| | - "Maps" - I [as a joke] asked Dan to prom [as a joke] today, given that I won't go if I can't find a date [who is a girl]. Unfortunately, he said no. I decided that if I'm going to take a boy to prom, it should be because I like him and he likes me, not because all the girls have rejected me.
Today went well. I have a habit of taking a stand on something and then changing it back and forth . . . for instance, what I want to do about the whole "situation" since Saturday. Part of me wants to go on, to simply forget the pain and carry on as normal . . . perhaps to forget, like I did with Joi, who disappeared into the mist as quickly as she first appeared. Another part of me wants to make a big production out of it, sick of always appearing so bright and sunny to the outside world. Thinking realistically, I'd like to just accept that things aren't going to work out and hope that Shannon and I remain good friends. On the other hand . . . I could hold out and hope that she changes her mind. Because I was talking to Austin today, who says he's going through pretty much the same thing, and says it's hard to get rid of those feelings for someone that you just can't shake off. Even though, thinking realistically, you know that things are not going to work out.
"I'm glad to say that I worked out everything over the weekend, and now I've gotten over it," I said at lunch today. "No you haven't," Adrienne said. And truth be told, she was right. It's really going to suck the next couple of days, trying to stifle those hormonal urges, trying to remind myself every time I see her that there are two types of people in high school.
There are some people who were born to be smooth-talkers, people who find members of the opposite sex easy to understand and to approach, people who typically find other super-outgoing people and then proceed to make out in the halls at lunch to show that they are a couple. Of course, they usually last no longer than a few weeks, because these people are also bad at commitment, given it's so easy to find another sweetheart the day after you've been dumped.
Then there are the people who may not be as smooth, the ones who are a little more reserved, who sit and watch the couples making out and hope they'll be in those shoes one day. Once or twice, they'll try them on, to chase after some person who's stolen their heart, although that usually ends in failure. But there remains in their minds the ideal lover, a person who is one in a million. Those odds make that person hard to find in a school of about 2,000. But when these people meet, they're never going to leave each other, because they've been waiting their whole lives to be together. |
jk!jk!)
Laur