bup.
Just to be clear:
So, when you ask, "how are you doing?" The answer is, I'm doing
very well. but practically speaking, I feel very lonely and blah
often as a result of that situation with the girl.
And while being lonely sucks - well remember when we had that
discussion during Henry St. and I was talking about the beauty of
grief, and experiencing it and such? Well so even tho it sux,
there's a lot of that involved too for me, so it's not all bad.
But yeah in fact, I end up feeling shitty often in this case, and in
these days :)
To say some more stuff about how I'm doing. I'm also don't put
"stock" these days into certain values that were of utmost importance
to me during CMU. By which, you know that I mean identifying
myself with respect to my friends and bonds, and putting those as my
primary concerns. It's a very scary and disconnected feeling for
me, after so many years of leaning on that, and so far I have not found
something else that's even worthwhile to put "stock" into, much less
test it to see if it can be consistent enough to support moving me
forward. That, more than the situation with the girl, and more
than anything else, I guess is the issue I'm dealing with right now and
what's making things "bad."
Though at the end of the day the reason in my mind that I feel shitty is because of that girl and feeling lonely :)
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