2:32 this afternoon marks the
fifth call i have received today from an 800 number looking for elizabeth gonzales, who is apparently me. perhaps i have an alter ego whose dominant presence refuses to allow my part of our shared consciousness to be aware of her? and she's hispanic? that's the best explanation i have for why they (a collections agency, apparently), staunchly demur at my denials of being ms. gonazales, and continue to call my number looking for her.
a sample first conversation:
*phone rings*
me: hello?
recording: we have important business to discuss with you, however all of our associates are busy. please stay on the line......
real person: elizabeth gonzales?
me: no, you have the wrong number
real person: oh.
*rp hangs up*
_______________
sample fifth conversation:
*phone rings*
me: expletive 800 number! i told them not to call me any more!!
me, composing myself: hello
recording: we have important business to discuss with you, however all of our associates are busy. please stay on the line......
real person: hello, ms. gonzales?
me: no, this is not, nor has it been recently the number for elizabeth gonzales. please leave me a-...
real person: *has hung up*
me: oh no he didn't.
*i call back number*
recording: hello, thank you for calling card services. we have verified your account number based on your phone number. if the last four digits of your account number are 3756, press one. if this is incorrect, enter your full account number now.
*i press 0.......*
......
real indian person: hello, may i have your name?
me: MY name is JESSICA, but you have been trying to reach someone named Elizabeth Gonzales at this number, which is not her number, not for the 5 years i have had it. I have told this to all of the people who have called me today, and no one cares that they have a wrong number. I need this to stop.
real indian person: *is very nice, promises she is pulling up the account to make the change*
me, skeptically: thank you.
real indian person: thanks so much for calling xyz card services today, we appreciate your business.
me: frakking morons.
_____
as of 3:07 i have not received any more calls. time will tell, my friends. time will tell.
_________
UPDATE:
4:28....another call. i was assured this would be the last one.
i, drunk with pessimism, laugh.
Comments (14)
maybe next time you could pick up the phone and play a recording back at them, asking for lupe mendez.
or block the number.
go JESSICA!
maybe JESSICA is your alter ego. shes making the world a better place for creditors one phone call at atime
maybe your stuck in a version of the movie "Fight Club."
by the way, the other day we met a lady named Elizabeth Gonzales and invited her to church, but she has never called back........I wonder if she's dead now?
:)
thats my favorite...
they call, and ask for you to hold because their associates are busy. wtf/!?!? you called ME!
this was a wonderfully awesome post.
thanks liz, you're the best!
ryc: exactly!
They think I am answering the phone for Mohammed. I'm not Mohammed. I don't know Mohammed. And I don't think at this point I would even like Mohammed very much. I thought the calls had stopped, too but now I have an 888 # calling me.
ACK!! the phone rang while I was keying this!!!!
Please tell me how to stop it.
@iamdixiedydo - after i called them back directly and was routed to the call center somewhere in india, i got one more call. i explained myself again, very forcefully but politely, and the woman said she would fix it. i said i'd been promised that before, so what should i do if it happened again? she gave me her id # and her extension, and again promised i'd have no more calls. i have had no more calls.
just keep talking and talking to them, and eventually someone will understand.
it's wonderful to have my phone/life back.
hey.. i was at bestbuy looking for your cd. i looked under j and also w, but.. i couldn't find it.. where is it? cuz i want to buy it.
am i a bad person for getting enjoyment from your post of being annoyed?
@Level17TomatoSandwich - haha, thanks. maybe someday.... :) now that i have my spiffy new mac, if i record any songs at home, you'll be sure to hear them.
@artgodis - yes, yes you are.
DANGIT! I just did this whole long comment and then I hit the wrong key and it all went away. Anyway...I have a similar situation going on here that is making me crazy. I'll tell you about it next time I see you, cuz....it was really long and I don't want to type it again. *sigh*