The Gay Questionnaire

1. How old were you when you knew you were gay? I was a young teen, but I didn't want to be gay, so I dated and had sex with girls.

2. Have you ever had sex with the opposite sex? Yes. See answer 1.

3. Who was the first person you came out to? The guy who I was sleeping with at the time. I had labeled myself as "bi", but after some amazing sex, I said: "That's it. I'm gay."

4. Are you out to your family? Yes.

5. Do you want children? Biological? NO. Dog or cat children. YES.

6. Do you have more gay friends or straight friends? Gay friends.

7. Were you out in school? No.

8. Is your best friend the same sex as you? Yes.

9. If your best friend is the same sex, have you ever had sex with them? Ewww. Never. He's sooooo not my type.

10. Have you ever done crystal meth? NEVER

11. Have you ever been in a sling? um....maybe once....or twice...

12. Have you ever done a 3-way?  Of course.

13. Have you ever dressed in drag? Yes.

14. Would you date a drag queen? Doubtful. I like my menfolks to be butch.

15. Favorite sex act? I don't know if I could share that here...

16. Have you seen an uncircumcised penis? Of course.

17. Have you had sex with someone of a different ethnicity? Of course.

18. Have you ever barebacked? Yes. But to clarify, I was in a relationship and we had both tested HIV neg and we were both STD free before engaging in the sex acts. I'd never bareback anyone without being in a relationship with them and getting tested together.

19. How many Cher CDs do you own? One. It was a gift from a friend who was shocked that I didn't own a Cher CD.

20. Name of your first love? Jeff.

21. Do you still talk to them? We keep in touch. Birthday cards, Christmas cards, etc. But I haven't actually spoken to him in years.

22. Does size matter? Of course.

23. Biggest turn on? A nice muscular chest and big arms.

24. Biggest turn off? Bad kissing and body odor.

25. Ever been harassed due to you orientation? Yes.

26. Worst gay stereotype that applies to you? I can be such a bitchy queen when I need to be.

27. Ever been to a pride rally? Yes.

28. Would you marry if you could? Yes.

29. Would you rather be rich and smart or young and beautiful? Rich and smart. Beauty fades. Money is forever.

30. Do you sculpt your eyebrows? Nope.

31. Do you trim your body hair?  I'm a firm believer in Manscaping. Nobody likes it when you drop your pants and there is jungle thatch down there.

32. Ever had sex with more than one person in a day? Yes.

33. Ever been to an orgy?  Yuppers. I was a wild child when I came out. It was a safe-sex orgy if that makes y'all feel better.

34. Have you dated your best friends ex?  Never.

35. Would you vote for Hillary Clinton if she ran for president? Nope.

36. Do you want monogamy in your relationships? Not necessarily.

37. Do you believe in true love?Yes.

38. Do you have any tattoos?  Nope.

39. Do you have any piercings? My ears were pierced, but I haven't had any earrings in in over 8 years.

40. Would you date a smoker? Yes. I smoke. It's all good if they smoke, or don't smoke. Just don't bitch at me for smoking.

41. Do you get HIV tests every 6 months? Yes. Eventhough DearBoy and I have been together forever now, I still get tested every six months like a good homo.

42. Do you know anyone who has died from HIV? Actually, I know too many people who have died. Most of my coworkers from when I first moved to Texas have died. I was actually in the hospital room when my boss at the time died. I went to six funerals in about a year before I stopped going to funerals for a long time.

43. Do you know what Stonewall was? Yes.

44. Strangest place you have had sex? Wow. That's a difficult question. I'll have to get back to you.

45. Strangest place you've woken up? Locked (double-dead bolted) inside of some trick's house. My trick left for work, and left me in his house. I had to crawl out the windown when my friend came to pick me up. I got mocked about that situation for years.
46. Are your best years behind or in front of you? I really don't know.

47. Favorite porn movie? Don't have a favorite. I like porn, just don't have a favorite.

48. Are you in love now? Yes

49. Ever been in love with a straight guy? Nope. What a waste of time.

50. Did you ever have sex with him? Nope.

51. Have you ever been to a nude beach? Yes, but I had clothes on. When I'm sober, I'm surprisingly modest.

52. Have you ever been to a bath house? Yes.

53. Ever had sex in public? Yes.

54. Have you ever been/stayed in a relationship for Money or Security, instead of Love and Friendship? Never.

55. Have you ever keyed someone's car? Nope.

56. Have you ever fantasized killing someone not famous? Nope. What a fucking odd question.

57. Have you ever witnessed someone dying? Yes. See answer 42 for more of an explaination.

58. Have you ever contemplated suicide? Yes.

59. Are you glad you're still here? Yes.