sometimes i feel

like maybe i fell in love with the wrong person.

im not excited about senior year. 
or dealing with crappy guidance counselors.
or crappy classmates.
or saying goodbye to everyone at the end.

this summer wasn't so grand.
it's drawing to a close, and i feel really empty.
it wasn't bad, i had a lot of great times.
but it just wasn't one of those summers that you'll look back on with fond memories of the entire thing.

i just have this feeling like my life is drawing to a close and im not doing many things worthwhile.
i spend almost every night hanging out with a room full of nothing but boys that i barely like,
listening to a bunch of tale conversations about the same things.

the excitement is gone between nick and i.
he only wants one thing, and so do i.
all i want is for us to be able to talk like best friends again.
and to laugh uncontrollably at each other.
and well.  i cant really blame nick completely.
cause really it is my fault just as much as it is his.
and billys.  i feel like i can blame him.
because he really screwed me up.

im always cold. 
i have low blood pressure.
and anemia.
the crown of my head hurts.

im falling apart.
and no one wants to hear about it.

i spend everyday

cleaning up the messes from the night before.

i really lost myself this summer.
i dont know if its completely bad or not.
i mean, yeah...there are some bad components to that. 

point is.
im so tired all of the time.

im sick of everyone talking about how free they are.

im ready for a break.
im ready to cry my heart out.
im ready.im ready.im ready.

im ready to see dillanne and babyjude on thursday.

im not responsible enough to take a pill at the same time everyday.

Even when I try to not be busy, I am.
I just need to chill at home sometime soon.

The next few days could potentially be a mess.
And they will definitely be kind of wild.

I need to start making more time to be at home,
And more time to be with Dylan and Jude.

I need Hallmark to start hiring so that I can get a job.

I need to take Courtney out to dinner before she goes off to college.
And I need to start getting scholarships.

I dreamed you were carried away on the crest of a wave

Baby, dont go away, come here.

Definitley near the top of the list of favorite lyrics ever.

I bombed the SAT. 
I didn't think I'd do this bad, or that I'd be this upset about. 

The whole world must watch the sad comic display,
If you're still free start running away.