| | Konbanwa* (((Current Mood  Dunno what to say for this mood)))
Well… I don’t know…Sometimes when I think…about the past…I think some things that had happened and said were bull…for some reason…I remembered a certain event…and when I thought about that night…i remembered what i heard that night was…I dunno, like what i heard wasn’t true at all… I have no reason to be angry at anyone…but yet inside i'm feeling anger…frustration…and a mix of other feelings toward them… I’ve been in a similar situation before, and I know how they feel from their point of view…that they did nothing wrong…yet I got a point of view of something that I always wondered how this other person had felt toward me… How they felt towards me when I was in the position i mean… But now, I know how u could feel from both sides… I guess… This entry doesn’t make much sense huh? I know the person feels sorry and guilty… and I should be happy for them…everyone deserves happiness…even them…but how come I’m not happy?
”If ur happy then I’m happy…but why are u happy…and I’m not?”
Last night…I was wondering…thinking… and I couldn’t go to sleep… wondering so many “what if..” and some “I wonder if” and some “whys” This has been harder on me than I thought… Why am I obsessing over this if I don’t want to go back to the way it was before? I obsess…I complain…I whine…I talk too much…who could actually like me? I guess that’s one reason why people @ LACES think I’m a freak… well actually when they meet me, they think I’m insane… or they don’t like me much… I think so at least… For the people who I said, “I’ve been better, I’m alright, I’m okay, and I’m dealing with it… I really don’t know anymore… but I realized that I need serious help… but I realized now that no one can help me but myself… I need time…
I had gotten advice from someone... "you will get over him... never, but you will be able to move on. There will ALWAYS be a part of you that wants and wish of him, but in time, as you grow apart more and more, and learn to like others, it will get easier and easier to want someone else"
I found this poem by Meghan… by looking around at her old xanga entries… and I asked her if I could put this poem here… but she said eww and that she was an amateur… but I like it… so I’m putting it here…
There’s no one there to guide me
No one to save me from the storm
To cure the cold I have caught
To love me and hold me in their arms
You see that I got nothing
I really thought you cared
I’m left in the rain with agony
I thought you’d always be there
All I can do is cry
Teardrop after tear
I wasn’t good enough for you
You just disappeared
You were all I ever wanted
All I ever loved
You were almost perfect
As if you were from above
No one can suffer pain like this
Only I loved you
I thought we’d last forever
Shit, I was fooled
You ripped the heart out of me
When you loved someone new
I’m trying to move on
Trying to forget you
Now that I know your not the one
If you were you would have stayed
And loved me everlasting
Seems you went away
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| | Posted 7/9/2004 12:02 AM - 1 view - 6 comments
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