Dammit Dharma

My dear friend and "Dharma and Greg" comfort food star, Jenna Elfman has gotten all creepy weird into Scientology.

If you Scientology is your bag, by all means keep on doing what makes you happy and at peace with yourself. But, I do not get this religion at all. At. All.

I don't get any religion started by a science-fiction writer, but again I am very cynical about the whole religion thing. I am very spiritual and I dig some parts of The Bible, but not so much as to follow every minute detail and let it run my life. Please, I'm a huge fag. I could never follow every world of The Bible. I'd never have sex. And I need my sex.

That being said, enjoy this report...

Jenna said that Scientology "is a complete understanding of what is happening on the planet right now,"  to Scientology magazine Celebrity.

She boasts that she's on the second-to-last "Operating Thetan" or "OT" level in the organization's hierarchy.

Scientologists who reach "Operating Thetan 3" are told about "Xenu," a galactic ruler who paralyzed humans and sent them back to Earth in spaceships 75 million years ago.  You got that? Spaceships.

They were then arranged around a volcano and murdered with H-bombs, but their souls are still hanging around and are known as "Body Thetans". You got that? Body Thetans.

Devotees pay big bucks to "clear" themselves of the Body Thetans' negative influence through a series of costly courses. You got that? Money.

Elfman tells the magazine her "duty" is now to help "clear the planet." But, Jenna dear, clear the planet of what? Body Thetans? She declares, "I intend to make Scientology as accessible to as many people as I can, and that is my goal."

Since "Dharma & Greg" was canceled, she's appeared in a series of flops. This she seems to attribute to what Scientologists call "Suppressive People". They have such clever names.

"The more successful I became, the more suppression I bumped into," Elfman says. "Especially in the entertainment industry, which is really home to rabid suppression. Um...duh.

"[If] you want to survive as an artist or leader . . . know you are going to be under attack," Elfman warns. "You have to be able and willing to confront evil if you want to survive."

Elfman says you must devote yourself to Scientology or "you could be dead".

Jenna, I love you now and forever, but girl, you are scaring me.