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Loving them, warts and all
Parenting has without a doubt been the most fascinating, challenging, rewarding and at the same time humbling job I've ever taken on. I sometimes get the idea that people think there is one right way to parent. I don't believe that is true. Parenting is such a diverse activity and the objects of parenting are even more so that there could not possibly be one right way.
I believe most of us do the best we can, with the knowledge we own and the skills we have. When I think of how my parents did it thirty years ago, they were probably close to what today is called Attachment Parenting. They were loving, caring, open parents that allowed us to discover ourselves and explore our worlds. We co-slept, self weaned and had very little rigid structures. They did give hidings though - they were far and in between - but it happened.
However when I look back, it is not the hidings that shaped me most, but rather the life experiences that we had no control over. My absolute earliest memory is of staying with my aunt while my brother was sick. He was very ill and spent almost a whole year in hospital. During that time I stayed with various people. I was left with anyone that was willing to take me. The best my mother could do at the time.
The next memory is of my paternal grandfather's funeral. It was one of those with an open coffin. To this day I remember him lying there. That was probably not the wisest decision on my parent's side, but maybe they realised too late that it was open.
The next one is of being left in the car alone when my mother went to buy dog food at some factory. I remember looking out the window, seeing all these people, got so scared that someone will grab me, that I hid behind the back seat on the floor. Again not the wisest decision to leave me in the car, but who know maybe I fell asleep before she got to the factory. Those were different safer time.
Then I remember sitting on one of these brown hospital benches waiting to see my newborn sister. My Dad came out to tell us that we couldn't see her since her lungs didn't open and they were rushing her off to another hospital. She didn't die, but hearing that scared the pants off me. Some times life bites.
Next one is me and my brother getting lost in the drive-in. We went off to play when we got there and when we returned the drive-in was a full house and there was no way we could find our car again. Looking onto these events I can see that I've experienced loss, fear, loneliness, betrayal, abandonment and probably anger in my first five years even though I was blessed to have loving, caring, wonderful parents.
When I look at Maui, I think of what he has experienced in his first three short years. Abandonment, loneliness and fear when he had to stay overnight in hospital. Loss, uncertainty and fear when his Oupa and then again his Ouma-Groot died. Fear and abandonment when he got lost one brief moment at a holiday resort. Loss when his baby sister was born. And we are good, loving and caring parents too. There are no way that one could deny that these experiences must shape his life in some way. It will be shaped uniquely different for him with whatever personality traits he'll bring with him to the experience. We do what we can, we love them as much as we can, we guide them the best we can, but then we have to sit back and let them become who they are suppose to be.
Their victories are mostly there own, their warts have to be too. | 
