| | Sixth Graders' Views of Ancient History
The following were answers provided by 6th graders during history
tests. Watch the spelling! Some of the best humor is in the misspelling.
1. Ancient Egypt was inhabited by mummies and they all wrote in
hydraulics. They lived in the Sarah Dessert. The climate of the Sarah
is such that all the inhabitants have to live elsewhere.
2. Moses led the Hebrew slaves to the Red Sea where they made
unleavened bread, which is bread made without any ingredients.
Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten commandments.
He died before he ever reached Canada.
3. Solomon had three hundred wives and seven hundred porcupines.
4. The Greeks were a highly sculptured people, and without them we
wouldn't have history. The Greeks also had myths.
A myth is a female moth.
5. Socrates was a famous Greek teacher who went around giving
people advice. They killed him. Socrates died from an overdose of
wedlock. After his death, his career suffered a dramatic decline.
6. In the Olympic games, Greeks ran races, jumped, hurled biscuits,
and threw the java.
7. Julius Caesar extinguished himself on the battlefields of Gaul.
The Ides of March murdered him because they thought he was
going to be made king. Dying, he gasped out: "Tee hee, Brutus."
8. Joan of Arc was burnt to a steak and was canonized by
Bernard Shaw.
9. Queen Elizabeth was the "Virgin Queen." As a queen she was a
success. When she exposed herself before her troops they all
shouted "hurrah."
10. It was an age of great inventions and discoveries. Gutenberg
invented removable type and the Bible. Another important invention
was the circulation of blood. Sir Walter Raleigh is a historical figure
because he invented cigarettes and started smoking.
Sir Francis Drake circumsized the world with a 100-foot clipper.
11. The greatest writer of the Renaissance was William Shakespeare.
He was born in the year 1564, supposedly on his birthday. He never
made much money and is famous only because of his plays.
He wrote tragedies, comedies, and hysterectomies, all in Islamic
pentameter. Romeo and Juliet are an example of a heroic couple.
Romeo's last wish was to be laid by Juliet.
12. Writing at the same time as Shakespeare was Miguel Cervantes.
He wrote Donkey Hote. The next great author was John Milton.
Milton wrote paradise Lost. Then his wife died and he wrote
Paradise Regained.
13. Delegates from the original 13 states formed the Contented
Congress. Thomas Jefferson, a Virgin, and Benjamin Franklin were
two singers of the Declaration of Independence. Franklin discovered
electricity by rubbing two cats backward and declared, "A horse divided
against itself cannot stand. Franklin died in 1790 and is still dead.
14. Abraham Lincoln became America's greatest Precedent.
Lincoln's mother died in infancy, and he was born in a log cabin which
he built with his own hands. Abraham Lincoln freed the slaves by
signing the Emasculation Proclamation. On the night of April 14, 1865,
Lincoln went to the theater and got shot in his seat by one of the actors
in a moving picture show. They believe the assinator was John Wilkes
Booth, a supposingly insane actor. This ruined Booth's career.
15. Johann Bach wrote a great many musical compositions and had
a large number of children. In between he practiced on an old spinster
which he kept up in his attic. Bach died from 1750 to the present.
Bach was the most famous composer in the world and so was Handel.
Handel was half German, half Italian, and half English. He was very large.
16. Beethoven wrote music even though he was deaf. He was so deaf
he wrote loud music. He took long walks in the forest even when
everyone was calling for him. Beethoven expired in 1827 and later
died for this.
17. The nineteenth century was a time of a great many thoughts and
inventions. People stopped reproducing by hand and started reproducing
by machine. The invention of the steamboat caused a network of rivers
to spring up. Louis Pasteur discovered a cure for rabbits. Charles Darwin
was a naturalist who wrote the Organ of the Species. Madman Curie
discovered the radio. And Karl Marx became one of the Marx Brothers. |
| | Posted 2/25/2004 8:49 AM - 2 views - 21 comments
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She was cracking up!
