I went 8 days without eating... peoples.. I may be dying... I'm trying to eat again... but it may be to late... what fun... and the worse I get... the worse the weather seems to be getting... makes me think of the movie... 'The Golden Child'... what if I was the last completely pure person... who trusted and loved no matter what... and now... I expire and then the world loses all it's purity and unadulterated love... so if I do die.. here are some things i'd like to get off my chest... well there's not much... i lived my life telling the truth and following my heart.. and was happy for the most part... whoever said it was better to have loved and lost.. never loved as absolutely as i did.. in my opinion... tis better to have never loved ... than to have the one you love... hate you for some unreasonable reason and then die of a broken heart... all I keep thinking is... I must have made him so miserable.. i must have been such a burden that... he couldn't even give me one last shot... he says he did... but come on... ignoring me for a week on the internet... while he constantly talks to another girl... of course.. he's not going to think of me... you always think of the person closest in proximity... but you know what... I still don't hate him... but if i do die... i want him to visit me in the hospital and lie to me one last time.. give me a kiss on the forehead tell me he loves me... even if it is as only a friend... and i would kiss him on the cheek and tell him it's ok... then i'd die...78 lbs... that's my weight...

some things I loved about life... willow trees... books... mysteries... miss brinkly bbc mystery movies... the color blue... the mineral silver... my costume angel wings.. kitties... animals of all shapes and sizes... a big comfy pillow after a long day of work or busy work... the scent of fresh clean clothes... dumping out my cards and re-organizing them... kisses... hugs... people holding my hand... the feeling when someone braids my hair... The simpsons... South Park... Just Shoot Me... Ugly Betty...Bones... Grey's Anatomy... Angel... Buffy... House... group hugs... bad puns... long novels... the quiet of the library... jumping off the roof into a pile of leaves and still managing to live for some unforseen reason ... anime... manga's... movie theaters... misty mornings when anything seems possible.. heat... cold... mornings when the sun shines bright red instead of yellow... ice cubes on a hot summer day...  laughter... Sid, we had a ton of good times, even if he chooses to forget about them all, I still love him... kayla...darren...ashley... erin...shandiin...alicia...rusty...john...nick...aric...genny... kacy...jessica k.... jessica f....rosie...the fletchers, they were like a second family to me... dr. demento's radio show... pepsi... caffiene... the smell of coffee... sugar... cleaning... dusting... vaccuming...big bear hugs... back massages... video games...church... singing... God... Weird al Yankovic's song parodies I have at least 30 of them memorized...Monty Python's Flying circus...Mel Brookes films...bubbles... cartoons... drawing... painting... roses... honeysuckle...Mario super brothers... Marvel comic book heros, such as the X-men... batman... swimming... not getting sun-burned... being chased... chasing... dancing... falling over... being sleepy... now I am sleepy... I'm going to bed... I hope you all have a wonderfull day