Because my life is so damn boring and I have nothing to report (other than my very mild crush on Howie's nipples on Big Brother 6), I thought that I would give you the news going on in Houston right now.

Don't Fall Asleep While Making Coffee

The trial began today for a woman accused of slicing off her estranged boyfriend's penis. Delmy Margoth Ruiz said she attacked her ex-boyfriend because he had been unfaithful and had physically abused her. Ruiz was charged with aggravated assault with a deadly weapon after police said she cut off 80 percent of Nunez's penis with a kitchen knife on Oct. 29, 2004, as he slept at a northeast Houston home he co-owned with Ruiz.

Nunez testified that he went to the house after work and that he fell asleep on her bed while she was making coffee. He testified that he awoke to a burning sensation in his crotch and then passed out. When he came to later in the hospital, he learned his penis had been severed.

Nunez has had two skin grafts and faces more reconstructive surgery to replace his penis.

...and I thought my dental surgery has been painful.

Always Be Nice To Your Neighbors

Millionaire Robert Durst was back in Texas this week after being released from a New Jersey federal prison on charges related to his attempt to flee prosecution in a murder case. He's on probation and must wear an ankle bracelet.

A Galveston County jury acquitted Durst in November 2003 on a charge of murder in the death of his Galveston neighbor, 71-year-old Morris Black. Durst admitted cutting up Black's body and tossing the parts into Galveston Bay in 2001.

...the ankle bracelet doesn't make me feel any safer. If a yutz like Martha Stewart can figure out how to take hers off, a man who was acquitted after admitting he murdered his neighbor is crafty enough to take his off, too.

Don't Mess With Texas...Grandmothers

A 70-year-old woman shot and killed her granddaughter's husband in self-defense during an argument at her home over the weekend.

Investigators said Steven Porres, 28, was shot once after he broke down the front door of his wife's grandmother's home. He lived there with his wife and their four children.

Porres and his wife apparently had a heated argument before he was asked to leave. A short time later, he returned and forced open the front door, according to police. The grandmother then opened fire with her handgun, hitting Porres in the chest, officials said.

Porres had a criminal history with convictions of carrying a weapon illegally, theft, and assault of a family member.

Texas law states that when you're in your home and you feel your life or the life of another is threatened, you have a right to defend yourself with lethal force.

...yes, that is the same law that got the acquittal for Robert Durst. If that first woman who cut off her man's penis in the first news item would have killed her man instead of just mutilating him, she would be sitting at home drinking her coffee in peace.