We will also pick up Zeria who spent some time at my moms.  It was one of those things in hindsite I wish I hadn't done, as her sister Jdai decompensated when she got home from our sisters.  But we talked on the phone yesterday and she seemed to be dealing.  And mom said that Jdai had mellowed out, so hopefully it wasn't a mistake.

  Its so hard right now.  As the girls are so messed up.  I know their messed up.  I know why.  And I know they need normalacy, but I can't do it at the expense of my kids.  But they want to spend time with them.  So we ration it out, and pray.  And quite frankly at *this* point the girls at my moms house are a much worse influence then my dads visits.  I can supervise my dad's visits.  LOL

  Okies in regards to jail.  There is a review June 14th.  At which time the DOC has been requested by the court to have the paperwork in regards to my dads possibility to qualify for counselling done.  At that time the judge will decide if he thinks the counselling should happen or the jail time should happen.   He's facing up to three years.  This comes via my uncle, via my mom so its third party and could be garbelled.  Rob wanted to be there for the sentencing, but its a hour and a half drive one way.  And he's gone in THREE times and each time it was deferred.  We just assumed this one would be too.  But fortunately we found out my uncle went, so he was able to reveal what the judge said.

  In regards to visiting my dad in jail.  I looked up the info, he has to make the first move.  He can call, but he has to figure that out.  He has to make a visitors list, but I don't know if he knows.  Its really really really NOT something I want to do, but I would...if he called.  So far its not necessary as he hasn't apparently figured out how to do things.

  I can write him, but am still reeling, and am not entirely sure what I would write.  I will...I'm just dealing.  Yeah that's my excuse.

  I had it out with my 21 year old sister via email.  This is the second time.  Rob and I were laughing a bit at ourselves.  We were madder at her *almost* then my dad.   But its a different kind of mad.  There are different kinds of angry ya know.  There's the she's being sooooo stupid, and the anger at my dad.   I think the "big" angers are sometimes easier to get over. 

  Any how she is one of those gushy, gushy, huggy, oh so affectionate people.  When she's visibily present.  When she's gone she forgets you exist.  This is becoming increasingly hard on my kids.   It brings up all of their feelings of abandonment each time they see her.  This visit she offered to let one, two or three of her siblings (my kids) to stay in Portland.  Rob's observation after she was gone was NOT in this lifetime.

  See she has gotten in contact with her birth mom (who has stolen from her multiple times)  her birth grandpa, and a myriad of cousins and a uncle.  The uncle stole $100,000 from the kids.  The will his mom left said that her house was to be divided between the grandkids.  He *cough* chose to keep it.  And she has him back in her life all hunky dory.  He has boxes of beautifully done professional pictures of all of the kids except my boys that were supposed to go to the varying children.  He kept them.  Etc, etc, etc. 

  So my 13 year old sister came home with her baby blanket.  "Uncle J was keeping it safe for me."  "No, he stole it, and now he's grooming you with it."  Rob and I were just absolutely creeped out.  My kids will NOT be exposed to that.  Ever.

  So the first invitation I squirmed around, over and under.  But decided we just needed to say.  Umm not in this lifetime as tactfully as possible.  Rob said I was much more tactful then he would have been.    I read it to him after I wrote it to make sure it was kind, and loving, but also explained why I didn't believe my children needed to be exposed to any of that.

  Not to mention that the birthmom threatened to take Jamari on several occasions.  

  So the vacation stirred up several other emotions as well.  But thats life, and I'll focus on the sunny spots. 

  • 8:12 AM
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