|
| I think my xanga days are over. If you honestly care about me, you can talk to me in person or give me a phone call. You don't need to read about me online.
And if you honestly care about me, you'd know better than to spread rumors and tell others what I write here. I'm not gonna put up with this anymore. | | |
| So I didn't get into Minnesota. That was a big bummer. I had my heart set. So now I'm waiting to see what Western says. They say that from an academic standpoint, they would love to have me in the program. But as for assistantships, that's still up in the air. So we'll see. Hopefully I'll hear soon.
(edited due to rumors)
This past week Wind Ensemble went on tour and it was fun to get away for four days. I spent way too much money, though. And I'm really far behind in classes...Well, not REALLY far behind, but enough for me to be stressed out, like normal. So what do I do? I update my journal instead of working on this paper that I should be working on. I'm such a procrastinator and I hate it. But I'm so not motivated. I'm suffering from senioritis like no other. And the fact that I didn't get into Minnesota and the fact that Western isn't contacting me about my future in their department aren't helping to motivate me. Those facts are actually quite de-motivating me. I feel like what's the point? I have a feeling that next semester, I'll be at home in the QC working because I haven't made it into any grad schools. And while that MAY be okay, I'd much rather get grad school out of the way now. It'll be so hard to go back to school after taking a year off. So we'll see how that goes.
I just feel like everything has no purpose. I'm not driven by anything. I have no goals to attain because I've tried and been turned down. (This applies to many different aspects of my life.)
I'm listening to this new band that Jonny V. told me about it. I like them. Pocket Change. Let me know if you're interested. K, bye. | | |
| - I've been told I need to update this. And I agree. SO much has happened since last I updated. So I'm gonna cover the highlights:
I had a good time at OPE. I had a lot of interviews and some schools seemed to really like me. It's weird how after just a 30-minute interview, I can tell where I would fit and where I wouldn't; where I would enjoy working and where I wouldn't. So that's great. Met some cool people. Went to Western's CSP Days, which is one full day of interviews with Western people for their grad program and assistantships. It was fun. Met some cool people there. Went on Spring Break. Did basically nothing except move from the house to the new apartment. I like it there. I miss the house sometimes, but the apartment is cool too. Came back from Spring Break, went to Minnesota State University in Mankato, MN for on-campus interviews. Yet another whole day of interviews. It was fun, though. And while I was there, I got a fiance and a new Best Friend Forever. So that's awesome.
About a month ago, my mom told me that she was gonna get married. She and her new fiance had been engaged for about 3 weeks before she and my dad were actually divorced. And they had carried this relationship on for the past 1.5 years or so. My sister and I were suspicious of her and this new guy the whole time, but she always tried to tell us that we were wrong. She tried to cover it all up, but we're not dumb. So the night she told me about her new wedding (still a week before the divorce was final) she also asked me to walk her down the aisle with my brother. I agreed to do it, not because I like the situation or the guy (I've never even met the guy! Why meet the guy that I knew my mom was having an affair with?), but I agreed because I knew that it was what she wanted and that it would make her happy. She also asked my sister to be her maid of honor. My sister was NOT happy about the situation at all. She and my mom argued A LOT and my mom ended up in tears much of the time. My sister and I have been thrown a lot of things all at once. The divorce (which was on the grounds that my dad had had numerous affairs way back in the day when my sister was a baby--18 years ago--and we had no idea about it) and the new wedding. That's a lot to process. And we're expected to be okay with it all!! Well, my sister wasn't and about a week ago she called my mom and told her that she wanted nothing to do with the wedding and she didn't want to talk to my mom for quite a while. And I hear about it from both my mom and my sister--they both come to me to talk things through and I have balance all that, along with how I feel about the situation, which is basically just like my sister. Except I'm more supportive of my mom (not the relationship) than my sister is. Ugh. But it turns out that I can't even go to the wedding anyway 'cause I'll be on tour with Wind Ensemble. And my mom was upset when I told her of course, but there's nothing I can do. I kind of feel bad about it, but at the same time, why did the wedding have to be SO SOON?
Ugh. And on top of that...
(edited due to rumors)
So quite a lot has been going on. I feel behind in so many aspects of my life. And part of me just doesn't care at all. Hopefully things will get A LOT better in a few weeks. | | |
| Tuesday I had some mock interviews. Interviews for grad school assistantships. I was definitely not as prepared as I could have been and I feel like some of the people who interviewed me (although they weren't REAL interviews) were thinking that I'm dumb. It's hard to answer questions about something that I haven't had experience with yet. Ya know? Oh well. I'll just prepare more before OPE. Then after Concert Band, Matt Davis took me to Wal-Mart and I got the new Brian McKnight CD!! So excited! Thanks, Matt!! You're by far the coolest ever in the galaxy. That's right; I said galaxy.
Wednesday was Bryan Lopez Day and I had to go to RA Council and then a meeting for ISRAA (Illinois State Resident Assistant Association) (I think that's what it stands for). But I could only stay at the meeting for about 15 minutes 'cause then I had to go sing bids for Phi Mu Alpha. Fun times. No, it really was.
The not fun part of Wednesday was when I had a convo with my friend Rick* (* = name changed because he kept my name a secret in his xanga...and because I don't want those of you who may know him to think that he's a jerk. Though my close friends already know who I'm talking about anyway)and basically we're not friends anymore. He can only handle one at a time and right now that spot is filled by his girlfriend...Umm...okay...Also, he moved around as a skid and hasn't fully recovered from it since all of his friends were taken away from him. I mean, I've moved cross-country, too, but I'm still capable of making friends. I understand that people adjust to things differently, but I'm saddened. He's never had a close guy friend so when he and I started getting really close, he started getting uncomfortable. I don't understand how that makes sense, but whatever. He said that he hoped to still see me around every once in a while so he could "shout out." I told him not to pretend to want to shout out. He also apologized a lot, but those words are kinda lost on me. He said that I'm a good guy and deserve to have better friends than him anyway. I disagree. Whatever. I tried.
Thursday...I'm not really thinking of anything important. Umm..Finished up classes for the week ('cause no clas on Friday!! Awesome!!). Then later, Amanda and I went to Wal-Mart. Twice in one week? That's crazy. Then we made my "huggable" shirt and she added "rocks" to her shirt that already said "geology." Get it? haha. Geology rocks.
And it does.
Then we watched "Waiting for Guffman." Oh, how I love that movie. It'd been a while since I'd seen it.
Today is Friday and there are no classes. That is neat. | | |
| 01.] Who are you?
[02.] Are we friends?
[03.] When and how did we meet?
[04.] How have I affected you?
[05.] What do you think of me?
[06.] What's the fondest memory you have of me?
[07.] How long do you think we will be friends?
[08.] Do you like me?
[09.] Would you date me?
[10.] Would you kiss me?
[11.] Would you hug me?
[12.] Physically, what stands out?
[13.] Emotionally, what stands out?
[14.] Do you wish I was cooler?
[15.] Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it.
[16.] Am I lovable?
[17.] How long have you known me?
[18.] Describe me in one word.
[19.] What was your first impression?
[20.] Do you still think that way about me now?
[21.] What do you think my weakness is?
[22.] Do you think I'll get married?
[23.] What makes me happy?
[24.] What makes me sad?
[25.] What reminds you of me?
[26.] If you could give me anything what would it be?
[27.] How well do you know me?
[28.] When's the last time you saw me?
[29.] Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't?
[30.] Are you going to put this on your LJ and see what I say about you? | | |
|
