Thursday, April 17, 2008
-
FOOLS RUSH IN WHERE ANGELS FEAR TO TREAD Part I
FEELING FOOLISH!
![court-jester[1]](http://xbe.xanga.com/204c7bf1c6332184454982/z141380596.jpg)
Believe it or not there are subjects I rarely touch with a 10' pole, or any other length of pole for that matter. It isn't that I'm especially afraid of these subjects. I don't go near them because to discuss them only brings about accusations that I'm making generalizations, that I'm casting my own experience onto others, that I don't really understand what others go through in their struggles, and etc. I get that a lot already, but considering the sources I'm not bothered by too many of my detractors. When I talk about what makes me passionate it means I've spent a great deal of time learning about it; usually years. Still with all that I know about sexual brokenness I have to take special care when dealing with certain areas. One of those areas has to do with what people really believe about why they are, and how they became sexually broken. It saddens me deeply that most people I've dealt with who struggle with sexual brokenness are incredibly ignorant about the subject which holds most of the power in their lives. AND GAWD DOES IT SHOW!!
THIS FOOL RUSHES IN
I've written posts on this subject but always delete them. Lately I've been seeing and receiving all kinds of comments which deal in some way with what I'm going to talk about.
Squeakysoul left this one:
"Although, feelings are very powerful and compelling things. How did you deal with the power of the feelings? Especially for something as fundamental as sexual feelings. I am interested to know, because I think this could be a real teaching moment for all kinds of people."
One of the best questions I've ever received. Casey said something on his last "Hawksnemesis" blog, before shutting it down. He talked about "the hold he had on homosexuality". Rarely do I find struggling people who get that close to ownership of their problem. Most are like the person who finally hit the bulls eye dead center when he says:
"....due to something that he has no control over?"
The writer in this case, in the proper context, is speaking about homosexuality, and without meaning to he's let the cat out of the bag. He believes he had/has no control over the "hows" and "whys" behind his homosexual attraction. Oh, people who struggle with SSA make all kinds of claims about understanding the "sinfulness" involved, but they still deeply believe, at it's heart, SSA isn't really their fault. SSA is something, for lack of a better word, they're just "born" with. This is where 28 years of fairly in depth study into the science of sexual attraction, and 18 years of extensive Bible study and life experience are invaluable.
The vast majority of people I've come in contact with who struggle with any kind of sexual immorality/brokenness never get past the powerful internal emotional message:
"THIS IS JUST THE WAY YOU ARE GET USED TO IT"
I'm not one of those people. I refused to, "get used" to being what I had been. What I had been was a lie, and when I accepted that truth I started changing. Before, my feelings had complete control of how I viewed myself and my sexuality. In the end I chose an objective source, the Bible, to frame my thinking and feeling. I can say without fear of being proved wrong that through God's grace and word I'm a changed man internally. I'm not completely changed, but I don't believe I'm gay, have to feel sexually attracted to men, or that my struggle is honestly about sex.
Dealing with the core problems is what really brings change. "Squeakysoul's" question was, "How did you deal with the power of the feelings?" The answer: Quite simply, I denied them the right to remain. Scripture tells us much. First the Bible taught me that Jesus had set me free from bondage to sin, and everything connected to that sin; John 8:36, 2 Corinthians 5:17. Then I learned that my feelings were lying to me; Romans 1:25. I also learned that though I did not have the ability to free myself from bondage God did; Mark 10:27, Luke 1:73-75. When I started obeying the objective truth in God's word I changed, and after I changed the feelings followed.
It's important to understand that feelings are a result of actions. If you struggle with sexual brokenness the feelings you have followed your actions. Feelings are secondary to root causes; they are the fruit, not the root of the problem. That's another thing people who struggle with sexual brokenness rarely seem to grasp. Managing feelings is like knocking apples off a tree. You can knock all of em off, but unless you kill the tree it'll just grow more. I can't get people to understand this concept, so keep feelings as your focus and go nowhere. No skin off my nose.
If I had to pick a reason why SSA is so intractable in people's lives it comes down to that core belief I've been talking about: "I'm just this way, was born this way, and there's nothing to be done about it." Rejecting that thinking made my freedom possible. I didn't "feel" like scientific facts were true; I didn't "feel" like the Bible was true; I didn't "feel" that what therapists were saying about my condition was true; nothing felt true, except what I'd always felt. Still I knew my feelings were lying to me. I stuck to objective truth tenaciously. My behavior changed, but the wait for my feelings to change was some times long in coming. Still in the end objective fact/truth won out, through God's grace.
Look here's the bottom line, if sexual immorality holds power in your life you have to accept that you are at fault for where you are. If you are sexually attracted to people of the same sex that's your fault. You made choices, not choice, singular, and those choices brought you to the dilemma you find yourself in today. It wasn't/isn't beyond your ability to do something about where you are. If you want to go on blaming your circumstance on factors beyond your control, so be it, but you're lying to yourself. The empirical facts, and the emphatic truth of God's word don't allow for any conclusion except that you and I made choices. God will enable us to make different choices, but we have to stop making excuses and become radically obedient to what He says. To Hell with your feelings.
Lonnie
-
recommend
- recs 5
- give stars
- votes 2
-
email
- sent 0
Post a Comment
- Back to Such_Were_You's Xanga Site!
- Note: your comment will appear in Such_Were_You's local time zone: GMT -05:00 (Eastern Standard - US, Canada)
Comments (20)
Very interesting post. I want to Recommend it but I fear some people might jump all over you for this, because this is a really unpopular point of view out there. I agree with what you've said, and I can't wait to see the second part of this.
@EilisAngelos - Sad to say, but there is good reason to fear. Feelings are the real God, even for many Christians.
@squeakysoul - I agree with you. 20 years ago would have viciously attacked anyone who said what I've said. That doesn't make it any less true. People just don't want any other power in their lives above their own feelings.
Lonnie
I was reading a book last night, and there was a chapter about sex and gender. In this chapter it mentioned a part of the brain, or actually, I think it was a part of a part, that's typically smaller in women and homosexual males. No matter what the cause of this different size, if the part of the brain is stuck at this size and is causing homosexual attraction in guys, what do you expect people to do about it?
Also, what's this about making choices? Do you really think people sit down one day and make a choice about their sexuality? I never chose to be a heterosexual. I saw myself as a boy, and from a young age, I was mysteriously attracted to the girls. I remember a minor occurrence of this taking place as early as kindergarten. From what I've heard, many homosexual guys have the same experiences, but they were attracted to the boys instead.
I also read last night that 60 types of animal species have been documented as displaying homosexual behavior.
A few years ago my homosexual friend found an attraction to women, but he refers to himself as bisexual. He's also more interested in guys, so it's more of like a 60/40 or 70/30 bisexuality. Even if a homosexual guy can pick up an attraction to women, I've never heard of one case where a homosexual guy completely lost interest in other guys.
I'm not trying to make much of a point. I'm just mentioning the stuff I've been reading and thinking about.
If you wnat to read my response to "Rejected_Stone"s comment please go to his blog and comments page at: http://weblog.xanga.com/Rejected_Stone/652709877/anti-heaven.html The response is just too long to reproduce here. I would like to keep things moving.
Lonnie
Hey, thanks for the long comment. I'm just starting to get into this "gay science" by circumstance. It happened to be in the chapter I decided to read in a 900 page. I did recognize that the author has an agenda to make nice, happy workplaces where everyone is accepted. By making homosexuals biological, it serves his agenda.
I do see now how decisions I made, mostly when I was a teenager, corrupted my heterosexuality. There was nothing biological about those things. I think I mentioned this before. It's funny how so many people want homosexuality to be biological, but nobody wants pedophilia to be biological.
Anyway, there is apparently a force or a flow of this world. It's based in agendas that people have, rather than a real interest in what is true. This force seems to pull most people along, and resisting it or getting out of it takes a lot of effort issue by issue. You can get out of it when it comes to something like homosexuality, but perhaps you know nothing about overconsumption of meat for example. Nobody wants to believe me when I speak against consuming as much meat as Americans normally do, so I just don't try anymore.
@Rejected_Stone - Yeah I'd have to say we Americans consume way too much meat, and I'm one of the guilty ones. But aside from gross gluttony, I'm not sure eternal damnation is the end result of eating too much meat. Eating too much meat may mean we live shorter less healthy lives, but being sexual immorality is damnable sin. For sexual immorality there will be Hell to pay.
I certainly don't expect anyone to spend 28 years carefully studying SSA, but it would be nice if Christians would all read Chad Thompson's book Loving Homosexuals as Jesus Would, and/or Dr. Jeffrey Satinover's book Homosexuality and the Politics of Truth. Both books are well under 900 pages, and the information in them is mostly solid. So quit being one of those with bad information by becoming one of those with good information. Eventually you're going to have the opportunity to share Christ with a gay person. As you build a relationship with that person inevitably the topic of morality will come up. If you know what you're talking about you can tell them the truth, and they will still know you love them.
Lonnie
BP, preach it bro'! It's refreshing to hear this.
@ManOnAJourney - Thank you John. Keep reading!
Lonnie
While I've not experienced this particular life challenge, I've had other issues with "feelings" that drive decisions. "I'm just this way" is not one that I used ... but it is one that raises my ire when I hear it. On a very fundamental it means "I don't want to try." This touches on a theme I harp on about many behaviors that are internally excused such as obesity, smoking, gambling, womanizing and the like. Unless a deep and internal decision is made to change behavior (i.e. cut down the tree) the issue won't be solved. Diets, patches, credit card limits, and counseling amount to very little if that internal decision to change isn't sincerely and passionately made.
Once that decision IS made, though, I do believe God gives us a spiritual strength to fight those demons with valor.
I happened on your site because Pass_the_Aura recommended your "Fools Rush In ... 1 1/2" post. I agree wholeheartedly with your position on the matters.
but I have a question regarding your reply to Rejected_Stone: "sexual immorality is damnable sin." isn't all sin damnable? I mean, using the overeating meat as an example - if the only sin a person committed their entire life was to overeat on Thanksgiving Day 1974, thereby disrespecting the limits of the God-given gift of their physical body, wouldn't they still be a sinner damned to hell if they didn't repent and seek God's perfect forgiveness?
I guess my question is, do you see people who commit sexual sin as more culpable for their sin than those who commit other types of sin?
@camdenjoneses - No indeed, but we are told that there are sins which don't lead to death....Can't remember where right now, but it's in one of the epistles. And eating too much meat in ones diet isn't the same as gluttony per se. Having too much meat means you have an unbalanced diet. You could still eat the right amount of calories in a day, thereby not indulge in gluttony, but still have meat make up too much of that diet. I'm not sure having an unbalanced diet could be considered damnable sin.
Also, while your example, of over eating on Thanksgiving, is interesting it leads to another question. Is it possible to be guilty of only one sin? If we commit one sin then we open ourselves up for others don't we? If we commit one sin then as night follows day so one sin leads to others. Sin, like fire, is started by one little spark, but then consumes everything in it's path.
Good thoughts, thanks so much for your comment and recommendation!
Lonnie
@HumbleWalk - I think that's a pretty good read on things. I would add one thing for Christians--Conviction of the Holy Spirit. One thing God does is continue to attempt to convict us. If we are wise we will listen and obey. If we are unwise we will ignore God until we bring ourselves to judgment. And I hope you know when I say judgment I hope you know I mean judgment as discipline.
I think what happened to Jim Baker with PTL is a very good example. There were Christians who warned the Bakers they were doing wrong. They didn't listen and received judgment (literally!!). In the end Baker got out of prison and wrote a book called I WAS WRONG. Should you ever happen to hear Baker speak he is a VERY different man today.
Blessings,
Lonnie
@squeakysoul - recommend it anyway, if it's worth hearing, it's worth hearing publicly.
@Such_Were_You - I agree wholeheartedly, it would be nearly impossible to sin just once. I was simply using that as an example.
but in your reply, you refer to the scripture speaking of sins leading
to death. I have always tinterpreted that passsage as meaning physical
death. do you interpret it to mean spiritual death? because again, I
conclude, any, and every, sin, no matter how humanly insignificant,
itself leads to damnation/hell/spiritual death if we do not seek the
redemption that is in Christ.
thanks for the insight though.
@camdenjoneses - Okay, I can't find it right now, but there is a place in the New Testament which speaks of sins which do not lead to death. Of course in the end it's a moot point because sins which don't lead to death will lead us to sins which do lead to death.
I don't mind terribly if someone decides one sin is worse than another, so long as they treat the sinner who has the worst sins the way Jesus treated sinners, with loving compassion. It's when people decide some sins are too bad for the loving compassion of Jesus that gets my shorts, and God's for that matter, in a twist.
Lonnie
@ionekoa - Thanks so much....I tend to agree.
Lonnie
@Such_Were_You - I
agree. that's the point I was trying to make - all sins are equal. all
sins lead to spiritual death. I was just struck by a previous comment
of yours where you said sexual immorality was a damnable sin, and
wondered if that meant you thought there were sins that weren't
damnable, in other words, sins that when committed didn't lead to
spiritual death and hell. I figure through our comments back and
forth now that you do believe all sins are damnable.
@camdenjoneses - No, not all sins are damnable, like I said there is a place in Scripture which speaks of this...I just can't find it right now....What I meant was even the ones which aren't damnable are stepping stones to the ones which are....This may seem like a matter of semantics, but it's not. If we are convicted of a sin which does not lead to death, then our sin stops before it leads to a sin which does lead to death. If we don't repent of the sin which doesn't lead to death, then we'll eventually progress to one which is.
Lonnie
First of all, great post. Your courage is highly admirable and your words are wise. I'll definitely recommend your post because I think that it deserves to be read by more people.
And I'd like to add that while some people may find it a relief to hear that homosexuality is not their fault and that it is just the way they are born, I have to wonder if there are others who feel trapped by it.