Saturday, January 26, 2008

• Mandar: Myth vs. Fact (a gender specific post.)

  There is a new phenomena sweeping the nation (aka about 14 or 15 girls at the University of Missouri).  Thanks to yours truly, women everywhere are realizing they hold a gift.  This gift is "mandar."  As spokeswoman for mandar, I feel it is my duty to clear up any misconceptions about mandar.  First, I'll start with the official definition:

  Mandar [man-DĂR]
  noun
  Sense of ones "surroundings." Found to be most effective in coffeeshops and at Christian conferences. Usually least effective in shopping malls and during football games and pompous jerk festivals. Not to be confused with manscope.
  
  © Britani Siebeneck 2008

  Myth: If you see a "hot" guy, it means your mandar has gone off.

  Fact: Okay, first of all, can I just say that I don't like calling men "hot."  I mean "hot" is what you call Jonathan Taylor Thomas when you're 11 years old and it's 1997.  I almost like the term "cute," better.  Moving on... so why doesn't seeing a good looking guy mean your mandar has gone off?  Well, simply put, everyone (i.e. everyone physically able to see this post) has eyes and can see.  The only thing required to be able to know if a guy is good looking is the ability to see him.  And the probability of the good looking guy you see being a complete meat-head, is probably fairly high.  And mandar is never set off by a meat-head.

  Myth: Mandar is the ability to distinguish whether or not a man is in the room.

  Fact: We don't need mandar to know that just any random guy is in the room.  I'm sure we've all taken a biology course at some point in our lives and thus have the ability to distinguish between the two primary genders. 

  Myth: You should wear pants with the word "juicy" or any other kind of writing on the butt.

  Fact: Okay, so this doesn't really have that much to do with mandar, but I feel it is an issue that needs to be addressed.  Meat-head is already very visual.  Meat-head probably already notices that you do indeed have a butt.  Meat-head does not need any more encouragement to look at your butt.  If your mandar goes off while wearing these type of pants I can assure you that you should go home and put on some Levi's before you even think about opening your mouth and saying "hi."

  Other helpful hints:

  Once you are married or in a committed relationship, say good-bye to mandar.

  For those who enjoy the occassional brewskie, do not drink and operate mandar at the same time.

  For those who enjoy getting very, very drunk all the freakin' time.  First of all, stop getting very, very drunk all the freakin' time and secondly if drunken parties are the only place where your mandar is given the ability to function, then this is not good.  Having mandar is like driving a car.  It can be a very good thing or (if you're drunk behind the wheel) a very, very bad thing.

  Mandar is for being able to notice upstanding, quality gentlemen, not future make out buddies.

  What's the difference between mandar and manscope?  Manscope is purposefully going somewhere specifically to look for men or scoping out a room trying to find men.  Mandar is simply knowing a good man when you see him.  If you have a good mandar, there is no need for manscope.

  Finally, your "spiritual antenna" should always be on higher alert than your mandar.

   

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