| - this is a forgery I'm still drowning in work. I wish I had time management skills and were actually working now instead of, well, writing this. But I actually can't now because I'm meeting Jess for lunch in a little while. I'm really anxious to meet people outside my dorm. Everyone here is very nice but I can feel I'm getting too close for comfort.
Sometimes I feel like I have to play the "funnyman" to impress people and make them laugh. I think we all run on this contingent of grabbing people's attention. Theatre kids do it by being histrionic; musicians, especially guitarists, do it by playing their instruments at grossly inappropriate times; the hipster or "scene kid" will do it by flaunting their knowledge of art or music or graffiti. And the rest of us try and make them laugh. On purpose, not by accident.
For instance, I was coming down the stairs from the fourth floor and looked out the window in the stairwell. I pressed my face against the screen and it made this groaning sound. Three floors down were some of the skater kids who hang out in the quad, but at the moment they were just sitting around. And they laughed at me! I ran down the stairs but at the next landing there was a window and they saw me and laughed again. I was so embarassed. One of the guys down there is really good-looking, I have to admit. Eileen would probably like him, with the dirty-blonde hair that frames his olive-colored face and the really tight black clothes and band shirts he wears. He's not so much an emo kid as a straight-up punk, I think, but he looks like the kid in my drawing.
I wouldn't have been so embarassed if I didn't think about him as much as I do. Of course I've always thought about whether or not I . . . "enjoyed the company of other men" but I never seriously considered it until I came here. I don't think that means I'm not straight or anything. But I think the guy is pretty hot. College is all about experimentation, and all I'm saying is that I would not mind "experimenting" with him. But my chances there are fairly slim. | 
Laur
