It's called "Controlled Crying". I did it with my first daughter and it worked. And now, we're trying it with our youngest. If you've never heard of it, it works by gradually increasing the response time to crying.
The first time they cry, you go in straight away and make sure they are ok, change his/her nappy, give them what they need, settle them to sleep. I used to make sure I got out of there before they fell asleep completely so they got used to falling asleep alone, and weren't startled when they woke up a few minutes later to find that Mum or Dad had disappeared.
The second cry gets a 5 minute delay. Face it, you've already changed the nappy, they are ok, there is no reason for him or her to cry other than the fact that you are not in the room humming lullabies anymore. After 5 minutes, we go back in, calm him down. The third time we wait 10 minutes, then 15.
With my daughter we had one whole night of crying, and she only settled after we were up to 55 minutes. That was the one and only night we had to do that. Since then, she's slept like a rock, and even these days she can wake up and go back to sleep by herself with no worries.
With our little fellow, we did it for the first time tonight. He lasted to the 15 minute wait, and that was that. It's been almost an hour since I've been in there last, and all I heard was a short sigh after about 5 minutes.
The alternative has been to take him into our bed or for Teck to take him to the lounge room, put a DVD in and sleep there. In the past that was the only option, because Zack slept in the same room and couldn't sleep if Quinn was screaming at the top of his lungs. Now, that they're in separate rooms it works.
Of course there are a million studies to prove that this method works, and another million studies to prove that this makes us bad parents and that our children will now all have a tendency to mass murder. Stuff theories. This works for us. At least tonight.
Comments (14)
It sounds like a good theory one I hadnt heard before. If it works for you then im sure your kids will be just fine.
@kellychicky - ROFL... usually sex and alcohol work better for husbands
Fascinating.
You know, I heard of one psychologist who raised her kid by refusing to allow him to sleep. She would lightly slap him or play music when he tried to go to sleep. After months of this, he would obsessively seek sleep and rush to bed every bedtime (if he slept at other times, she would jolt him awake.)
I'm not really sure I would be prepared to go that far to train a kid, though.
@moritheil - I've been known to keep my boys awake when they want to fall asleep before bed time... but they usually go hyper and then we can't get them to sleep at all... Zack especially has fallen asleep around 5 in the afternoon and then slept all the way through... I wish I could do that.
I see nothing wrong with letting them cry a bit if they are ok other than just wanting to have a fit and cry. How else are you going to get them out of your bed and into the one they are to stay in? So they cry about it a few minutes, it's not going to hurt them. In fact, it's probably harder on you!
That is interesting!
Miss Donkey Pants? Maybe Miss Smarty Pants knows! I dunno!
You do what works.
Sam falls asleep with us and gets carried into his own bed.
He comes in with us if he wants.
I did something similar with my kids. They learned to fall asleep on their own (oh what a prize that is!) and to comfort themselves back to sleep. Every family is different, but I'm very supportive of raising independent, confident kids. Your method works.
I tried controlled crying but couldn't take the stress, so I used to take my son outside and just sit on the step with him on my lap. In the tropics the night is quite noisy with frogs, cicadas and loads of other noisy insects and he used to calm down and fall asleep within about five minutes or so. The downside was the bites. His skin doesn't react to mosquito bites, but mine does. Terribly.
babysitting is lovely tiring....
hey...whatever works!
I add a l-o-n-g story in here of my own draining experiences....but not tonight...time to sleep
it worked with mine too.
It is a good method,I know so many peopls that have the kids in bed with them for years!