I'm going to say something here that is undoubtedly going to stomp on the toes of a select group of people. So be it. You know who you are.

But part of the problem is that some of you don't know who you are. I mean you haven't even figured out who you are in life. You let others make all your decisions by default. "I don't really want person B, and I don't really want person A, either, but I can't decide who to stay with, and I can't make it on my own. I guess I'll stay with the one that doesn't tell me to get out. I'll let them make the decision for me." You have no respect for yourself. That must change for your life to ever be better.

Public humiliation used to be a punishment of choice. People were so much less likely to do something they shouldn't do, if they thought the whole town would find out about it. There would be little secrecy...no "Don't tell so-and so that I said such-and-such." Little sneaking around doing things for which others would pitch rotten veggies at you, while pinned in stocks. Little adultery if you were forced to wear a scarlet "A" on your person.

Now, I'm not advocating that kind of punishment for every little infraction. There truly are times when people slip and do something they did not intend to do. However, when the infraction becomes a way of life, I'm not sure it's such a bad idea. Everyone is certainly entitled to their own opinion, and this one is mine. I'm sure the select group I am speaking to will disagree. Oh well.

Get it out in the open. All of it. Quit hiding things from each other. Quit lying to each other. Quit trying to make sure you have a place at one home or the other, just in case your first choice doesn't work out. Quit trying to get back at each other. Quit cheating. Grow up and stop acting like a complete idiot.

And remember: everything you are doing is eventually found out. One way or another. There is one of you who thinks you are SO much smarter than all the others - even smarter than those on the outside who have been attempting to give Christian counsel. Oh, how wrong you are. God is right there, revealing everything. Remember that God is smarter than Satan.

Don't tell your current spouse that you always really wanted to work it out, and then post that they have nothing to offer you. Which statement is the lie? At least one of them is.

To one of you: Quit beating yourself up for something you didn't do. You are not being punished for something you did before. Quit asking why. Lean not on your own understanding. Be still and listen. He will tell you eventually. If you try to figure it out yourself, you will miss what He is telling you. And right now, you are not in any mental condition to figure it out anyway. Grief temporarily hinders sound thinking. You are in the anger stage of your grief. Don't let your mate try to make you feel guilty for doing the right thing. Walk with your head held high! Don't think you can do it? Remember that often said line, "We can't do anything in our own strength." You know who always says that.

Don't fall for sad puppy-dog eyes or "woe is me" writings on blogs. It won't be long before you are truly able to see the gag factor in those things.

And please listen to this: DO NOT get yourself attached to someone else, before the current ties are permanently severed. It is wrong. Don't involve another person. Don't even worry about the future right now. God will provide for the future of His children. There's the key - His children. Don't worry about being alone. You are not alone. God is with you.

I wish you could all sit down together, with referees, and put it all on the table. No healing will ever happen while all the lying is still going on. And it is. And some of you just don't realize how obvious it is. And how much lack of common sense there appears to be. Or do you even really care?

Comment if you want to. Or don't - it's your choice. But I will delete anything that gets ugly. Ugly by my definition. And I will delete any language that is offensive by my definition.