well I guess I'll just keep posting and posting... just couldn't take reading the past weblogs I've made. I just want to move forward and stop looking back in my life. Discover the world I guess. not entirely sure myself.

Life for me has been very chaotic lately. For instance I'm still lonely and single. The alcohol can only hold those thoughts of being empty for so long. At least I still got a couple friends. I have no idea where the other ones are. They just kind of disappeared while I'm left here waiting. and the worst thing of it all is I have no way of trying to contact them... they have ways to contact me. but nothing. it makes me worried and when I'm already depressed I just start  disillusion that they are all dead or other weird things. or perhaps they hate my guts for something I said or did so possibly they are ignoring me.

I need out of this house more than anything else. Even though I'm not always home... in fact gone whenever possible. It's too depressing in this house. Mom's been off for possibly 2 months because of her knee. At first it was because she couldn't walk for very  long.... but now it is down to she can't even get up by herself. makes me very sad. especially considering the fact that I feel so useless... but not only do I feel useless and worthless I'm too depressed to really want to do anything to help.... I hate seeing her like this.

I guess I can brighten things up a little bit...

We held another bonfire on Friday the 13th... which was fun except the concept that drinking alcohol makes me need to go to the house more often...got a lot of exercise from walking. also I created a new exercise by chopping down weeds... also good stress reliever. as long as it's only for 30 minutes other wise I would be passed out from heat stroke and dehydration. plus I would have a burn... which is no good.

My very first friend since 2nd grade is coming back from Colorado. she is going to get married so I get to see her starting tomorrow.... since tomorrow is her bachelorette *sp?* party. then she gets married next Saturday but then she is going back to Colorado . I told her that we should go see the movie Wally when it comes out on Friday because I'm back to getting Fridays off.... but that is only going to last for so long for we always change department managers after 6 months... so yay the peasants rejoice *not*. I'm really not looking forward to that because the manager that we are getting is the very last one that I would want being the manager for the front end. he's such a jerk.

well now you got the story of my  life kind of in a hand basket. there you go.