Friday, May 09, 2008

  • Living in Sin

    I was just reading an article by FoxSexpert Yvonne K. Fulbright about "Living in Sin."



    Fulbright was discussing in her article the pros and cons of living together before marriage.

    She lists some of the pros of living together before marriage:  Financial benefits, companionship and testing the compatibility.  She lists other reasons in the article.

    She also lists some of the cons of living together before marriage:  Higher divorce rate in U.S. if a person lives together first, more infidelity and more domestic abuse.  Here is the link:  Link

    Would you feel comfortable marrying someone you had never lived with before marriage?

                                                                

Comments (112)

  • utlawgirl

    Well, I married someone without living with him first, and we're coming up on our 10th anniversary, so it worked out for us.
  • nettieheidmann

    Rather, I would not trust anyone who wanted the benefits of marriage without the commitment that goes along with it. 

  • lyricsninja

    i would think living with them would help you to see the possible pitfalls of being with them long term. for example - how would you know that your significant other is the type to get up int he middle of the night often, or clips their toenails in bed, or is really bad with recieving calls from drunk friends at all hours of the night. *shrug*
  • rebe1186

    It would appear that her cons completely negate her pros for the most part?

  • ronlawhouston

    It's interesting the way you phrased the question.
  • starzy_32

    Yes I would feel very comfortable.  There is no real need to live together before marriage.  
  • RedHairedCelt

    I presume we'd be courting/dating for a while before we DID get married. I don't think I'd be marrying a total stranger.


    I've heard it said that the act of marriage changes things in a relationship, from the mental perspective. Almost as if there were expectations arising from the institution. Living together doesn't have those expectations. In my case, we don't want to get married. It's a legality, nothing more. We're two old hippies that way. You call it "living in sin." We call it handfasting and being mated. The law doesn't force us to stay together. We like it better that way.

  • LetMeGoToo

    I agree with ronlawhouston... that was an interesting way to phrase the question. LOL  Been married twice. Didn't live with either first.
  • sarahellie

    Married once, seven years (so far), didn't live together first. WOuldn't do it any other way!!!
  • Umnenga

    Will be doing that in three months time.
  • CrazyXBeautifulXDisaster

    Just because more and more people are doing it, doesnt make it right.


  • mrcolorful

    I would not feel comfortable living with someone before marriage.
  • FreeeVerse

    @utlawgirl - Good on ya! :)
  • punkprincessjac

    would i feel comfortable? i'm not sure. would i live with someone before getting married? yes. always. i would never have married chris if we hadn't lived together first. living with someone opens up an entire new world. you learn all these little quirks and possible annoyances that you never would have imagined would bother you. and sometimes they don't. sometimes you think they are cute, and then you learn that those things really do annoy you. so it gives you time to work out all that crap before you are legally bound. i think way too many people jump into marriage, personally. i also think that it did us well that we had a baby before marriage. seeing how wonderful of a father he was, only solidified how much i wanted to be with him forever. i knew that if i ever married anyone, i wanted it to last. i didn't want to settle like a LOT of people do, only they don't admit it ya know? i can name 3 people off the top of my head that married because they thought they would never find better, and guess what, they are miserable.

    mind you, we're not religious at all, so of course the opinion on this matter is going to vary quite widely. what works for some doesn't work for others. but doing it one way doesn't make it right, and doing it another doesn't make it wrong. someone said just because more people are doing it, doesn't make it right. well, just because it was done a certain way for so long doesn't make it right either. times changes, and you can mold and adapt or not. it's your choice. do what you want. i just don't think it's polite to judge. (not saying anyone was, mind you.)

    i really think that chris and i are better for living together a little over a year before we got married. there was still lots of excitement after we got married. it wasn't like "oh, we're already living together. so what." like a lot of anti living together before marriage people would say. it was thrilling. and we were comfortable. we had all the crap worked out before hand, so we were able to just enjoy being married and enjoy our son, and enjoy getting to work on making another one! haha it just worked out really well for us. it makes me happy.

  • shellybean99

    I didn't live with my ex-husband prior to marriage. And when we got married and moved in together, his behavior changed A LOT. I don't think that the ultimate end of our marriage was a direct result of that, but had I lived with him first, I can't say for sure I would have married him.


    I just moved in with my boyfriend and am very happy and excited about it. I don't think I would feel comfortable marrying again without cohabitating beforehand b/c its what I need to do to feel safe and secure.


    I've talked to my therapist about this b/c I tend to lend a lot of credence to things I read in the news (much more than I should) and she pointed out that statistics are a lot less important in terms of relationships than making sure you want the same things, communicate well, and have a similar viewpoint on the important issues.

  • theScalesandtheScorpion

    for my wife and I it was another level of commitment.    We were planning on getting married anyway, so it was just another step in that direction.

    Remember, marriage is how you live your life.  A wedding is just a ceremony.  I know many people who had a great wedding, but a non-existent marriage. If people planned their marriages like they plan their weddings, the divorce rate would be much lower.

    Married 3 years now.  We've had about just as many arguments.  Very peaceful marriage.
  • UnworthyofHisgrace

    Yes, and I did, and she's the only woman I've ever been with and it's been almost 28 years since we were married 4 kids and 4 grandkids later! Quite happy I should say!

  • impossibleangles

    We'll be married 13 years come August.  Not only did we not live together, for most of our 5 year dating life we lived in different states.  Since we were constantly apart, we spent our time communicating: letters and phone.  We learned a lot about one another this way, including how to talk to one another.  Worked for us.
  • squeakysoul

    @nettieheidmann - "Rather, I would not trust anyone who wanted the benefits of marriage without the commitment that goes along with it."

    Nicely said! I couldn't agree more.

    Yes, Dan, if it ever happens for me, getting married before living together is how I will be doing it as well.

  • squeakysoul

    @UnworthyofHisgrace - I hope one day I can have what you have.

  • couldquitepossiblybeme

    I think it depends on what is right for the individual couple. I am about 2 weeks away from moving in with my boyfriend. I definitely think I will marry him someday but I truly believe in the "try before you buy principle." We love each other and are fully committed to each other but I want to graduate from my Master's program and he wants to get settled into his career before we get married. We want to be able to have a little bit more time together as newlyweds when that time comes.
  • vangelicmonk

    of course.  I prefer NOT to live with that person before marriage. 

  • Rbynfairy

    @RedHairedCelt - I'm w/ you on that... I doubt I'll ever get married again... but that doesn't mean I want to be alone for the rest of my life...

  • TooBornot2B

    I have been married for 19 years, and we never lived together. It has been rocky at times and blissful at times. There are some habits of his that still drive me crazy...and I know it is the same for him with some of my habits. But, what it boils down to is how you handle the things that drive you crazy, and remembering that a marriage is a 24/7, 365 job. A wonderful, messy, hurtful, hilarious job.
  • saintvi

    I didn't live with my husband before we got married nearly 28 years ago. I guess I must be okay with that.
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