at that long-standing comedic cliche,
that carchase crescendo when a runaway
bus or garbage truck careened through
a city market or spontaneous parade
and plowed through fruit stands, sending
shopkeepers and window-shoppers scattering
in the wake of cinematic spectacles, until
at last the offending vehicle, with the break-
line cut or a bomb bound to the undercarriage,
was bearing down on a woman pushing a baby
buggy. of course, some bystander always saved
both more than child, or the driver (quite sensibly)
swerved, or the stroller turned out to be full
of groceries rather than a cooing infant.
now, dripping with the pulp of oranges and with
bits of the hot asphalt buried into bleeding flesh
on her knees and the palms of her hands, with
a banged-up armored car's front end buried into
the wall of the salon on the corner, with a lurid
blood smear two feet from her nose and bile rising
in the back of her throat, she thought
it wasn't really that funny, after all.
Comments (15)
Definitely not funny.
I like this. It's really sensual.
Oh sick, sad irony. Very nice imagery.
Reply: You don't have to say it if you don't want to. But thanks anyway.
Ooh like the ending! Discomfiting! Thus awesome.
Hahaha!
Well, I WILL say that the second stanza made me LAUGH.
It might be funny in a couple of months. I like the imagery of hot asphalt buried in flesh. Not the actual image, but the power of the words used to describe it. Hot can be a weak modifier unless strategically placed, can't it?
I just want you to know I'm pulling like a mutha for those Nuggets (even though it is more of an anti-Laker thing as I hate them with a hot passion, but I know the Nugs are near to your heart). At one point I thought they might pull something off in that first game, but the purple posers do look a bit stronger than I expected. If the Spurs don't pull it out, I'd actually like to see the Celtics get it, if only because I love me some Kevin Garnett (Ray's special, too). Did you catch that Spurs/Suns game? Although completely nerve-wracking, you know I went a little mad with glee when Tim shot that three. Mmm-mm. Playoff ball.
@Daffodilious - i think "hot" almost doesn't exist in this poem it's so weak. that said, this is usually the case, and other things usually thought of as synonymous or intensifying (burning, scalding, etc.) are also not particularly sensory. "heat", for some reason, has more kick than "hot". for instance, uhm, right of the top of my head:
fur drool and mange chew gland spray,
a long rolling lick of tongue
and between the teeth, a sudden heat
although there it's not a modifier.
the Nugs game yesterday was so depressing i didn't even watch the 4th quarter. the bench was so good, and the stars were all so terrible. i did watch that Suns/Spurs game, at a bar in downtown Lincoln after watching the NU spring football practice. it was probably the best basketball game i watched all season. i like KG too, but i hate boston sports fans, so if the Nugs are out, i'm pulling for underdogs the rest of the way.
Very interesting and creative.
I can smell the oranges, and the pavement
I still think its funny
@Prometheus - as well you should, good sir!
No, just the shirt I'd mentioned that I'd ordered in the previous entry.
I'm just impatient. Besides, for what I paid it should be here the next day, AND suck my dick when it gets here.
Originality. And HOT, indeed!
second stanza, very visceral. i enjoy how it feels like a major run-on [sentence], being compounded and compounded with detail and then...
her thought. a moment of clarity beneath it all.
damn i miss reading your stuff.
It is sold out and an anticipated date for a second primting has not yet been announced, but I think you should post your review anyway. Let me know when/where you're going to post it (on the Crimson Ninja blog and/or elsewhere) if you please, so that I may let the Private Press editor know. I'm excited to partake of it!