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| Being single is grrrreat.
You can do whatever (or whoever, hah) the hell you want. What a concept, right? The world has become so much more vast and exciting ever since I stopped worrying about my love life. Pshaw, I don't need to have a boyfriend to know that I'm worthy of being loved. All I need are my friends, family, and my pianos. At least the pianos moans and scream when I touch them... boosts my self-confidence from time to time 
Anyhow, funny
how we all have our "roles" depending on where we are. I have an
identity here in Los Angeles and I have a different identity back home. I am a
completely different person here and it's interesting to realize how we all
play into our "roles" wherever we are. It only takes me a minute or
two to adjust back into my "old self". I guess it's because of the
way people view us in different situations and surroundings... and everytime
you try to get away from "role playing", you find yourself in a brand
new one... ha, perhaps everything we do in a way is indeed "role
playing". Funny how that works.
Did you guys know fish and chips aren't really fish and
chips at ALL?! Here I was in Dennys asking the waitress where my potato chips
were, only to find out that the chips aren't chips at all, they're FRIES.
FRIES!!!
Why was I the last to know? lol
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| Sir, do take yourself out of that pedestal. You're not freaking mother Theresa either.People get so annoyed with people. I especially love the
whole "Omg I’m in college but this is high school all over again...
everyone's so immature" tirades.
Why do people get so caught up with the immature, naive, and prude people to
begin with? What is there to complain about? The way I see it, you just got to
let them be. It’s not like you're going to make an effort to change them -
sooner or later they'll change on their own, or better yet you can just stay
the hell out of their way. And my
favorite part out of this whole thing is when people say something along the
lines of "Omg everyone I meet are the same, why are they all so childish?"
It’s not that hard to stay clear out of
these groups of people (they exist everywhere, including people MUCH older than
you all). If you're continuing to run into the same situations from high
school, or better yet middle school, then perhaps you should think about what You're doing. If you yourself had the capacity to attract the
"mature" people to begin with, you wouldn't have to sit there and
complain about it in the first place. I don't think that most people think
inwardly enough. It's always about others. And if you're going to think about
others, the way to do it is to think from their point of view. Many answers can
be found through this process, maybe questions about yourself that you have
never asked.
People are people - you have to let them just be. World is a big enough place
that one can find his or her spot in the right situation over time. There will
always be people of different thoughts and spiritual qualities. We can't get
caught up in that. Anyhow, I'm not directing this to anyone specific. I'm just kinda tired of hearing people complaining and thinking that they're so superior to others.
I've been attending Outfest in hopes of making new friends in LA. It's been an awesome experience, and I've already made many new acquaintances. I also managed to score three numbers (YAY). Haha I've actually never been asked out in a non club or bar environment until now. Being completely out in public still feels foreign to me. It's refreshing though to be in an environment where I don't have to feel like I'm being judged for being gay.
I finally performed my hour long piano recital the other day, and had this sweet recording set-up by my engineering friend. If any of you guys want to hear my recordings of Liszt, Ravel, Beethoven, Prokofiev and Chopin, feel free to ask! Hehe shameless self promotion =)
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| Ex-factorI hate how ex boyfriends start changing themselves for the better after you break up with them. It's like, "why couldn't you have been like this when we were together!" Anyhow, I've been keeping contact with my ex from last year, ever since February, and it's apparent that he's overcome much of his insecurities and has gained more confidence. I'm really happy for him, but what the fuck. Shouldn't I have been the one benefiting from all of this since I helped him through all of his inner issues?! Argh. I guess I'm just a little bitter from the fact that he'll be a better boyfriend with his next boyfriend(s). I'm sure that's how relationships work out. All trial and error. But damn it, it sucks being shafted with the short end of the stick.
It also doesn't help that my ex is one of my best friends. I didn't realize how difficult it would be for lovers to be friends again. It doesn't feel good to be demoted.
PS. I know you're reading this Julian!
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| I heard a bit of poetry today that sort of struck me, here you go...
"There is something about how I met you, and you ignored me from the start. Making me want to work harder, trying to win your heart."
Isn't this just some sappy poetic description of the mind games we play? It's a classic, and sadly all too effective game we play. We play on that human tendency to value that which we don't have over that which we have easy access to. If you like someone and really want to hook them..is the most effective tactic to show your interest in an honest and straightforward way.. or do you play hard to get? The former tactic is only effective against those who have learned to value someone who is honest and sincere, the latter is effective against the other 90% of the population who would rather you play mind games with them to vie for their attention.
Anywho, moving to LA has been anti-climactic. Sure the beaches and the gay hotspots are only minutes away, but all of that doesn't matter when my friends aren't around anymore. Ever since I graduated, all my friends have dispersed far away, leaving me with only a handful of good friends here in LA, who barely even have any time to hang out. I know I should go and meet more new people. But how would you go and do that alone, in a non-academic environment? lol. All of this is foreign to me since I've been meeting people mainly through school (parties, organizations, etc.). I want to make more gay friends, but how would I go on doing that alone, since I don't want to rely on someone else to make friends. I don't necessarily want to go to bars and clubs by myself to meet people. Any suggestions?
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| Okay, here's something that's been bothering me
lately. Serious question: If you are currently pursuing something that
gives you a lot of frustration sometimes just because of the nature of the
field, is it considered wimpy per se to perhaps quit pursuing it and do
something else that might not be so frustrating? I mean, would that
mean that you don't want to work harder, and that you're just quitting because
you suck or because you're wimpy and don't want to deal with the frequent
frustration?? And how do you know whether you're just not cut out for it,
or that you're not working hard enough?? And how do you know if this
questioning is really just because you're frustrated at the moment??
Oh life decisions
Edit: To clarify the situation, I'm currently pursuing work as a pianist/accompanist. I've been practicing my ass off so that I can perform at a few major music competitions, and get my name out there. However, the level of music that I'm playing now has become more and more difficult, and I'm not sure if I can compete with the other accomplished pianists. It's been frustrating trying to memorize more than a hundred pages of music within a strict deadline (I have a month!). Now I'm rethinking my plans of being a concert level pianist. This pursuing my dream thing seems impossible to attain. lol
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