| | - 23 I went up to Laurel with my family today and discovered that I had once gone to a Catholic school, long before I went to public school. I knew I'd gone to some private school in DC when I was four, and I remembered there was a kid who sat behind me named James who'd always tickle me and I'd get in trouble, and I remember they gave us Bibles to take home and I ripped a page out of it, and my mother pulled me out after exactly two days. What I didn't know is that they put me in first grade - when I was four, because I could already read. Somehow I forgot that it was a Catholic school even though I went back with my mom when I was, like, nine to visit one of the nuns (there was a convent) and the nun showed me her little room and gave me a hug, two things I guess nuns are not generally allowed to do.
Today was the last real day of school and really quiet, too quiet I guess. All I remember is waiting in the cafeteria with Isaac, Vi and Megan for the HSAs to end; trying to sleep in Calculus because I had nothing better to do; and talking to Giulia on the bus ride home. And I came home and just felt wiped, maybe a little depressed. I mean, I've been doing this routine for twelve years, and when I wake up in the morning tomorrow, I'm not going to school anymore. And it doesn't make any sense, at least not yet.
It's easy to take people for granted, I realized. You get used to people and you immediately write them off as "always gonna be there" or "never gonna be there" and either way you ignore them, and either way you screw yourself over because you miss out, and eventually you lose that person. So . . . I don't know. I guess this is freedom. It feels weird. It doesn't feel free at all, actually. What feels free is being able to wander around Blake High School at lunch, knowing exactly why you're there, what's going to happen, and you're able to walk around free of worry. But I guess that has to change. |
Laur