Thursday, July 17, 2008

• The Xanga Saga: C.R.A.P., Part Two

  Last time, in the Xanga Saga....

  "Uh-oh," I say. "We've got to stop this thing now! According to this computer file, they're going to launch in exactly 45 minutes! It'll wipe out whatever blog it's aimed at! And it looks like their first target is....ack! TheSecretLifeofPandas!

  "They're going to throw crap at TheSecretLifeofPandas?"

  ---

  Gasp! As it turns out, due to a computer glitch, C.R.A.P. is going to launch in not 45 minutes, but 45 seconds! Egads!

  We all panic in unison. Fortunately, I suddenly remember that I have an ace in the hole. I whip out my cellphone. "Oh, FallenReign? You remember those....*pause for effect*...spaceships you told me about? The ones with laser cannons and photon torpedoes and whatnot? Now would be a very good time to send them."

  There is a bit of staticky silence. "Um...there might be a problem with that. But it's not my fault, okay? Really, it's not."

  I begin to get a little uneasy. "Why, what happened?"

  "Well, you know how high the cost of gas is these days, and spaceships use a lot of fuel, and so all the spaceship captains got together and decided to switch to, um, alternative energy."

  I am now very uneasy. "What kind of alternative energy? Nuclear? Solar?"

  "Ummmm.....wind."

  Oh crap. "Wind? But...wind is air moving. There's no air in space!"

  "That would be the problem," FallenReign sighs. "They're kinda stuck. They've only managed to get their emergency life-support system to work."

  "And, how have they managed to do that?"

  "Well....there's more than one kind of wind, if you follow me. And they've read about Gaseous Girl."

  TMI!

  There's now, only, oh, 30 seconds left. We go back to general panicking. At that moment, Made2sing4Jesus pops in and observes the situation. "This is so not a three-dancing-cow kinda moment!"

  "Any helpful suggestions?" I ask, because you never know when randomly popping in Xangans might have the answer to life, the universe, and everything. (to borrow a phrase.)

  "Pray?" she dutifully suggests helpfully.

  "Good idea. Okay, here goes. Our Father, which art in heaven, Howard be thy name, thy ki-"

  "Psssst..." CarmenDeBizet whispers. "It's hallowed."

  "Ahhhh! You threw off my groove!"

  A random person appears, who is not a Xangan and thus not really relevant to the story. "I'm sorry, but you've thrown off VaultESL's groove." He promptly flings Carmen out the window. Unfortunately, as we are all underground in the murky tunnels of Myspace, there is no window. Just a wall. Oops.

  "But she's right," saintvi helpfully points out as Carmen bounces off the wall. "It's hallowed. Not Howard. "

  "You mean I've been saying it wrong all these years? This...changes...everything!"

  Saintvi sighs. "You keep using that phrase. I do not think it means what you think it means."

  Further witty dialogue is cut short as the computer has now reached 5 seconds! 4...3...2.....

  "Oh, hey, I do have some ammo after all." the44thhour says as he produces a 50-caliber rifle and fires with a very loud boom. The terminal explodes delightfully, and so TheSecretLifeofPandas has been saved from C.R.A.P. Yaaayy!

  "Bravo, everyone!" I say. "Now, off to find Legendairy!"

  "Ow..." says Carmen.

  Do we ever find Legendairy? What could possibly happen next? Stay tuned to Legendairy, Fullmetalbunny, and myself, to find out!

   

   

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