by the time i got home today, i was really pissed off.
here's what happened.
you know the Eclectic Soup contest thing? well i was excited about it because we were supposed to find out who won tomorrow. ...
well i was talking to my friend Jessie and my friend Sam butted in. conveniently my old creative writing teacher was walking down that exact hallway at that exact time (no idea how that happened.)
so Sam decides to ask her "who won Eclectic Soup?" (she's not entered or anything, so it really was butting in...)
so my teacher said that she couldn't remember the names of the people... but that they picked one with chewed up pencils as number one... (it was nothing special, just a picture of pencils on a white background with words on it.) she also let us in on the fact that she was not the one who picked the winner..... the editors of the magazine do.
so what it boils down to is.. the contest is just a big popularity contest. the one with the pencils was made by a girl who is involved in everything (morning announcements, student senate... and it wouldn't surprise me in the least if she were on the board for the magazine.) their editor hates me as well. she's bitter in general i think though. her face looks a bit like the moon, and that's all i'll say.
this actually wasn't my theory initially... my friend Jessie was the one who was suspecting some foul play... but it makes a lot of sense that that would happen. i mean this IS high school, and clearly we cannot be mature.
or maybe i'm just bummed out i lost. maybe that one appeals to them so much more. maybe they like plain this year.
but it gets me to thinking... what do i honestly contribute to the world? nothing.
i'm not like an outstanding person or anything... i'm just kind of normal. i don't think most people know i'm alive even.
and when i am making my presence known, it's generally in some negative fashion. my extremes are rarely good i think.
extremes.. my feelings about myself are always in extreme... two completely opposite poles. i'm either narcissistic or self-loathing.
there are days when i feel like i am positively beyond compare, a rarity among the clods in my school.
and then there are days like today where i feel completely worthless.
(well felt, i'm in a better mood now. )
but it kind of makes sense. everything i feel is in extremes. and i wonder whether it's annoying or not. i know i don't like people who are wishy-washy and feel nothing... but people who overreact sometimes scare or annoy me.
and sometimes after i'm done with an emotional fit, i do feel like i've overreacted. but i can't possibly help it.
it's quite exhausting, having to be passionate about every little detail of life.
alright, i'm done battling with myself on this one for a bit.
Comments (19)
Man that sucks. You really had an excellent entry.
@Edgebreak - yeah... everyone who thought it would win is like 1/4 as heartbroken as i am.
i feel kind of stupid getting upset, but i was really excited.
Your mind reminds me of a chipmunk in a blender...
@CaughtScreaming - that can't be good. haha
@ShoutingSecrets - You had every right to be excited, and you should still be proud of your entry. It was very cool.
@CaughtScreaming - And what does my mind remind you of... *crosses fingers* (please say a blender in a chipmunk)
@Edgebreak - no :( bah.
@ShoutingSecrets - fah to your bah.
@ShoutingSecrets - Lol, its not bad 'xactly...I just know it sucks to have your mind going in so many different directions all the time.
@Edgebreak - Your mind reminds me more of roofies in a blender...
In fact...just about everybody's mind reminds me of something in a blender...or possibly in a bathtub...I don't like the allergy medicine the doctor gave me, lol. Nothing I say makes sense...
@CaughtScreaming - hahaha. when you said chipmunk in a blender my first thought was "oooh. she thinks i'm annoying." haha cause i was thinking of the noise it would make when it was still alive
@ShoutingSecrets - Lmao, no nothing like that. I don't find you annoying in the least bit. But now that I give it a though, I imagine it would make a damn obnoxious noise. I was thinking more or less the idea of moving quickly and just asl;kjfaes;lkgnjl;vavdjlk everything inside, lol.
Now that I give it more analysis, your brain doesn't really resemble a chipmunk in a blender, aside from the mind-blowingly fast movement, lol.
@CaughtScreaming - hahaha oh good. (my god i use a lot of similes and metaphors but when you use them on me i interpret them all wrong!)
@ShoutingSecrets - Oh noz! Lol. I'll try to be more careful, haha. Trust me, I've never been annoyed/angered/offended by you.
@CaughtScreaming - no need to be more careful haha i was just joking.
and that's good, cause i know i frustrate some people until they want to tear their hair out. and i wouldn't want you to be bald
@CaughtScreaming - @ShoutingSecrets -
Actually I think she'd look excellent bald headed. She could pull it off.
@Edgebreak - but then her head would get cold!
@ShoutingSecrets - @Edgebreak -
I've always wanted to shave my head!
Quick! Frustrate me to the point of tearing my hair out!
@CaughtScreaming - Ok. You can't have sex until you are 25 years old, and no internet for the next 3 years, and you have to address everyone you know as "posthumous sapiens rex" for the next 7 days, and you can only eat spam for the next three meals.
I was bald at "You can't have sex..." lol.