Saturday, April 26, 2008

• FOOLS RUSH IN WHERE ANGELS FEAR TO TREAD Part 2.0

   

   

  Why Do Fools Fall In Love??

  Or

  More To The Point: 

  Why Do Fools Settle For Feelings Rather Than Love???

   

  

   

  "Although they claimed to be wise, they became fools and exchanged the glory of the immortal God for images made to look like mortal man and birds and animals and reptiles."  ~The Holy Spirit

   

   

  18The wrath of God is being revealed from heaven against all the godlessness and wickedness of men who suppress the truth by their wickedness, 19since what may be known about God is plain to them, because God has made it plain to them. 20For since the creation of the world God's invisible qualities—his eternal power and divine nature—have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that men are without excuse.

  These Scriptures absolutely hit the "bulls eye" dead center, when considering those who promote homosexuality.   From the age of 15 until I was 25 all I wanted was the truth about why I was gay.   I didn't care about religion or philosophy, I just wanted the truth.  At 15 I was convinced the truth was something I could discover about why I was gay.   By age 25 I'd been disabused of that thinking.  Ten years of searching for a cause, and this is all I learned:

  Those who promote homosexuality care nothing for truth.  They suppress the truth by their wickedness.

  We have been given LeVay's "gay brain", Hamer's "gay gene", or Pilliard's "gay twins".   What these men did was to give us irrefutable proof of the lengths gay activists will go to manipulate, lie, cheat, steal, and all kinds of other nasty things to get what they want.   Truth be damned! 

  "Oh crap! Here we go again!!....He's gonna go off on another dramatic tirade!!!"....No I'm not.....but I had you going for a moment didn't I??!!

  Remember the little girl who at 3, set her parent's house and herself on fire??    Well that's about the time it all got started for LeVay, Hamer, Pilliard, me, and anyone else who is sexually immoral or struggles against it.   Anyone who looks at me doesn't see a 3-5 year old kid.   But my course was pretty much set by the time I was 5 years old.   So do I deserve AIDS, or Hell, or terrible scars like the little girl from the last post???   I made childish decisions; sinful decisions, but does that mean I deserve what I got????    Though I didn't know what my choices would bring me they brought me incredible pain, confusion, turmoil, horribly violent self-hatred, condemnation (Right Wing Christians), completely unwarranted affirmation (Left Wing Christians), and...well.... just plain old HELL! 

  I didn't choose to be gay, but I did plant the seeds which would grow into the field of weeds my life later became.   I didn't know the seeds were weed seeds, how could I?   Even as a little boy I knew many of the things I chose to believe and do were wrong.   As I've said in past blogs, part of my Gender Identity Confusion was the rejection of my dad.   Even as a child I could recognize he was a bad person.   Children know that hating their parents is wrong, but how could I see the consequences of my choice?   Even nature shows us that seeds don't look like the plants which grow from them.   If all you'd ever seen was an apple seed, but never the tree or it's fruit, could you possibly imagine what an apple looked like?

  What I also didn't understand at such a tender age was that my choices would stunt my emotional growth.   I spent my life, all the way through my twenties, being controlled by emotions which had been formed by the age of 5.  I grew up in many ways, but emotionally I was driven by childish infantile emotional/gender identity needs.  When I decided to reject my dad I rejected my model of masculinity.  I could have accepted the good parts of my dad, like anyone else he has very good, honorable qualities.   Rejecting my dad left a void in my being.   And as many know "nature abhors a vacuum".    I had unmet masculine needs, and my hungry little self was willing to eat anything at all.  The words of another man on the matter are far better than any I could write.

  So here I am. . . married and with a grown child. . . still beating my head against a reality I've come to only acknowledge within the past couple of years:  I want what I never had.  I want to experience male intimacy in ways my father could never model for me. . . .  Even though sociological norms press me into a mold, and even though my Evangelical mind barely conceives of such an idea without it becoming overly sexualized, I still come back to the reality of what I want.  I desire male intimacy.  I want a transparency of soul I never knew with my dad.  I want to embrace, to know a rare transparency of soul, and even -- yes even -- to feel the brush of naked skin on skin.  Without thinking of the other as a "lover", I want to experience male embrace. . . .  The culture doesn't know how to allow for this without everyone assuming it's "gay" or making something more of it than emotional closeness.  So, on I go in silent desperation, never having experienced this one thing I long for.~ Anonymous

  WOW!!!  That is some powerful stuff.   "To feel the brush of naked skin on skin..."   There's actually a name for this interaction, which could/should take place between father and baby.  it's called a "Warm Fuzzy" I read about it in a pamphlet at a hospital waiting room when my older brother's last son was born. 

  Dad removes his shirt, takes his child, either naked or just wearing a diaper, and holds the child tightly to his chest, with the baby's head resting in the curve of his neck, so that dad's chin rests lightly on the crown of the baby's head.    The concept just blew me away.  I knew immediately that was a very powerful way of communicating with a baby.   And just that understanding threw me for a loop....I mean, after all how could I know a "Warm Fuzzy" would be a "powerful way of communicating with a baby"???   I didn't know anything about it, so why did I have such a powerful conviction about the "Warm Fuzzy"?    There were other feelings that were equally powerful, and equally puzzling....Wave after wave of intense envy, anger, and frustration broke over me.   By this time I was several years out of homosexuality, and knew my feelings weren't sexual at all.   I had to hold back tears!!   I could not understand what was going on with me!!!   I took the pamphlet home with me, and looked at it a lot followed by the same emotional response.  

   

  

  MY THOUGHT EXACTLY!

   

  I finally threw the pamphlet away, and after doing that, it hit me...My anger, envy, and frustration stem from not bonding with my dad.  Those emotions were childish feelings formed in childhood!   I didn't need a Warm Fuzzy I needed to grow up and stop infantile feelings from controlling me.  I stopped and prayed, "God forgive me for allowing childish feelings to continue controlling me as an adult.   Please Father enable me to embrace my freedom from immature feelings."   That was it I was free.  Never again have I allowed those childish emotions to dictate how I feel.   And for those who have a sense of entitlement to feel "needy", you have a choice; 1) Feel entitled and needy the rest of your life, or 2) Walk free.   I chose to walk free.

  Those infantile emotions have certainly attempted to reestablish control in my life, but as Scripture points out "The word of God is sharper than any two edged sword."   When the feelings rise, I slice away with the truth from the word of God.   That's what we have to do as believers.  "casting down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ,"  2 Corinthians 10:5

  That's what we're doing when we take control of our feelings, we're casting down arguments and high things that exalt themselves against the knowledge of God.   It's not simplistic, it's not a pat answer, it's not easy, and it's not mere "mind over matter".    No one is good at doing it at first, but practice makes perfect.  It's not optional, but most every "struggling" Christian I know doesn't do it consistently over time.   It's part of the answer God has given us to pull down the "feeling" strongholds that we've allowed to control us all our lives.  If you're not casting down the childish feelings, then those feelings are being exalted against the knowledge of God.   The feelings aren't an accident, they don't flow from being "born" gay.  Ultimately, your feelings flow from your immature sin nature being allowed to continue controlling your life.   Complete rejection of our sinful immaturity, and radical obedience to God's commands, like the one in 2 Corinthians 10:5, is essential to freedom.   The proof, as they say, is in the pudding.

     

  Lonnie   
  

   

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