It's all Relative

Wednesday, April 30, 2008

It's all Relative
I love my immediate family, but my extended family - it's just a bunch of strangers. Most of our extended family lives in Fairmont and Mannington, West Virginia. Two little shit holes (sorry, but it's the only way to describe them) where there is nothing to do besides get drunk, raise cattle, or work in coal mines. These are my relatives. When my parents got married, my mom made my dad swear that he would get her out of WV. When I was four we moved to New Jersey. We visited our family once a year at Thanksgiving. The experience was anything but pleasant. Our relatives nitpicked, made fun of us, cousins were mean, grandparents were rude, no-one seemed the least bit interested in us and so the distance become more than just miles.
Sure, as kids we managed to find fun despite everything but as I got older I began to resent having these people forced on me. As soon as I had a job, I quit visiting. My grandmother was horribly mean to us and particularly me, my cousins barely spoke a word to me, my aunts and uncles were not interested in anything I said, my grandpa was an alcoholic, and my great parents were just really old and grouchy, another grandmother had a couple of strokes and was in a wheelchair. The only really relationship I have with any extended relatives is my Great Grandpa Larson who rocks and lives in Philly. We have an aunt and uncle and 2 cousins that moved about 20 minutes away and we see them about twice a year. My first questions when they moved here is, "What do you do with cousins?"
Where am I going with all this? Well, my maternal grandfather is sick. Because of 60+ years of drinking he now has cerosis of the liver. He was brought down here to NC and more than likely won't live out the summer. It is hard to watch someone die, and even harder when they are strangers. But the hardest part is that I am supposed to care. I see how it affects my mother, who grew up in an abusive alcoholic home and she even seems to have mixed feelings about it. It seems that most of her concerns are related to where he will go when he dies though. I feel like everyone is looking at me and expecting me to rush to his side, and become great friends with him before he dies, and I have no idea why or how I should do that.
I want this curse to end though. I want to have relationships with my brothers, sister-in-laws, future nieces and nephews, mom, dad, etc. I don't want my immediate family to become like our current extended family.

My Grandpa. I know I look happy but that was one awkward hug.