What started as a single joyful step into motherhood has brought me o where I am today. Yes I speak of the joys and of the sorrows of me, my family, my life. It has not been an easy journey and it probably never will. I know now that without the love of my family I would not be where I am today.
In 1998 I became a mom for the first time. What should have been the happiest time of my life was not. Yes I wanted my son, yes I loved him, yes I cared for him as I should, but it was with dragging feet. I was down and I was scared. A mom should feel the way I did. When my visiting Mother-in-law left after a week I sat down and cried. My husband panicked and my mom drove an hour to bring me home with her.
That brought me into a journey that may never end. I have stupidly thought to myself I am fine, I don't need meds. I stop taking them. I turn into this horrible beast, someone I am ashamed to be. It's probably a bit like yo-yo dieting. Up & down all the time until you find what works for you. I have been through 3 other pregnancies while on anti-depressants. The risk of being depressed far outweigh the risk of taking the meds during pregnancy. I started on prozac and went thru my 2nd pregnancy on it. SHortly after his birth I switched to Zoloft. I stayed on the zoloft thru my 3 pregnancy. After she was born I switched to wellbutrin. Wellburtrin was my friend throughout my 4th and final pregnancy. Wellbutrin has been friend friend until recently.
It started as what I thought aggravation with an home interiors party. I hate that stuff, don't wish to be bothered with it. That began a back ward slide into loosing it. I turned into that monster again but this time I was still taking the meds. So after a Dr visit I switched to Effexor. That was short lived as it affected my vision. I began having the halo affect around lights esp at night. Cannot drive at night like that. So here I am back on the wellbutrin and trying to stay positive.
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