Sunday, February 03, 2008

  • The Dead Lay in Pools of Maroon Below: Blogging and the False-Self

    Currently Reading
    Why I Am Not a Calvinist
    By Jerry L. Walls, Joseph Dongell
    see related

    Blogging is hobby I fully enjoy. There’s just something fun about leaving your opinions out there for others to read and extract from them encouragement or insight. My blog is a world I’ve created where my musings and opinions reign supreme – and like King Jeremy the Wicked, I stand on top of my created mountain “with arms raised in a V!”

    Unfortunately, along with my victorious creation “the dead lay in pools of maroon below.” This is because blogging also brings out my brokenness. Much of blogging is about disclosing a false-self. I want you to think I’m smart or funny. I want you to think I’m godly or confident. Lord forbid that you should see my insecurities, sins, or fears – or worst of all, think I might actually be wrong about something.

    I’m a pacifist, but the more I blog (an innocent activity in itself) the more I see violence still residing within my heart and in the heart of others. Is this the case because over the internet we can be total a-hole’s without having to pay the consequences of hurting someone close to us? Does this brokenness manifest itself so easily in blogging because in the false world we’ve created we are able to be whoever we want to be instead of who God has created us to be? Is arrogance so prevalent in our blog discussions because in the end those people on the other side of the computer screen are not actually people created in the image of God? Rather, they’re faceless sub-humans whose only value in my false-world comes from whether or not they agree with my latest theological agenda?

    About 6 months ago I became a bit convicted about the condescending face I put forth in my blog page.[1] So I started a new page and vowed not to let conceit rule in my new cosmos. Thus far I think I have succeeded. But it’s taken some work – when people reply to my posts in rude or obnoxious ways, I really have a hard time not telling them off. I’ve found myself actually being able to fight off the false-self that wants to emerge in those situations and have decided not to respond at all or to respond in gentleness.[2]

    It’s simply not my job to put all the Calvinists and Modernists in their places. Neither is it my job to think more highly of myself than I ought to. I must remember that the Fundamentalist, though I do not agree with her/him, is still my sister/brother in Christ. I must keep in mind that John Calvin, John Wesley, and John Nelson Darby are brothers in the Lord who stand in need of a gracious savior. To create a false-reality where one or more of them is not honored as a fellow citizen of the kingdom is to deny the ultimate graciousness of our wonderful Lord.


    [1] The funny thing is, there were many things on that old page that I was proud of. There were things on that page that reflected insight and spiritual growth over the previous two years that I had the page. But my attitude in some of the posts, my arrogant responses to “stupid” people, and my general attitude of superiority overshadowed (at least in my mind) those good things.

    [2] No doubt, someone could point out a place where I have failed in this, but I think I have largely succeeded. Praise the Lord for His patience!

Comments (4)

  • theotica

    to cut you a little slack thom, though far be it from to get in the way of a conviction, i think an element you might be overlooking is the blog as a medium.  writing conveys intellectual thoughts far more clearly than emotional vulnerability.  particularly, it doesn't combine the two very well.  most blogs tend one way (intellectual content) or the other (emotional self-revelation).  it's hard to write a convincing argument in a humble tone.  it's true that this aspect of writing might aggravate tendencies to be condescending or unnecessarily cutting, but, for my part, i think you conduct yourself fabulously.  then again... off the top of my head, i can't think that we've ever had a disagreement.  ;)
  • bpweygandt

    First: Happy Birthday!

    Second: Good book

    Third: Don't feel bad, you've always done well, even when I don't agree with you. 

  • freakyJesusmusic

    Well put, sir.  I remember the stinging dope slap of spiritual conviction when a pastor, after setting up his crowd well by talking at some length about a church which would show photographs but not films from the mission field (films being, of course, evil) asked, "Do we have grace for those people as well?"  Dang, we have to love the "stupid people" too, don't we?!!
  • Beloved_Shepherd

    Feliz complianos, mi hermano.
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